Why must love be so hard?

Post Reply New Topic

I know what you mean. I know aspie women who fell for the first guy that came along and stayed with them permanently.



Which threads? Now I want to read them!



What? You wanted me to go with that other woman. The one from church. She wasn't as good. This one's the same age as me and doesn't have kids.



Okay so maybe you boosted my confidence a bit. Also helped me realize I shouldn't date someone just because they have two X chromosomes.



Damn straight I am!

BTW I fixed your quotes for you

Love is actually completely unnecessary for dating. Most of the times it's not present from what I observe. Most people are incapable of love, having had it taught out of them as young children and now what they consider love is a mixture of lust, peer pressure and unmet needs.

OP - what is this destination that you have in mind - what does 'having a relationship' look and feel like in your head?

"I lust you" sounds better than "I love you" to most men I think.

Says you

You're joking me, right! I said 'avoid'. Okay, this one you're into, tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me.

My quotes were messed up? Oh Excuse Me. Thanks for cleaning up my mess, janitor dude

No, not beer goggles, if that was the case, they wouldnt still want me after they sobered up.
The truth is, I was extraordinarily good looking, to the extent Women thought they had no chance with me, that combined with the fact I had no self confidence due to having been abandoned by my Mother, I could never approach them, and they could never approach me.

Until they were drunk that is, and they would lose their inhibitions, Women used to just grab me in pubs and spend the rest of the evening snogging me, whilst I would be concentrating on trying not to be sick in their mouths as I would have had a few as well, and then having to close my eyes didnt feel so good.

Yeah, she's a right ice queen, isn't she.

Little does she realise: all learning is remembering.

You did at first



Here in Australia it's 5:30AM, central daylight time and I have an early start tomorrow. I require at least three hours of sleep a night so I'll try to keep this brief (not easy for me considering my hypergraphia)

I mentioned her in post no. 243011, titled "Topics of conversation". We've been talking on a dating site for a month and she seems to like me. We have some common interests, including video games and apparently have compatible personalities. She wants to meet on Friday. I get on with her better than women I've been on actual dates with. She says she picked me because I'm the only guy she talked to on the whole site who didn't act like a jerk (see, nice guys can win). Also she says geeks are sexy



You know how pedantic I am

Yeah, and I pretty much did at the end, too. I suggested what you could do if you got involved. Anyway, it's by the by, and I don't get any prizes. You do - you avoided a landmine, congrats.

Oh yeah 243011, section 2-344B-ANALLY RETENTIVE? coolio. Hope Friday goes well. If not, hey, keep the faith.

Hypergraphia? Join the NaNoWriMo crew.

Go to sleep, you pedantic hypergraphic ladies man ar$ewipe

I know where you're coming from because it's a mind set I previously had, but thats a big error. Having the idea in general that you should have girls approach you is so so wrong I'm afraid. That's you giving power to an argument that's silly because like all aspies, like I was, we're kinda cowards when it comes to approaching girls and we throw up all kind of excuses to ourselves to procrastinate over it. To be clear, it's your job to approach them and that's it.

Its different for girls than guys. Guys see what they want and know it instantly, for girls things come on slower.

Girls emotionally are at the mercy of their feelings in a way that guys arent. It might not seem that way but they are far more open to being convinced than u think.

They might be hard to get interested in you, but when they are interested and you decide that you aren't happy with the relationship and move on, it's them who are are still hanging onto it. They're slow to start but slow to stop also.

A big thing with girls is to have someone so interested in them so much that its obvious. They like bad boys because they give the emotional response they look for. I never knew this of myself until relatively recently but when u do properly fall for someone all the rules do actually go out the window. When I properly fell for this girl for the first time in my life I totally didn't give a crap and it kinda broke things for me. I went from that mindset of thinking girls should approach me to being the kind of person that is totally blunt with regards to saying what I want and believe me, girls LOVE that. Now, even though things haven't worked out, I feel like a new person and that bluntness and ability to approach girls remains. It really is true that its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved.

Personally, I think u just haven't met the right person. Try to meet girls more like us. Nt girls are baffling and u might convince yourself there's something wrong with you, but it's not true, we just don't mix.

I wasn't implying that I believed girls should approach me, my rule was simply that I should do the asking since I'm the one who's interested. However, you did notice that I initially tried to act "like a girl" - at least in some ways - to mirror their behavior, since that seems like the logical thing to do. Over time, I have learned many guidelines, but still have lost my confidence in dating. What I need is another aspie, like myself, to date, in order to regain my confidence. I can't expect her to be mine forever, but I can at least be part of the NT process of dating, but within my own aspie comfort zone.

ice queen? Twice now? That's it, no more hugs for you.



Ya'll go on telling yourself whatever it is you need to get you through the day.

Yes, and I think a slow dance would be better suited to many including the OP!

This is very good advice. I have a new-found respect for you, sir!

I read the title and read the Original Post. I will admit this now: I skimmed through everything else because I knew I was going to post some really random s**t tonight. Something that I was forced to learn in a bit of a spiritual journey.

As we all know, the Sith is in control of the world here. The Sith is a very powerful force that tries to persuade you into the dark side. The dark side will tell you things that contradict eachother. Contradiction leads to confusion. Confusion leads to anger. Anger leads to suffering. Suffering leads to the dark side.

Now... the light side of the force is used for good. The ladies want nice, yes. But they want some assertiveness. I just arranged for a date on Friday by asking her out for Friday to learn some latin dancing. Then when she agreed, I said "good, I will see you Friday." I made these arrangements on Sunday. Since then, we briefly communicated yesterday, no mention of Friday. That was it. I don't text her or phone her unless I have something to say, or I want to make plans to see her. I want to arrange our communication to be face to face so that we can:

A. Have fun.
B. Have more to talk about.

Too much communication early on will ruin interest. That much I have learned in my experience. I also don't know if I want to be just friends, or lovers with this new person yet.