Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Why would a person go to such lengths to degrade me?

Page 2 of 4 [ 54 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,124

08 Dec 2013, 6:22 pm

She has a big following on social media but how about in real life? Does she have a lot of friends?

If your getting along well with your floor and she isn't, she could be jealous.

She could still be in a high school mindset.

She could just a b***h.



smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

08 Dec 2013, 6:31 pm

Either way, the people who exclude you because of one person - really, really aren't worth being friends with, in my experience. And if they come back to you? Dump them. Although it hurts, if these people are so easily swayed, they're going to be swayed again in the future.

If you're like me, you'll want friends who know how to think for themselves anyway, and aren't swayed just by someone's social status. That's crap, and not good enough.


_________________
I've left WP.


appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

08 Dec 2013, 6:34 pm

warsend wrote:
sepia wrote:
do you have a campus counsellor? maybe they should be made aware of what is going on.
i would be tempted to ask her how you have offended her and then when she squirms (e.g. there is no real reason) you tell her to get a sense of proportion and back off!
whatever, since she couldn't come to you with whatever her gripe may have once been, her behaviour is well out of line. do you know anyone who can interviene online? i have called bullies out on various occassions (calmly and with the view of a win win solution) and would always do it again. it doesn't make you popular. but people will respect you.


I have somebody I talk to just for check ins and see how I'm doing because of my PDD-NOS. It's tempting to ask her about it but it might make the sitaution worse.

Why does it matter? I can't take your place our give you advice, but I honestly wouldn't care. the minute they see you do care, they can keep getting at you. If you had not cared, you wouldn't have cared, this would already be over. She's talking smack on the internet!


_________________
comedic burp


warsend
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 132

08 Dec 2013, 6:43 pm

appletheclown wrote:
warsend wrote:
sepia wrote:
do you have a campus counsellor? maybe they should be made aware of what is going on.
i would be tempted to ask her how you have offended her and then when she squirms (e.g. there is no real reason) you tell her to get a sense of proportion and back off!
whatever, since she couldn't come to you with whatever her gripe may have once been, her behaviour is well out of line. do you know anyone who can interviene online? i have called bullies out on various occassions (calmly and with the view of a win win solution) and would always do it again. it doesn't make you popular. but people will respect you.


I have somebody I talk to just for check ins and see how I'm doing because of my PDD-NOS. It's tempting to ask her about it but it might make the sitaution worse.

Why does it matter? I can't take your place our give you advice, but I honestly wouldn't care. the minute they see you do care, they can keep getting at you. If you had not cared, you wouldn't have cared, this would already be over. She's talking smack on the internet!


It doesn't. I've ignored her and move on and it's still going on. It's not the internet, I'm hearing it from people in the dorm.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

08 Dec 2013, 7:00 pm

Not playing her game is a good thing then. Don't get involved in the game and do what makes you happy.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


warsend
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 132

08 Dec 2013, 7:26 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
She has a big following on social media but how about in real life? Does she have a lot of friends?

If your getting along well with your floor and she isn't, she could be jealous.

She could still be in a high school mindset.

She could just a b***h.


no, complete opposite. You make good points. Thanks so far for the help. Looking forward to contributing to the forum. :)



KingofKaboom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,471

08 Dec 2013, 9:26 pm

In my experience if she goes to great lengths stop and just ignore her. I can say from experience anyone who is really a friend would tell you and then not care what she says. Don't retaliate don't worry. Some people just aren't ready to be decent and kind for whatever reason they aren't prepared for the risks that being nice involves. Leave your door open make your friends earn your rewards. This person isn't a good one and isn't worth worry. I know I would but I know it isn't big. Try and be stronger than her and just let it go ignore her don't talk to her unless she does and always be polite and leave quickly. In the long run which is all life is this the best choice I've found. Best of luck to you be brave and be honest to yourself.


_________________
Tacos (optional)


MadeUnderground
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Dec 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 635

08 Dec 2013, 9:32 pm

warsend wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
warsend wrote:
sepia wrote:
do you have a campus counsellor? maybe they should be made aware of what is going on.
i would be tempted to ask her how you have offended her and then when she squirms (e.g. there is no real reason) you tell her to get a sense of proportion and back off!
whatever, since she couldn't come to you with whatever her gripe may have once been, her behaviour is well out of line. do you know anyone who can interviene online? i have called bullies out on various occassions (calmly and with the view of a win win solution) and would always do it again. it doesn't make you popular. but people will respect you.


I have somebody I talk to just for check ins and see how I'm doing because of my PDD-NOS. It's tempting to ask her about it but it might make the sitaution worse.

Why does it matter? I can't take your place our give you advice, but I honestly wouldn't care. the minute they see you do care, they can keep getting at you. If you had not cared, you wouldn't have cared, this would already be over. She's talking smack on the internet!


It doesn't. I've ignored her and move on and it's still going on. It's not the internet, I'm hearing it from people in the dorm.




You're doing the right thing. Just go on about your business like nothings going on. If someone is offended by you keeping your door open then **** em. That is a common college dorm practice. A lot of people keep their doors open so people can come and socialize with them.

The more you act like you don't care, the easier it is to truly move on so you really don't care, and it'll bug the **** out of them to no end. It may get worse before it gets better but eventually they'll get tired of making fun of someone who doesn't react.

It's like the equivalent of making fun of paint. That's no fun, right? Right, because it doesn't respond and goes on about being paint.



KingofKaboom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,471

08 Dec 2013, 9:38 pm

MadeUnderground wrote:
You're doing the right thing. Just go on about your business like nothings going on. If someone is offended by you keeping your door open then **** em. That is a common college dorm practice. A lot of people keep their doors open so people can come and socialize with them.

The more you act like you don't care, the easier it is to truly move on so you really don't care, and it'll bug the **** out of them to no end. It may get worse before it gets better but eventually they'll get tired of making fun of someone who doesn't react.

It's like the equivalent of making fun of paint. That's no fun, right? Right, because it doesn't respond and goes on about being paint.

I agree. Best course of action is feigning ignorance. The act becomes real in time and people only see what you choose for them to see. Mean people hate being ignored they don't matter let them know it by not reacting.


_________________
Tacos (optional)


em_tsuj
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

09 Dec 2013, 12:25 am

MadeUnderground wrote:
It may get worse before it gets better but eventually they'll get tired of making fun of someone who doesn't react.


I'm thinking eventually her friends will start criticizing her because she is so obsessed with you. That negativity gets boring after a while. Especially, when you keep acting nice and not getting all bent out of shape. They will start to think, "What's the big deal? This guy is a nice guy." They might even start making fun of her because of her actions.

Well, that's how I would be if I was one of her friends. I'd tell her to move on and to grow up.



warsend
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 132

09 Dec 2013, 3:20 am

em_tsuj wrote:
MadeUnderground wrote:
It may get worse before it gets better but eventually they'll get tired of making fun of someone who doesn't react.


I'm thinking eventually her friends will start criticizing her because she is so obsessed with you. That negativity gets boring after a while. Especially, when you keep acting nice and not getting all bent out of shape. They will start to think, "What's the big deal? This guy is a nice guy." They might even start making fun of her because of her actions.

Well, that's how I would be if I was one of her friends. I'd tell her to move on and to grow up.


people have told me they are saying that to her that she should back off and she keeps doing it. People are on my side on the issue after I explain stuff. Still trying to understand what goes through a person's brain to try so hard to put me down. It's life I guess.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,051
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

09 Dec 2013, 3:56 am

A lot of young females are like this, hpyergamous pricks who have the following attitude and thinking: "how this below-my-league guy DARES to ask me out, I am so 'offended' and I am gonna tell the whole world how this loser even tried to date me".

I am not kidding, this mindset is so common among immature females and especially among young popular college girls.

It happened once to my best friend at school, we were very young, age 11 or something lol, he left a love poem (that I wrote) in her desk.

Next day, instead of simply rejecting, she came showing the letter to her friends and she was like crocodile-crying ;__; "I thought we were friends" - while her friends were laughing. She even showed it to the teacher with bad intent and in front of the whole class but, as expected from an adult, she went "aww that's sweet". He was constantly bullied and bugged about it the whole year, especially by her girlfriends, and he was put down how him a shorter guy even thinks he can score with a much taller, of same age and more popular girl (he was a social oddball).

I got also a lot splashback of the whole bullying too, to a less extent, from her and her friends because they could guess I was the poem's writer as I was very known for my Arabic literature skills and me being his best friend.

There was no facebook back then but I am sure she would have used it if it was there.



Geekonychus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,660

10 Dec 2013, 9:31 am

She's a bully. Either ignore her (if you can) or get an RA/counselor involved.



JinNJ
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 8 Sep 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 65

10 Dec 2013, 12:31 pm

warsend wrote:
Hey, new member here. I have a PDD-NOS just to give a little background of myself.

I'm in college currently. I recently moved into a co-ed building no big deal. I see this chick across the hall from me and start talking to her trying to make conversation. I get feelings that she likes me from her body language and how she was talking.

I found out I've creeped her out by having my door open. I did this for a lot of reasons, one is my hall gives out rewards for having your door open to win big prizes at the end of the year, another is that I've made quite a few friends in my hallway and it's an easy way to let them know I'm not busy and they can come hang out.

I asked her out on a date after a couple times talking to her as I thought she had some attraction for me, it's been a couple of weeks and she hasn't responded, and I haven't talked to her since and have moved on.

I recently found out she has a big following on social media. From what a friend told me who follows her, she's been talking a lot of crap about me. It confuses me as I've always been nice to her and don't get what the deal is. She was talking crap before I asked her out, I'm very upset but don't want to confront her about it and I just want to move on. She posted a vine and even blocked me from seeing it as it was about me.

My question is why would a person go to such lengths to talk bad about me? What would you guys do in this situation? Thanks in advance for serious replies. I got the idea from the creepy thread as that is how I feel this started.


I feel like I always say the stupidest s**t on here, but wtf here goes...

This is what I told my daughters when they were having trouble at school (elementary level). If a person intentionally tries to make you feel bad or put you down unprovoked it is 100% of the time because one of two things.

1. They may have been told lies about you by someone else
2. They are insecure and are seeking the approval/and or adulation of other insecure people around them

So that's my take. Either someone else wants to sabotage you and therefore this third party is the insecure hater or she is the insecure hater.

Now for the advice...

Confront her with these two scenarios (and I'm a bit of a b***h so I would do it in an aggressive and highly confrontational way)

The next time I saw her, alone or in a group, I would just go right up to her and say

I'm a smart person, and what I've concluded is that there is one of two things going on, and I'm not sure which party is you but have you a) been a raging b***h bot because someone else told you something about me that may or may not be true or b) are you such a weak feeble minded individual that you can only feel superior to those who you feel are inferior to you?

Then I would just wait for an answer... but then again. I'm not exactly the nicest of people.



leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

10 Dec 2013, 2:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A lot of young females are like this, hpyergamous pricks who have the following attitude and thinking: "how this below-my-league guy DARES to ask me out, I am so 'offended' and I am gonna tell the whole world how this loser even tried to date me".


Hollywood is overflowing with films based on that premise. And it's not just the boys that suffer. I was 'outed' by a girl who I thought was a friend in high school when she asked me about my crush on a guy from our class in front of everyone - including him. Mortification, thy name was I. It was just awful, and at 17, she should have known better but she was jealous, or needing to make someone's life miserable and I was there - so that was that. Even though I was probably super obvious and everyone had known anyway, it was still really mean to call me out like that. Argh. She was just evil..



warsend
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 132

10 Dec 2013, 10:27 pm

JinNJ wrote:
warsend wrote:
Hey, new member here. I have a PDD-NOS just to give a little background of myself.

I'm in college currently. I recently moved into a co-ed building no big deal. I see this chick across the hall from me and start talking to her trying to make conversation. I get feelings that she likes me from her body language and how she was talking.

I found out I've creeped her out by having my door open. I did this for a lot of reasons, one is my hall gives out rewards for having your door open to win big prizes at the end of the year, another is that I've made quite a few friends in my hallway and it's an easy way to let them know I'm not busy and they can come hang out.

I asked her out on a date after a couple times talking to her as I thought she had some attraction for me, it's been a couple of weeks and she hasn't responded, and I haven't talked to her since and have moved on.

I recently found out she has a big following on social media. From what a friend told me who follows her, she's been talking a lot of crap about me. It confuses me as I've always been nice to her and don't get what the deal is. She was talking crap before I asked her out, I'm very upset but don't want to confront her about it and I just want to move on. She posted a vine and even blocked me from seeing it as it was about me.

My question is why would a person go to such lengths to talk bad about me? What would you guys do in this situation? Thanks in advance for serious replies. I got the idea from the creepy thread as that is how I feel this started.


I feel like I always say the stupidest sh** on here, but wtf here goes...

This is what I told my daughters when they were having trouble at school (elementary level). If a person intentionally tries to make you feel bad or put you down unprovoked it is 100% of the time because one of two things.

1. They may have been told lies about you by someone else
2. They are insecure and are seeking the approval/and or adulation of other insecure people around them

So that's my take. Either someone else wants to sabotage you and therefore this third party is the insecure hater or she is the insecure hater.

Now for the advice...

Confront her with these two scenarios (and I'm a bit of a b***h so I would do it in an aggressive and highly confrontational way)

The next time I saw her, alone or in a group, I would just go right up to her and say

I'm a smart person, and what I've concluded is that there is one of two things going on, and I'm not sure which party is you but have you a) been a raging b***h bot because someone else told you something about me that may or may not be true or b) are you such a weak feeble minded individual that you can only feel superior to those who you feel are inferior to you?

Then I would just wait for an answer... but then again. I'm not exactly the nicest of people.


anyone else think it would be a good idea to be kind of an ass in confronting her? I haven't seen her for awhile so I'm perfectly fine with ignoring but with the high odds there will be a chance i'll somehow run into her.