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AlexandertheSolitary
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09 Feb 2007, 4:19 pm

PopeJaimie wrote:
AlexandertheSolitary wrote:
richardbenson wrote:
congratulations on your first date. i recently lossed my virginity wich i'm very proud of


Who were you congratulating? You did not use a quotation and the immediately preceding person, namely myself, has as yet never gone out with anyone. Without wishing to hurt your feelings I do not understand your pride (I hope my judgementalism is not being colured by my envy here! Besetting sins, even ill-assorted ones, seem to enjoy one another's company with me). Sorry if I am being rude. No ill feelings I hope.


In my experience, when someone replies way down a thread sans quotes, it's generally accepted to mean that this person is replying to the OP. Unless that doesn't make any sense, which, in this case, it does.

And everyone, thank you for your advice (and commiseration, if I'm using that word correctly). I went out with him again tonight, and I didn't have a problem with the goodnight hug, because I was prepared for it this time.

But then I got tongue tied and said good night like 3 times in a row. :P Haha. Oh well.


Sorry about the confusion. Good luck!



Popsicle
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12 Feb 2007, 1:35 am

Whether NT or AS this would actually be the same dilemma in some ways.

You have every right to take physical contact at YOUR own pace. Just tell him that you haven't really had a relationship before, or haven't been physical with anyone before, however you want to say it. If he does not understand or wants to rush you anyway i.e. wants to sleep with you, or kiss you before you are ready, then he is no gentleman and is not caring about your feelings. THAT means he doesn't care about you REALLY, so it is no loss to find that out and move on.

As for how to say it, just state it plainly and simply, and probably he will not take offense. After all it is how you feel. You haven't said anything bad about him. If you dont' say anything at all he may conclude you are rejecting HIM. So it is better to state the truth. Don't go on very long about it, just say something like, "I want to take things slowly" or "I haven't really gotten physical with anyone before. I'd like to take this slowly". Plenty of NT people feel this way also.

Now for a long term relationship most people will eventually want kissing, touching, sex, etc. That is something you will have to think about whether you are ready for or not. If you are not, then just date and do not get serious with anyone unless they also do not like touching. It would not be fair to either of you.

If you do all this and take things slowly enough then by the end of semester you will still not have had sex (which I assume is fine with you). As such there will be less awkwardness and no need to dump him.

if things do not work out on a personality basis, the things people usually say if dumping someone is, "this isn't working out" or "I don't feel we are compatible". Try to keep things vague and do not list bad things about him so his feelings are not hurt.

Don't worry about too many things too far in advance. Many of the worries may never come up at all. Also many people are not as sensitive as you might fear. He may only want something casual or just friendship himself. If he falls madly in love with you and then you tell him you never want to have sex with him so a relationship is impossible THEN he may get hurt, so as above it is best to be honest from the start. Don't rule things out completely unless you are sure they will never happen - otherwise just say you want to take things slowly, or you want to take things at your own pace. That way you are not getting ahead of yourself. It will cause fewer problems for both of you.

If he decides it is not working out for HIM, hopefully he will just say so.