All girls I know are out of my league

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Being self-centered/selfish usually makes a person appear to be "confident" since it often originates from them thinking they're better than everyone else.

Last edited by Venger on 19 Jul 2013, 12:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

because I am. I have more confidence than most people here,I am just not a ladies man
due to being lower funciton and having an eccentric personality.

what about women that can't make female friends, do they lack confidence.

If all the girls are outside of your league, make sure you get in their league

Is there actually such a thing as "all girls being outside of your league" as in every young female person you see on the street wherever at any time?

I think you're right.
However, it often seems to me that the level of confidence people are looking for can only be achieved by either being a very good actor, being delusional or not smart enough to understand the many ways in which you're inadequate and, well, just not all that great, really. So if you don't like being delusional and don't like peacocking (i.e. all the more socially acceptable versions of inflating your penis and displaying it in the most majestic and intimidating fashion possible), you're fighting an uphill battle. If you're someone who engages in any kind of introspection, you're already at a disadvantage, because introspection seeds doubt which is incompatible with the unshakable confidence you need to put on display.

How many girls are there with that kind of confidence? How many are left if you leave out those who acquired their confidence through being "in demand" due to their looks and the plain fact of how social dynamics work?

Yeah like a guy who has narrow shoulders, moobs and a big pot belly will make himself attractive to the female gender by just thinking he's better than anyone else in the world.

I dunno about that tbh.

There are limits to that, of course, but being very assertive and simply acting as if you have high social status can get you amazingly far (as long as you can maintain your composure when challenged). It's as if people care more about the show you can put on than your actual values, beliefs, goals and silly things like that. We're basically more evolved versions of magpies.

Well, that's mean of them.

If it's any consolation, then I am a girl (one who some of her guy friends claim is out of their league, which still mystifies me) and I have been through pretty much that same set of situations. For much the same reasons, I reckon.

Well, that and also I don't fit in at the local wargame club because of being female (it's got a fair few self-confessed sexist jerks at it - they think bigotry is funny, and are rude to the people with AS as well - and a lot of people treat it like a close-knit guys' club)
It was having an awful effect on my self-esteem.

A real low-point was when I played Pathfinder for 6 hours (2 sessions) while the GM and other players did their best to pretend I wasn't in the game. It was my first time playing Pathfinder, and nobody bothered to explain anything that was going.
At the start of the second 3-hour session, the GM actually tried to have an argument with me by insisting that I wasn't in the game when it started (which I was ! !!) , and said that I didn't get to play because I had no character sheet (when I did have one, and he'd made us hand them in after the first session) ... and even when I said that I did, he just kept saying that I didn't.... it turned out that (according to his claim) he'd assumed my character sheet belonged to somebody else.
The person who he claims to have mixed me up with was a totally different kind of character though (he was a wizard while I had a rogue) , and there is no way that any sane person could ever have mixed up our sheets. Apart from anything else I had the only female character - and my sheet was done in pen because first nobody told me I should use pencil, then the GM was a total cock about not letting me redo it on one of his many spare character sheets.) ... And he also scribbled on my picture of my character unexpectedly.
The guy is like, middle-aged.... he's the oldest member of the club... even though from this description he probably sounds about 10 years old. :-p
He never apologised.

Anyway, my point is.... I thought that was personal and got very despondent, until I spoke to one my my friends who often plays Pathfinder.... when I was informed that no, the GM is just appalling, and the other players simply very self-absorbed.... and my friend was ignored a lot in games too, and he's fed up of it.

He was surprised to hear that I'd been through the same thing, because HE had been taking it as a personal thing until we had a talk about it. Some people are just a bit crap to socialise with, for no good reason - so it would seem.

I haven't been to the wargame club for about a month, and my goodness it's done me the power of good to get a break from it, instead of trying to socialise with people who just don't seem to think I'm worth the effort of bothering with.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been on the receiving end of such unpleasant treatment.
It can cause such devastation to the mental state and self-esteem, when people are such relentless bullies ; or ostracise you from social groups.

DO NOT put yourself down, you can get a high standard date, I've seen it happen.

One of my prior friends, who was essentially a model has this boyfriend I never met until it was her birthday, you would think the guy would be this stud or someone who requires to have a 6 pack of muscle, but no, the guy was as fat as a large bouncing ball and was dating what is to be considered a goddess, IT CAN BE DONE!

I find this post to be a bit disturbing. Am I just misinterpreting? OP, are you basically saying that you want to get with a girl who you personally think is ugly or lesser in some way, just so that you're in with a chance? How do you think that girl will feel, if she finds out why you're with her and what you think of her? How do you think she'll feel if she finds out you think every other girl is more attractive and better than her?

You should get with a girl that you think is the best, or your relationship will be a farce. Someone out there will think you're the best too.

Omigosh, you like My Little Pony! That is do awesome!! !
Anyway, I would just simply say wrong places at the wrong time. That's all I have to say.

Right now, I'm only making an observation, and the primary intention of this post was asking if anyone else can confirm it.

I'm sorry that what I wrote sounds disturbing, but doesn't dating always work that way? I'm sure there are many men who would prefer to date a Hollywood star if they had the chance, but they end up dating someone else. And very few women (or men) can honestly assume that they're the most attractive person in the world.

Anyway, I'm actually attracted to some kinds of imperfections. I've only had a crush on someone once in my life, but that time, it was triggered by the girl in question wearing broken shoes... I don't fully understand why I was so much attracted to this – maybe because I had found someone who hates shopping as much as I do. In general, I avoid people who care too much about their appearance. Even if they are attractive by societal standards, I think of them as attention seekers, which is a bit scary to me.

I don't think I'd enjoy a relationship with someone more popular than me. I wouldn't be able to keep up with her in social activities, and I'd constantly blame myself for not being able to offer her anything. So the best one for me is probably not the one who is most attractive to others.

Dude, I seriously understand how you feel on that one. I wouldn't want to feel less popular than the person I end up dating, and if I was more popular, I'd make more plans to hang out with the person I date so they could get my attention more, I care about my friends and all, but even the partner's need of my attention is important to me as well. Anyway, what kind of people are you looking for anyway, if it's okay for me to ask?

That's a hard question. I'm not looking actively right now because I don't know where to look.

There are three people with whom a relationship might theoretically have worked, retrospectively. The first one is the girl with the broken shoes I mentioned above; she now lives at the other end of Germany. The second one is the high-school girl that I talked about; I haven't seen her in 6 years, so I know nothing about her (though I have her e-mail address). The third one is a girl I met during a trip to a science museum at the other end of Germany, because she strayed alone in the physics department just like me; I only had a few days to get to know her, and even if I knew how to contact her now, I don't think it would make any difference.

Recently, there were also a physics and a math student whom I liked a bit, until they told me about their boyfriends.

I don't think its helpful to think of people in terms of leagues. But I do understand what its like to see a beautiful woman with a good job, active in sports and cultural events, and think wow she's just better than me in every way (that society judges is good).

But not many people are like that, most people are flawed in some way. I know I've got flaws, so I bare that in mind when thinking about the flaws in potential partners. As long as our flaws don't overlap, then it should be fine, and there's no reason at all to feel like there's some kind of arbitrary league table where we could both be placed.