How do you know if a guy likes you or wants to be friends?

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octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 4:17 pm

:roll:



Alycat
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16 Nov 2013, 4:20 pm

leafplant wrote:
^ I think you have to smile a lot and cross your fingers that the guy you fancy asks you out. You cannot ask them to anything, they will immediately see you as easy sex. Men are neanderthals. :wink:
He's already talked about how he hates guys like this.

For the record - I don't live in the town I work in, so any meet up would involve me driving for about an hour, and so be a big deal. We don't get lunch breaks so can't eat lunch together.

He probably doesn't even like me :(


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octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 4:23 pm

Alycat wrote:

He probably doesn't even like me :(


You don't know that! He might be thinking that about you.



smudge
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16 Nov 2013, 4:24 pm

leafplant wrote:
You cannot ask them to anything, they will immediately see you as easy sex. Men are neanderthals. :wink:


And they're f***ing judgmental. :( All these stupid rules cause nothing but trouble, and both sexes go along with them.

And yet there are almost 7 billion people in the world.

Whatever you do Alycat, don't tell him you like him. It ruins everything, every time. But then, I'm probably just a bitter old 26 year old. And I probably suck at telling men I like them.


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octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 4:29 pm

I don't think the rules are the problem. Knowing when to break them, and who for, is.

:D

smudge wrote:
Whatever you do Alycat, don't tell him you like him. It ruins everything, every time. But then, I'm probably just a bitter old 26 year old. And I probably suck at telling men I like them.


ERRRRrrrrrrrr...

Oh look, I found Nemo again :nemo: Ain't he cute?



Last edited by octobertiger on 16 Nov 2013, 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Alycat
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16 Nov 2013, 4:30 pm

octobertiger wrote:
Alycat wrote:

He probably doesn't even like me :(


You don't know that! He might be thinking that about you.
I wish there was a way to let him know without the risk of him freaking out and refusing to speak to me ever again.


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smudge
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16 Nov 2013, 4:30 pm

octobertiger wrote:
I don't think the rules are the problem. Knowing when to break them, and who for, is.

:D


Oww, my brain!


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octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 4:36 pm

Alycat wrote:
octobertiger wrote:
Alycat wrote:

He probably doesn't even like me :(


You don't know that! He might be thinking that about you.
I wish there was a way to let him know without the risk of him freaking out and refusing to speak to me ever again.


And then the world will crumble, and the universe will explode.

Maybe you're not scared of him saying no, maybe you're scared of him saying yes? You could be in a relationship with a good man. Some people can't cope with that.

If he's a good man, he'll be overjoyed with you asking him out. If he's a complete twonk, then he'll never speak to you again - doing you a favour, because you won't be wasting your time with a complete twonk.

You got his phone number yet?



Alycat
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16 Nov 2013, 4:42 pm

octobertiger wrote:
Alycat wrote:
octobertiger wrote:
Alycat wrote:

He probably doesn't even like me :(


You don't know that! He might be thinking that about you.
I wish there was a way to let him know without the risk of him freaking out and refusing to speak to me ever again.


And then the world will crumble, and the universe will explode.

Maybe you're not scared of him saying no, maybe you're scared of him saying yes? You could be in a relationship with a good man. Some people can't cope with that.

If he's a good man, he'll be overjoyed with you asking him out.

You got his phone number yet?
For me it would, because I'd still have to see him at work.
I haven't got his number, no. I tried to get it subtly but it didn't work.
It's still early days since I only started working there in September and only started talking to this guy this week (although I've racked up about ten hours talking with him on Facebook). I'm just scared of getting 'invested' and then getting hurt.


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smudge
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16 Nov 2013, 4:45 pm

octobertiger wrote:
smudge wrote:
Whatever you do Alycat, don't tell him you like him. It ruins everything, every time. But then, I'm probably just a bitter old 26 year old. And I probably suck at telling men I like them.


ERRRRrrrrrrrr...

Oh look, I found Nemo again :nemo: Ain't he cute?


:lol: OK, OK. I've just noticed a pattern, that's all.


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octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 4:49 pm

Right...ten hours, in a week. Well, has it been every day? Does he initiate?

Okay. Move to texting then. Just advance a bit by bit. Give him your number. If he doesn't text, he doesn't text. Maybe wait a bit longer, and do this.

What I said about breaking rules above...you've got to think if he is worth it or not. What you say about seeing him every day is a problem. Hence why phone number is the next step.



Last edited by octobertiger on 16 Nov 2013, 4:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 4:53 pm

smudge wrote:
octobertiger wrote:
smudge wrote:
Whatever you do Alycat, don't tell him you like him. It ruins everything, every time. But then, I'm probably just a bitter old 26 year old. And I probably suck at telling men I like them.


ERRRRrrrrrrrr...

Oh look, I found Nemo again :nemo: Ain't he cute?


:lol: OK, OK. I've just noticed a pattern, that's all.


Or created a defence mechanism, justified by past experiences, interpreted through faulty human senses. Who can tell? :wink:



Alycat
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16 Nov 2013, 4:56 pm

octobertiger wrote:
Riiiight...ten hours, in a week. Well, has it been every day? Does he initiate?
It could be more than that. Usually my bedtime is ten-ish but I've been staying online until about two to talk. I think it has been every day. I don't really know who initiates since it's Facebook chat so usually whoever didn't speak last sends a message.

octobertiger wrote:
Okay. Move to texting then. Just advance a bit by bit. Give him your number. If he doesn't text, he doesn't text. Maybe wait a bit longer, and do this.
I have given my number. The response I got was "I'm terrible at replying to texts"


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smudge
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16 Nov 2013, 5:00 pm

octobertiger wrote:
smudge wrote:
octobertiger wrote:
smudge wrote:
Whatever you do Alycat, don't tell him you like him. It ruins everything, every time. But then, I'm probably just a bitter old 26 year old. And I probably suck at telling men I like them.


ERRRRrrrrrrrr...

Oh look, I found Nemo again :nemo: Ain't he cute?


:lol: OK, OK. I've just noticed a pattern, that's all.


Or created a defence mechanism, justified by past experiences, interpreted through faulty human senses. Who can tell? :wink:


Damn, I've been sussed. :P


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octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 5:05 pm

Oh goody :D Why didn't you say before?

Maybe he needs a bit more time - some men do.

Do you want this person as a facebook buddy?

If you don't, I'd talk for a little longer, then put the ball in his court, and ask him to text you if he can think of something he could suggest doing with you in 'real life' - and to text you a response. Then, leave it altogether...unless you think he's worth breaking a lot of rules for.

At some point, he's got to break one of his rules for you. His texting rule would be a good start!



Last edited by octobertiger on 16 Nov 2013, 5:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

octobertiger
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16 Nov 2013, 5:11 pm

smudge wrote:
octobertiger wrote:
smudge wrote:
octobertiger wrote:
smudge wrote:
Whatever you do Alycat, don't tell him you like him. It ruins everything, every time. But then, I'm probably just a bitter old 26 year old. And I probably suck at telling men I like them.


ERRRRrrrrrrrr...

Oh look, I found Nemo again :nemo: Ain't he cute?


:lol: OK, OK. I've just noticed a pattern, that's all.


Or created a defence mechanism, justified by past experiences, interpreted through faulty human senses. Who can tell? :wink:


Damn, I've been sussed. :P


People tend to say that they had x amount of bad experiences, and that led them to conclude that, for instance, 'asking a man out ruins everything, everytime'. This usually is the other way round - the person actually starts with the negative idea, and will use their interpretation of their experiences that will create a lifelong pattern that they will use to reinforce this initial negative idea - at all costs. Why? Because the subconscious believes that it is protecting a person by doing so.

Patterns and habits are the most powerful thing in the world. Look at smoking, drugs addictions, and severe anorexia, for instance. Their power goes beyond the threat of death.