Girl dates me for being nice to her: Matrix glitch report.

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In my experience, I'm thinking this is the way to go. I'm thinking a girl needs to see you and think about you from a distance, not always have you in their face. It's not the same as "pretending" not to like a girl, but it is kind of a game. It's certainly better than honing in on a girl before you really know anything or sense anything, and ultimately annoying her.

Acting nice breeds resentment. But you were doing it because it was your moral code

yer funny!

Are you SURE she invited you to a picnic, or did you just perceive that?
Are you saying it's a glitch because it seemed just too easy?
Mates are attracted through conversation, so that is not the glitch. If someone tries to attract a mate for courting purposes, is that not manipulation? Isn't conversation the key to things happening more naturally, in the beginning?
I sure wouldn't mind my ass smacked if it were the result of automatic affection and not the intention to gain it. After all, who doesn't wanna be 'liked' back?

A self-respecting girl doesn't date someone for being "nice" - there was OBVIOUSLY some neurological chemistry.

lol I really need to keep my audience in mind better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raVqiQhU-Fw

I'M PUTTING MY SARCASM SIGN UP FOR YOU, PEOPLE.

Mate, you've only hooked her. If you wanna keep her you need to start acting all moody and stuff. Perhaps be seen around the wrong crowd. She'll want to "fix" you and won't leave until her project is complete!

[/sarcasm]

Good luck to ya. Hopefully things go well for you.

I got a question and a comment.

How did you come to the conclusion that she liked you? Has she done anything to demonstrate that she "liked you liked you", and not just liked you as a friend/helper/classmate? Does she touch you a lot? Did she hug you in a way that's more than friendly? Anything else you've observed that gave you the idea that she liked you? My benchmark of romantic interest is a French kiss, which usually only happens after you've gone out at least once. So test it: try to ask her on a date. If she's interested like you say she is, she will not turn you down. Do something simple but with a slight romantic tone.

I've had the same situation when I was in high school, my senior year. There was a girl in my class who seemed to be interested in me. I hung out together a lot, and I helped her with her homework. We were even supposed to go on a date. What killed it was when I told her I didn't have a car, she broke the date. Stupid me still kept helping her, hoping she'll see past the car (or lack thereof). She didn't. So my situation is similar to yours. She enjoyed the helping part because she enjoyed spending time with me. The interest was already there before the helping started. The same might be true for you.

Is it just me, or is asking someone out after helping them with their homework highly inappropriate?

If she has already made it clear that she is interested in you, it seems fine.

He didn't ask her out after helping her with her homework, she asked him. Besides, it doesn't even sound like he helped her with the intention of getting a date with her nor did he expect it, it was more because he says that explaining the work to other helps him understand it. So, he probably even would of done it if it was another guy asking for help. When I was an undergrad, I also helped other people with the work for the same reasons, I wish that I got that lucky.

Yes, it was more a reaction to Aspie1.

I help people with their homework all the time. It's in fact mostly girls that ask; they seem to be better at accepting help, and they don't ask in such an entitled fashion. [*] To me, even hoping that this might lead to anything feels wrong. I wish though, that people talked to me more when they do not have a math or computer-related question.

[*] When guys ask for help, it's usually: "I have a paper due tomorrow. I don't understand anything about this, I haven't done anything before, and I need some help right now." There are exceptions on both sides, though.

This is just further proof of what I've been saying all along. The more genuine you are around people, the more likely it is that the right ones will notice and respond positively.

What if Shau had decided to be a fake and act like a disinterested jerk? Do you think she would have asked him out?

No, but that totally hote babe who gets his bus would!

I think the key is that, he had a situation where he could connect, and that he did.

A lot of people moping about not being noticed etc etc don't get into those situations, or if they do, they don't show anything of themselves.

"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than liked for who I am not". Simplistic, maybe, but if you want something long-term...

So true. The sheer number of sad lonely Aspie guys I see on here who's attempts at dating essentially boil down to trying to act more NT and be someone (anyone) other than themselves and then wonder why nobody wants them, is upsetting. As soon as I decided that I didn't care if 99% of people thought I was weird, annoying or creepy, other awesomely wierd people began coming out of the woodwork and it has lead to some really deep friendships, strong roomate bonds and an profoundly romantic relationship.

Geekonychus knows what up

I'll give you guys a serious version.

Basically, I'm working on part 1 my MSc (master of science), which involves one full year of theory, then one full year of research (part 2). The girl in my class is not a native English speaker, and as a result she usually cannot understand what the lecturers are talking about. By the end of the year she was really struggling and had offered other classmates money to tutor her (there was no proper tutors available for the subject).

Explaining things to people helps me to understand a topic better because it forces me to organize everything inside of my head. When I don't have people to explain things to, I just explain it to myself as if I were explaining the topic to a stranger, does the same thing. Because of this, I had no qualms with helping her out. As I'm not a qualified tutor or even someone who has completed that course with a decent grade before, I didn't feel right about accepting money so I didn't.

Now, as she comes from a foreign country that doesn't exactly smile upon dating outsiders, I really hadn't foreseen anything happening with this girl. Because of this, I had "purity of intention", so to speak. I was honestly surprised when I found out that she liked me.

There were a few signs at first. For example, we'd have these "moments" looking at each other and you could feel this electricity. Later we were flirting and she ended up telling me that she liked me.



We've done hugging, kissing, cuddling, and dating. If I'm in the friend zone, this chick's "friend zone" is awfully generous. Plus, it's been really good relationship practice. If she wants to bugger off as soon as she's done with me, I'm rather satisfied with the transaction. I'm happy for her to stick around, though, she's a lovely woman.

If you're genuinely happy with these people, that's great. But some people, myself included, would feel like they're settling. I suspect most guys would too if they were honest with themselves.

I can easily get a girlfriend right now. But I won't be happy because I know I have the potential to find someone better. I want someone attractive, with a great feminine vibe, adventurous, spontaneous, intelligent, and funny. These are high quality women who almost always are only interested in high quality men. I'm not going to sit around and hope I get lucky. I'm going to be proactive and whip myself into good dating shape. It's no different from going to the gym.

I haven't read every post in this thread, but you should not act disinterested or like a jerk/as*hole. For some reason, men think there are only 2 options--be a nice guy or a jerk/as*hole. The 3rd option is to have the best qualities of the nice guy and jerk/as*hole and get rid of the bad qualities. That 3rd option will always be more attractive than the nice guy or jerk/as*hole.

At the end of the day though, it's not about the women. The process of self-improvement is about maximizing my potential in all areas of life. So I can achieve greater goals. High quality women is just one of many goals.