Girlfriend tells me she's glad I'm not a "playboy"

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Tequila
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13 Oct 2013, 9:34 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
PDA and sexual abstinence are two different things.


Indeed. This is very important.

I could understand her being very reserved about not wanting to hold hands in public, but it sounds like she won't go near you sexually and that she will probably use the 'figleaf' of sex in order to get married to you so that you can help support her family back at home. I understand that you say that sex isn't really particularly important to you but it will be if you come to the realisation that you're never going to have sex with someone who you love dearly.

I will put ₭700,000 (more than a month's wages in Laos) on the idea that, if you get married, she will continue to find excuses not to have sex with you, or if she does have sex with you that it will be a duty or an ordeal for her.



octobertiger
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13 Oct 2013, 9:56 am

^ Ridiculous comment above. It's a possibility, of course it is, but you don't know that for a fact. You also don't understand the belief that many South East Asian women have, of 'giving themselves to one man'.

The OP knows her and the circumstances better than us.

What's more probable is that, in her head, she's got the names of your first three children sussed. :P

Shau, how long have you been seeing this woman?



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2013, 10:09 am

Tequila wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
PDA and sexual abstinence are two different things.


Indeed. This is very important.

I could understand her being very reserved about not wanting to hold hands in public, but it sounds like she won't go near you sexually and that she will probably use the 'figleaf' of sex in order to get married to you so that you can help support her family back at home. I understand that you say that sex isn't really particularly important to you but it will be if you come to the realisation that you're never going to have sex with someone who you love dearly.

I will put ₭700,000 (more than a month's wages in Laos) on the idea that, if you get married, she will continue to find excuses not to have sex with you, or if she does have sex with you that it will be a duty or an ordeal for her.



Not necessary, Middle/South/Far Eastern/Asian cultures are usually reserved in public but they are as horny as rabbits behind the doors.

And tiger is right about the 'giving self to one man' mentality, that's why they are more likely to be prude with guys just wanting casual sex and generally way more marriage-oriented, often they would use "I am not like Western/White girls!" go figure, all these are generalities talk of course.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 13 Oct 2013, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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13 Oct 2013, 10:13 am

Shau wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Good luck ... you'll need it when she starts moving her immigrant relatives into your home ...
You speaking from experience there? We'll be able to swap stories about our azn waifus!

So far, we've 'hosted' her father, her nephew, a couple of nieces, her best friend from university (and her family), some friends who were passing through, and a few others that I still don't know how we're related.

It's all been temporary, of course, and only long enough for them to get jobs and secure places of their own ... maybe a few months, at the most.

Bits of advice: Buy a rice cooker and learn how to use it; 'Tiger' brand is the best. Learn to like fish. Most important, find a quiet place in the back yard or garage where you can blow off some emotional steam without offending the others. If they find out that you are frustrated with them (... and it will happen ...), they will take offense, and you will have to deal with your wife's embarrassment and anger.

Disclaimer: I am painting Asian behavior with a very broad brush, and what I know about Philippine-Catholic culture may not apply to Laotian-Buddhist culture at all. But the advice about the rice cooker still stands.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2013, 10:19 am

You are a true human bridge between nations, Fnord, I am proud of you.



Fnord
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13 Oct 2013, 10:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You are a true human bridge between nations, Fnord, I am proud of you.

Walang-po anuman!



Tequila
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13 Oct 2013, 10:29 am

octobertiger wrote:
^ Ridiculous comment above. It's a possibility, of course it is, but you don't know that for a fact. You also don't understand the belief that many South East Asian women have, of 'giving themselves to one man'.


Not necessarily. If this is commonplace in South East Asian cultures that there is plenty of sex after marriage, I might be less wary.

What I'd be concerned about is her giving herself to no man.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Not necessary, Middle/South/Far Eastern/Asian cultures are usually reserved in public but they are as horny as rabbits behind the doors.


Are you saying married couples are? I don't see how if there isn't a huge, almost impossible flicker of sexual desire beforehand that things would change.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
generally way more marriage-oriented, often they would use "I am not like Western/White girls!" go figure, all these are generalities talk of course.


I get that, but generally in Western culture a person's sex life does not get better after they are married. Sex often tails off or stops altogether rather than the other way around.

Are you telling me that it gets better in more conservative societies?

One would hope that she opens up in other ways.

octobertiger wrote:
What's more probable is that, in her head, she's got the names of your first three children sussed.


I suppose it's a very good way for her to be able to say that she's not up for it tonight.

That reminds me of a recent joke that I heard:

Quote:
After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting horny.

"Look," says Bob, "Neither of us are gay, but if you pretend to be a woman for me, when I'm done, I'll pretend to be a woman for you."

Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob rogers him up the arse with his huge wang. When it's over, Geoff asks Bob for his go.

"Piss off," Bob replies, "I've got a headache."



Tequila
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13 Oct 2013, 10:29 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You are a true human bridge between nations, Fnord, I am proud of you.


How tall do you think he is, man? ;)



octobertiger
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13 Oct 2013, 10:30 am

Kezzstar wrote:
Pfft, sex. It's the cuddles afterwards you want.


That's what people say when they haven't ever had any great sex :P



octobertiger
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13 Oct 2013, 10:41 am

Fnord wrote:
Disclaimer: I am painting Asian behavior with a very broad brush, and what I know about Philippine-Catholic culture may not apply to Laotian-Buddhist culture at all. But the advice about the rice cooker still stands.


Philippine culture - what's yours is everyone's. Often all at the same time. Rice cooker's a great shout.



Tequila
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13 Oct 2013, 10:44 am

octobertiger wrote:
Philippine culture - what's yours is everyone's. Often all at the same time.


Group wincest! :D



Fnord
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13 Oct 2013, 11:05 am

octobertiger wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Disclaimer: I am painting Asian behavior with a very broad brush, and what I know about Philippine-Catholic culture may not apply to Laotian-Buddhist culture at all. But the advice about the rice cooker still stands.
Philippine culture - what's yours is everyone's ...

Not quite everyone, and certainly not everywhere.

Poorer economies tend to be more socialistic culture-wise, while wealthier economies tend to be more capitalistic (again, culture-wise). Many of the Philippinos that I've met after they've immigrated to the U.S. seem to appreciate the fact that what they earn here is truly theirs, and not owed to some bario boss as a form of "patronage" (here we call it "protection" or "community insurance"). Most of the Philippine immigrants are also professionals - doctors, lawyers, nurses, engineers, et cetera - and not just day-laborers.

Which brings up a point of contention: The U.S. Government seems to impose higher standards on Philippine immigrants than on immigrants from Germany, Japan and Mexico. Just to get a resident visa, a Philippino must prove that he or she already owns property and has money in the bank before coming here. Germans, Japanese and Mexicans have no such restrictions. Mexican immigrants (the illegal ones) are even offered "Amnesty" toward gaining citizenship, while Philippinos who overstay their visas are rounded up, detained and deported with only the barest minimum of respect to their civil rights. Why is that?

octobertiger wrote:
Rice cooker's a great shout.

It's almost essential in an Asian household (imo).



lost561
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13 Oct 2013, 11:19 am

Fnord wrote:
Good luck ... you'll need it when she starts moving her immigrant relatives into your home ...


**edit: saw that your wife is from the Philippines. I'm talking to a woman from Batagnas city right now and going to set up a visit once I get a job.

Is your wife mixed Filipina; Asian & Spanish a bit or just Asian?



Last edited by lost561 on 13 Oct 2013, 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

octobertiger
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13 Oct 2013, 11:22 am

Fnord, I wasn't talking about Filipinos in the US, but in their own culture.

I've met a few Filipinas in the UK, and they've adapted - but then again, if you're going to travel thousands of miles to live in a materialistic country, you're going to probably be prepared to be less communal, and more materialistic.

Considering the close ties between the US and the Philippines, the military bases, McArthur etc. and the almost complete worship the Philippines seems to have towards the US, I'm surprised to hear from you that Filipino immigration is dealt so harshly by the US...probably it realises that if it wasn't so harsh, there'd be 99 million more people in the States tomorrow morning! :lol:



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Oct 2013, 1:10 pm

Quote:
I get that, but generally in Western culture a person's sex life does not get better after they are married. Sex often tails off or stops altogether rather than the other way around.


Western studies on western societies show that married people get more sex than single people.



Quote:
Are you saying married couples are? I don't see how if there isn't a huge, almost impossible flicker of sexual desire beforehand that things would change.


I was talking about the unmarried too- some unmarried women in some of those cultures would go without vaginal penetration tho.



octobertiger
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13 Oct 2013, 1:46 pm

More of these dumb stats. There was one about the average couple having sex 125 times a day, sorry, year.

Once again - who's asked, when, what questions, are they being honest, how many people etc. And what's 'average'

It all depends. I don't think many people reading this are 'average', so why apply an average stat.

I'm starting to realise that a lot of trouble on the L&D section is caused by some people religiously applying statistics without questioning them.

I'm glad I never lived my life by statistics!