Male Role

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You are right.

Passive? Or passive aggressive?

There's nothing more annoying than always leaving the plans up to me and then nitpicking them after or sulking the whole time because you don't like them.

When I'm in a happy relationship I want him to make plans roughly about 30% of the time, me make the plans the other 30% and then have a joint discussion for the other 40%. There's a fair bit of wiggle room in these percentages. I want to be surprised sometimes. I want to take the lead sometimes. But mostly I want to do stuff that makes us both happy and sometimes I want him to support me in stuff that I like to do that maybe is not his fave and I want to support him sometimes in things that he likes but maybe I've not tried before or am not such a big fan of. And sometimes I want to make plans to do something HE really loves to show him I've noticed what he likes and want to provide him an experience that's about HIM.

But I hate, hate, hate, hate having to make ALL the decisions and all the plans. 1) Because it's stressful and sometimes you just wanna go with the flow. 2) Because it implies he doesn't care enough about me to take that stress off me sometimes or to plan things that he'll know I love.

I am not passive aggressive. The other person is. Refused to make plans, waits for me to make plans, and then rejects them. When asked point blank what they want, can't tell me (about anything).

My mistake is acting on my naturally attraction to women with low self-esteem, low confidence in their ability to make decisions, and poor communication skills. I pick these women because it is familiar. I choose these women so it is irrational to expect them to be any different than what they are. I think I am finally starting to figure this out. It is not what I am doing after the relationship starts. It is choosing to pursue a relationship with a person who has these characteristics in the first place.

I am passive in the sense that I do not try to dominate others. I don't believe in one adult having power over another adult. I think this is because I have AS. NT's are always struggling for dominance. I could care less. That is how I am passive. I am not and have never been masculine in that sense (trying to impose my will on others). I need a partner who is outspoken so we can at least have a conversation and negotiate what we want. I try to get my way sometimes but she pushes back and says what she wants. When she tries to impose her will on me, I am able to push back and say what I want. Sometimes we compromise and let the other person get their way. To me that is a proper functioning relationship.

I feel that, in general, people tend to want to avoid gender bias, BUT there are two major caveats:

1) When dating, women still tend to like men to be in power (at least sometimes).

2) Men were always supposed to be strong and dominant and women were always supposed to be weak and submissive. But now things are changing - at least on one end. Strong, dominant women are accepted in society. However, weak and submissive men do not yet have a place.

Let it be known that the only sure way to get a date is to ask. If you want the date, YOU must ask, regardless of what gender you are. Never rely on someone else to ask you out.

My experience has led me to the same conclusion. That is why I am angry. I am no longer willing to pretend to be something other than what I am in order to get a date. I know that there are some women who will have me, but most won't because I am much more feminine than masculine in the way that I act. I look good enough to attract attention, but the relationship fails as soon as the woman gets to know me and sees that I don't meet the traditional male gender role. I think I need to get over it because I can't change society or biology. It is what it is.

Try dating a much older woman; they may enjoy that dynamic.

Ape instincts can be sometimes stronger than any ultra-egalitarian/feminism principles, even by those who deny having such instincts.

For me, it is not about feminism. It is about being myself. I don't fit standard gender roles and I don't want to put on a show. I'm too old for that s**t. Unfortunately, I think that means going without sex for long periods of time.

It is also about not being an abusive as*hole. I used to treat women like garbage. I don't want to do that anymore. I want be a good person, and for me, that means trying to be respectful, no matter what.

Masculinity (Role) isn't about treating women like garbage tho.

I know, but that is how I treated them because I was a self-centered as*hole. I didn't value their feelings. I only thought about what I wanted, and I felt entitled. Now that I am transitioning from being an adolescent into being a man, I want to learn how to truly love a woman. I think maybe I take it too far though because of guilt about my past.

Last edited by em_tsuj on 10 Dec 2013, 12:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

lol

I would probably make a good monk.

This is just a myth. If a woman is turned down after making the move, the man was not interested in her in the first place. If a man is interested in something, he'd usually love it if he'd get it without doing anything for it.



Or she'd reject him because she makes more money than him.





A lot of men are tired of doing the chasing and would love it if women did it more.



Or she could call herself, given that the man has done most of the work.

there is room for only one lazy person per relationship