How to comfort someone with AS?

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Hi there Fiaf,
I was very touched by your post - I'm in much the same situation. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 3. Always knew he was 'different' but never had a tag for it until earlier this year so I'm on an enormous learning curve at the mo. Like your man he is going through a phase of being depressed and distant (did you say distant? maybe not ) and finding a way to connect to him is hard. Like you, my instinct is to go down the tactile route but when he's like this he doesn't respond and that can feel like rejection and I don't cope well with that!

So what to do? Give him space, try not to 'burden' him with my emotional responses seem to be top of the list. That second one can be hard as it does sometimes feels unfair, as if I have to respect his emotional state but must put mine to one side. However ultimately it comes down to what is most important? I love my man and need to get him back on an even keel so I will try to do what he needs, even though it might seem strange or feel at times, as if he's asking me to do something downright rude!

Don't know if that helps - I find one of the best things about this site is the realisation that I'm not alone...good luck

I've heard it said that aspies recharge by being alone. The book I'm reading seem to suggest that and says that the social defecits of aspergers only go away when they are completely on their own because there is no social demands in that situation. I may be slightly misquoting there, not good at remembering exact wordings.

A symptom of depression is withdrawing, and I know from experience it can be hard to reach someone with depression. So, it may be the biggest part of it.

Does he have his (literal) own space?

Maybe it's not physical comforts he needs. You could try favourite foods. Maybe consider enviroment issues like lighting, noise (music?), smells etc.



The book is "The complete guide to Aspergers syndrome" in case you wondered.