Yeah, I think my post was a bit confusing. This bit is really about me when I am feeling depressed and misunderstood.
Quote:
I just find it so hard to watch people seemingly easily getting on with normal lives like everything has just fit into place for them. It just feels like they are deluded fools. Can't they see how hard life is? Why are they denying my pain and pretending everything is peachy?
I'm not saying that a person listening to my problems is the solution. I'm not sure I want them to just listen to my words. It's just that I feel forgotten about as they get on with their lives and are oblivious to my existence durning the time we are not in each other's company. People say they like me, but don't make an effort to see the real me, or don't know what I am up to in my spare time. People don't really know I'm lonely or frustrated with life or that I feel trapped. This forum has helped me to put stuff like that into words as it is an appropriate place to do it.
In real life I don't know what is appropriate to say and what is not appropriate to share. But sometimes I feel so trapped and isolated that I want to let someone see it. There are no appropriate words for it so I say something curt and angry because I feel in pain emotionally. I think I hope they will ask me why I feel that way, rather than recoiling in horror and thinking I'll come back when she's calmed down.
I think that people on here sometimes do the same. Can't think of any examples. But maybe when someone is like, "I've met this new person. What will I do? Is this love?" Some folks are like, "no it isn't, there is no love, get over yourself. Good things don't happen to people like us." because they feel like it's never going to happen for them and they want to express that frustration and how much it hurts.
I don't think it's so much about putting the person down (although it can be. Bullies do that to make themselves feel smarter or better about themselves, but I don't understand that because I feel bad and guilty when I've been mean to someone and I immediately want to take it back).
This section may be percieved to be glutted with negativity because we are told from childhood that love will make us happy and it seems like such an unfair lie and people want to express their disappointment with that false hope that they began their lives with. Nothing else is touted in movies and books in the same way that love is. It is painted as the ultimate happiness, so I think a reaction to that disappointment of not having that happiness is a polar opposite, a very intense negativity.
Family and friends don't help sometimes because they'll say, "So don't you want to meet somoene? When are you going to settle down? Haven't you met someone yet?
It's a strange expectation that we all have to achieve this. I am never asked: "So don't you want to learn Spanish? When are you going to learn how to play the guitar? Haven't you tried caviar yet?"
The intensity in this section is partly because of the intense social expectations put on us by the people we know, or society in general. And we want to lash out against it in some way. Love is somehow very important.
Sorry, that's a bit of a mad ramble, but once I started typing ideas kept coming into my head.
Any thoughts.
16 Nov 2013, 1:08 pm
