Realistically, what are the chances?

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ya but IQ is like penis size. It is often exaggerated.

I could tell people my IQ is 130 and probably get away with it. In reality though, i'm just average intelligence. I could care less.

As for me, I may ask out my old grade school friend when I return from Hawaii tomorrow, but she is just constantly busy and it's a bit difficult to get ahold of her. I'll try my best, though....

In my case, I just gave in to being weird and never achieved much.

Add my natural self-doubt about being different from everyone else, then throw a dose of Asperger's on top of it, and you have someone who is virtually crippled by self-doubt. I've done a lot better at "achieving" (at least professionally-speaking) since I was 30, but I had that long downhill slide from pre-teen to late 20s to overcome at that point.

On three out of four, maybe. All my life, however, I have been unable to "connect" with anyone who is of average intelligence, male or female. They want to talk about reality TV and their new car and getting wasted, and I just cannot relate. If they are capable of talking about the kinds of things I like to talk about, either they simply can't grasp the concepts, or I spend so much time explaining the concepts that I get frustrated and *I* don't want to talk about it anymore. So, yeah, the IQ part is probably mandatory.

Besides, you're describing my ex-husband there, and we're lucky we didn't kill each other. Yeah, we were together for >10 years, and while we loved each other for awhile, I'm not sure we ever liked each other.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

However, you've had an excellent relationship, which most people would dream about. The trouble is, it colours the way you see every other relationship. I know how this feels - I say to myself, what's the point of being with someone if it's just going to be a poorer version of what I've already had? This might make me seem very selfish or self-entitled - I don't know. I guess I've kind of been lucky, given everything. Or not - maybe I was a little spoilt, in a way!

Now, unless I change that attitude - to at least give others a chance - I risk being single for the rest of my life. The danger is making up one's mind that it's not 'going to happen', so one actually has a closed mind, and misses any opportunities, as well as not bothering to check.

However, you are 57, and you live in a small town. You're probably fishing in a very small pond, with some very poor quality fish to boot. Given your past, and the way you see things, there is a high chance that you will be alone for the rest of your life, yes. But some of this is your choice. Surely you could up sticks, move, and find a similar job if this was important to you (yes, I know it wouldn't be easy, but I'm sure it's been done before by people in their 50s).

And, looking at it another way, maybe someone actually needs you - and you are depriving them of yourself. You know what a good relationship is, and what it takes to have one. Most people are so lost on this, and a little bit of help from you could create something special yet...yes, I am a born optimist

^^

I like this - thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

I have given serious thought to pulling up stakes and leaving here. I'm lucky enough to have a decent-paying job, but it's truly a "niche" job that all my past job experience made me a perfect fit for. Because of my odd conglemeration of experience, I wouldn't be able to find anything anywhere that paid even half of what I earn now (believe me, I've looked!). Also, I'd be giving up a defined benefits pension - which these days seem to be rarer than hen's teeth - if I bail in less than four years from now.

Currently, my plan is to stick it out here until I can retire, then sell everything, buy a travel trailer, and go somewhere - anywhere. Even if I never meet someone, at least I will be doing something I love.

Maybe I should go buy some lottery tickets.

There is no such thing as 0.67 of a man.. Or at least, there could be - but 33% of him has been cut off. Which part is he missing? A leg? An arm? Hopefully not a head.

I am loving your earnestness and touching determination to work things out mathematically, but the human spirit cannot be reduced to mathematics.

You need to fall in love with a person, not the statistics provided about them. That is how one falls in love: via a human connection.

You are disqualifying lots of men on the basis that the data collected on them appears to indicate non-compatability with you, but if you met one of those men in person you might fall helplessly in love with him and the criteria list might be torn up forever (even if the man were missing a leg).

I completely get where you're coming from, Molly. One bit of information that I have previously omitted, but that I now see is somewhat relevant: I've had LOTS of relationships, been married three times, been seriously "attached" more times than I can remember. Never had any trouble *finding* relationships - it's just been a problem finding someone with whom I really connected.

My last relationship was the first one that felt connected and "complete." Of course I'm going to want to find someone else that shares a lot of his characteristics! That doesn't mean I'm holding out for an exact duplicate (as sad as it is to contemplate, I know it's not possible). However, I'm pretty certain the things that made our relationship so wonderful are related to the ways in which he was different from all of the other men I've been in relationships with. Those are the things I am hoping to find someday, and the biggest difference from all of the other men I've been involved with was his intelligence combined with his sense of humor. He was the first man I've known who was smart enough to challenge me intellectually. I liked that. I liked it a lot. If it had been simply an intellectual challenge, it probably wouldn't have been that much fun, but he did it with warmth and humor. Somehow, we were able to endlessly amuse each other because of how we connected on an intellectual level. The rest of our connection (emotional and physical) was just icing on the cake as far as we were both concerned.

Having shared that kind of connection with someone, as octobertiger said, I can't help but think that anyone else is going to fall short. I hope that's not true, and I hope when the time comes to move on that I won't hold onto unrealistic expectations, but holy crap! these are some big fragging shoes to fill......

Last edited by Eureka13 on 07 Nov 2013, 3:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Personally I think, as an aspie, getting to the state where you can navigate the world with a degree of confidence is an achievement in itself. Maybe I am deluding myself... I mean I am 26 and I am in a position where I should have been 3-4 years ago, basically starting off as a junior software developer, with some way up the greasy pole to climb. But given how I was just 5 years ago, I feel kind of happy I am even here.

Ok, thanks for clearing that pesky math stuff up. =)

So, I guessing you're less flexible on him being male, and straight(ish)?

Well, how about two guys!
A smart, short guy you can have sit on a pillow while watching TV, and a tall smoker for dancing!
Maybe a third to be your age and agnostic!
Now your odds go way up!
No reason to be too greedy and demand it all from one guy, right?

Or those guys that hang sheetrock, they've got some cool walkie-stillts things, you just gotta buy your man longer slacks. (and bigger shoes, but that's just sexy)


Can you say, "Meester Problem-Solver has done it again?"
(Solver was my mother's maiden name, according to her, my dad came from a long line of Problems)

I'm not going to lie. Your standards are too high. You're not going to find a man if you have too high of standards.

I would say drop the must have an IQ of 130. There are few people with an IQ that high, instead you should replace it with must be a college graduate. That is more common then having an IQ of 130. Also, I would say drop the must be a smoker. Also, instead of looking for someone who is athiest, look for someone who is non-religious (there is a difference) There are a lot more people who consider themselves to be non-religious then people who describe themselves as athiest.




You live in a small town, so your chances of finding someone that matches your criteria is low.

I'd rather be alone than settle for something less than what is going to be truly fulfilling. I've settled before, neither one of us was happy with it, and those relationships ultimately ended badly.

So I may very well end up alone. There are worse things - like being in a severely dysfunctional relationship. You young'uns might have to trust me on this one.

And, no, 1401b, male, straight, and single are not negotiable! But your idea of finding each quality in a different man may have some merit. I'm definitely not set on getting married - the main thing I want in the future is another person who I can totally be myself with. My fiance was the first and only one of those I've had in my life, and once having had that, doing without is rather brutal.

Above 130 IQ men are probably great catch and huge money-makers, so they would already be married at your age, generally-speaking.

At my age, a lot of long-term marriages and relationships are ending via either divorce or the death of one partner. My fiance had been married for 25 years, and his wife divorced him a few years before we met (a combination of menopause and empty nest syndrome). And now I'm effectively a widow. There are a lot of people in my age group with similar circumstances.

P.S. I'm neither wealthy nor movie-star gorgeous, but I'm still a great catch. It ain't about money and/or looks.

Actually a lot of people with high IQs find it hard to find a job they are good at. Being good at IQ tests does not necessarily mean you have a set of skills that you can use to earn a decent living.

This.