Post-Breakup Vehicular Vandalism

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Cafeaulait
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22 Jul 2013, 2:10 pm

waitykatie



zarok
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22 Jul 2013, 2:37 pm

I believe this might happen but more with very immature people. like college girls or if a guy does something like cheating. If you date well balanced people without anger issues. Then this shouldn't be a problem. This sounds like high schooler stuff.


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albedo
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22 Jul 2013, 4:14 pm

Are you serious? How many people you know this is happened to?

You couldn't be more wrong about these types of stories. What make good TV isn't reality, it is good story.

Reality is dominated by media aware exhibitionists, not average people.



SheldonGC
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22 Jul 2013, 6:01 pm

I disagree with many people here, I think the OP really does have this anxiety.

However, this kind of vandalism doesn't happen very often, and if it does happen, he should just take as it comes, deal with it then, there's no need to worry about it all the time. If it does happen, press charges, sue her, or just let it go, and let the insurance take care of it. There's many things that are more likely to happen, like say, getting in a traffic accident while driving that car.



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22 Jul 2013, 6:52 pm

You could always get a garage?


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22 Jul 2013, 10:49 pm

So far, it seems like most people are laughing at this thread. I would have expected such dismissive attitudes from a video gaming site of some sorts, but I expected something better from WrongPlanet. Expectations don't always get met, unfortunately.

Just to illustrate that my fear is real, let me share a story. A few months ago, I ended a years-long friendship with a woman who has been verbally abusing me for over six months prior. She was a good friend at the beginning, until she sensed weakness in me or something. So I was stupid enough to stay friends with her, even with the abuse she put me through, because I valued the history of friendship. Until one day, when she majorly betrayed me, and I dumper her on the spot, and told her to never contact me again or I will press charges. Of course, she was furious. "How dare he end a friendship with ME?!", must have been her thoughts. Which only proves she had Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder; whichever one it was, I really don't care.

Bright and early next morning, I drove to the police station and expressed my concerns. I even asked to speak to a male officer when I got there. He took my concern very seriously, although he said that very few men address that concern proactively, rather than reactively. He put together a report; recorded that woman's name, address, and whereabouts; recorded my car's model, color, and plate number; and told me he'd have an officer check on my vehicle. And that was true; I saw squad cars pull up next my car for about ten days after I visited the station. To this day, I have a whole lot of respect for my town's police force.

I find it kind of ironic that a (presumably NT) police officer took my concerns about post-breakup (even if friendship) vehicular vandalism very seriously, while an aspie social support site has made a laughingstock out of me. Oh well, maybe WP is changing.



JanuaryMan
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23 Jul 2013, 3:07 am

Hey Aspie1. You did the right thing with that girl, she was a nutcase.
However, there was at no point any indication she would smash your car up, and lo and behold she didn't....................

Kudos for going to the cops beforehand but doesn't it just prove your point that maybe you're being a little overly anxious or paranoid?
I'm sorry for your bad experience with this woman but I really am having a hard time understanding where this whole car business comes into play unless you've seen one too many tv shows.



waitykatie
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23 Jul 2013, 5:59 am

It is very difficult to predict when verbal abuse and betrayal will escalate to physical violence. In part, because "abuse" and "betrayal" are perceived subjectively by the recipient. My Aspie and I have had exhaustively long conversations on exactly this point. He had no idea I felt abused and betrayed by him, and did not understand that I broke up with him, because I could no longer predict how far he'd go. When it was his turn to be on the receiving end of abuse and betrayals, he downplayed it and tuned it out.

I think the difference is, he is more desperate to hang on to relationships than I am. Maybe because it is easier for me to develop them. I've also had more experience, and accept that they don't all work out. He also grew up in a household where a parent yelling at him was normal. So I think his threshold for "abuse" is higher than mine. I've tried to explain to him, that the content of the yelling matters.

In general, if the verbal abuse includes threats of physical violence (against persons or property), RUN. That is not normal, even in the heat of the moment when tempers are high. Especially if there is a history of such threats being carried out. In my experience, personality-disordered people have ways of warning you what they're going to do, before they do it.

Who knows if Aspie1 overreacted - if that woman was simply surprised, hurt, or insulted by his threat to press charges. She may not have known how her behavior was perceived. Either way, I think it is great that the police are responsive and take such concerns seriously. I certainly wish my Aspie would take his ex's threats more seriously, and keep the police informed.

I am actually trying to decide whether to ask him to always take the train or a taxi to my place, because I'm that worried she has his car bugged, so she can track his movements. The technology is cheap, legal, and easy to use. Right now she doesn't have any idea I'm in the picture, or where I live. I'd really like to keep it that way.

Bottom line: I'd never dismiss anyone as "paranoid," for taking reasonable precautions if they feel threatened.



Aspie1
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23 Jul 2013, 7:21 am

waitykatie wrote:
Who knows if Aspie1 overreacted - if that woman was simply surprised, hurt, or insulted by his threat to press charges. She may not have known how her behavior was perceived. Either way, I think it is great that the police are responsive and take such concerns seriously. I certainly wish my Aspie would take his ex's threats more seriously, and keep the police informed.
...
Bottom line: I'd never dismiss anyone as "paranoid," for taking reasonable precautions if they feel threatened.

Thanks for being supportive. Truth be told, my fear of my car being vandalized post-breakup has been around for long before this friend started abusing me. So I was afraid to stop being friends with that girl, because I was sure she would vandalize my car if I did that. She has a history of turning things I said against me. Of course, she told me was "weird and paranoid", and unleashed a barrage of abuse on me. She said she did it "to open my eyes about how paranoid I was. Whatever, she's gone from my life for good now. And her name is still in my police department's file. So, I suppose nothing is stopping me from reporting all my exes to the police after I break up with them. But a saving grace is that it's usually the girl who broke up with me. And in those cases, the guy's car never gets vandalized, only when he initiates the break-up.

I think I picked up the fear from the media or something. But remember: art imitates life. It absolutely has to be common enough in real life for the producers to pick up that idea. It just has to. Otherwise it wouldn't be a believable plot. I may have "seen one too many TV shows," but their producers got the idea from somewhere. And why would the police officer I spoke to take me so seriously, if there wasn't a real danger of my car getting trashed? Surely, he's heard similar stories before, enough to know I didn't go there to waste taxpayers' money.



waitykatie
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23 Jul 2013, 10:47 am

"Paranoia" is a word that gets thrown around too loosely. We live in a dangerous, unpredictable world, and there ARE crazies out there. I have been victimized by a few of them, and so have my loved ones. Exercising caution is good and wise. It becomes problematic - "paranoia" - when it keeps us from living a full, normal life.

I have just such a relative who takes it way too far. He lives in a hole underground in the middle of nowhere, and has the exterior bristling with hidden cameras - so certain is he that The Government is going to come after him for Something. He has completely cut himself from society. He's insane.

Point is, the precautions Aspie1 and I take don't begin to approach the level of actual, real paranoia. Specific individuals' behavior worries us, and so we take *reasonable* (not extreme) steps to protect ourselves. I don't think that's being paranoid. An abundance of caution? Maybe. But he doesn't want his car trashed, and I don't want a psychotic ex kicking in my door at 3 am.

I agree, the media has an influence. On one hand, I think it's good that people are warned about things that never would have occurred to them. On the other hand, I think it gives the crazies ideas . . . or rather, sends the message that "these things happen . . . and sometimes it's justified." Like that Carrie Underwood video. Totally glorified property destruction in response to an emotional wound. My reaction was, people like that deserve each other.

My Aspie and I are both "paranoid." It's funny, we debate because I think he's nervous about the wrong things. I think he's making the classic mistake of preparing to fight the last war. I keep my eye on the horizon, and war-game the next one. I'm not sure how to convince him that I'm right! :P



SheldonGC
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23 Jul 2013, 1:57 pm

Hey Aspie1, now that you have said more about awful past experiences you have had before, I'm starting to understand why you have been anxious about this. When you've been hurt before, it does make you worry that worse could happen in the future.

Had you said more about what you have dealt with before, I probably would have responded differently....



Jasper1
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23 Jul 2013, 4:35 pm

Going what I'm currently going through with my SO. Vehicular vandalism is a real threat as well to any and all of my personal belongings. When I first met my SO I never thought that she would turn out to be like this, but she has. It took years of living together and me to be in a crummy financial situation for this to come about. The bottom line is it's better to be safe than sorry. I'm definitely sorry. If I was more precautious and aware to early signs I wouldn't be in my situation.



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24 Jul 2013, 12:41 pm

It's a real thing that happens, but it's probably more dependent on how crazy the person is you broke up with. I don't recall knowing anyone who did that to anybody, and I'm honestly crazy enough to do something like that but I wouldn't do it because it's pointless. I'd be more likely to go to their house and scream at them.

Also, your car insurance should cover that and a rental in the unlikely event something like that happens. The most common things would be egging your car, keying your car, cutting your tires, or busting the windows. I don't think anybody would come out there and flat out destroy it.


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