Reasons why I never will have a boyfriend.What do you think?

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Stalk
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20 Dec 2013, 12:39 pm

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20 Dec 2013, 5:59 pm

AspE wrote:
The only deal-breaker is the cats. 10 is too many.


Really, that's the deal-breaker? Not "everyone hates me"?

OK, 10 cats is a lot, but if they stay outside that's a different story. And hey, some guys like cats, too. :)

But if everyone (or nearly everyone) hates you and you have a difficult personality and are not willing to change - now those are real problems. Not necessarily deal-breakers, though - I never cease to be amazed at the kind of women some men put up with.


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20 Dec 2013, 6:03 pm

amapola wrote:
1.everyone hates me.
2.I have difficult character.
3.I don`t know absolutely nothing about forming real life relationships
4.I have absolutely no friends.
5.I have 10 cats.
6.I don`t like going to nightclubs.
7.I have high expectations from love
8.I am a real nerd.
9.I don`t notice when people are bored with me.
10.I am a nerd
11.I don`t know to cook anything except tea and coffee.
12.I am really clumsy.
13.my bedroom looks like the bomb has fallen in it.
14.I have no life expirience.
15.i am very stubborn in life,but in sex I want to be dominated and I live in montenegro where is no one like that.I checked registrations on personal ads,and only people from montenegro are just too old for me.

Considering all that,I think that my chances are very little.i don`t want to change myself just to find a boyfriend.I`m only 18,so I maybe exaggerate like always,but I want to hear what do you think.


1-4 and 14: You're only 18. You probably have another 70 years left of your life--and it's too early to insist that you'll remain single for the rest of your life.

5: A lot of men like animals.

6: Girls like nightclubs and partying more than boys do, so this is generally not a problem.

7: Everyone does.

8 and 10: A lot of guys like nerds.

11: Most 18 year olds today can't cook anything, so there's no need to worry about that. I wasn't a good chef at the age of 18, but I'm quite good at making healthy dinners today.

12-13: People with Asperger's syndrome are usually both clumsy (92% have problems with handwriting) and leave a mess, but there are several women (they're a couple of years older than you, though) on this board who are married.

15. Check out dating sites or open online communities instead. Only Americans get laid regularly by using Craig's List.



leafplant
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20 Dec 2013, 6:33 pm

you live in montenegro, most people are too lazy to hate you and most guys are too lazy to be dominating in the bedroom...or so the jokes go :P

you are exaggerating but it's because you don't know what's around the corner..at the moment, your life seems like a major drama, and it probably is. So concentrate on doing other things and just be grateful if you accidentally end up with a boyfriend in a process



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20 Dec 2013, 11:12 pm

amapola wrote:
1.everyone hates me.

you mentioned that this is restricted to school, don't worry, kids at school are quick to judge and hate easily, it won't last.

amapola wrote:
2.I have difficult character.

that's not a bad trait to have, you can also use the word complex, and I think most people are more or less complex.

amapola wrote:
3.I don`t know absolutely nothing about forming real life relationships

there a group for this? count me in.

amapola wrote:
4.I have absolutely no friends.

I have one, and it's just luck I met him

amapola wrote:
5.I have 10 cats.

ok that is a lot, but I might live with it.
though there is a lot of dog people in the world too, this might be one of those things that put off some.

amapola wrote:
6.I don`t like going to nightclubs.

me neither, think of how much better this world woud be if everyone stopped thinking "nightclubs is the place to hook up"
So many lonely guys sitting at home in front of their computer is thinking this, go make one happy :)

amapola wrote:
7.I have high expectations from love

same here, and I'm a guy, so no worries.

amapola wrote:
8.I am a real nerd.

GIRL GAMER...... sorry, just had to throw that out there

amapola wrote:
9.I don`t notice when people are bored with me.

this is an aspie trait, I have the same thing, perhaps find someone who shares interests?
Although, another aspie trait is the tendency for truthfully saying when they are bored.
this might be one of the two issues that might have an impact, but hardly a big one.

amapola wrote:
10.I am a nerd

again, don't be too hard on yourself.

amapola wrote:
11.I don`t know to cook anything except tea and coffee.

I suspect most teenagers can't, it's something to do with the modern lifestyle and easy access to simple cook food n such.

amapola wrote:
12.I am really clumsy.

in japanese anime that is a cuteness trait.

amapola wrote:
13.my bedroom looks like the bomb has fallen in it.

awesome :) someone I can relate with.

amapola wrote:
14.I have no life expirience.

I got mine when around... well, I think I'm almost getting around to it, probably.... maybe?
and I'm just 26, my point is, life experience is accumulated, and at age 18 I also had close to 0% of it.
and there's much that many never experience, so you could say even my grandfather is not even close to 50%

amapola wrote:
15.i am very stubborn in life,but in sex I want to be dominated and I live in montenegro where is no one like that.I checked registrations on personal ads,and only people from montenegro are just too old for me.

something akin to bdsm? I'm sure there are someone for that, else there wouldn't be so much porn of it.



all in all, those aren't reasons to dislike you, and there are boys out there who either don't mind or actually like these traits, and most of them probably don't go to nightclubs, dont go to nightclubs.



Ferrus91
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21 Dec 2013, 6:26 am

Cue 75% of WP rapidly calculating the cost of a flight to Podgorica.

Eh, a lot of those applied to me and I still have never had a girlfriend. Still, you're female so you might actually get dates. Whether that'll actually lead to a compatible relationship, I don't know. I wonder whether on this topic it is an advantage or disadvantage to be a a more traditional society.



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21 Dec 2013, 9:07 am

I cant speak for everyone else, but here's what I'd be thinking if I were considering dating you (based on whats written here)-

amapola wrote:
1.everyone hates me. People are conceited, I don't value their opinions
2.I have difficult character. I seem to end up with high maintenance girls, so that's not a problem
3.I don`t know absolutely nothing about forming real life relationships I've probably met/dated worse, real life relationships always form in a unique manner anyway so that in itself wouldn't worry me
4.I have absolutely no friends. Again, a non factor. Some people don't really get a fair chance when it comes to friends. I'd be more interested in how you'd deal with my friends tbh.
5.I have 10 cats. I have 2 cats, 2 rats, a lizard, a snake and a fish- animals are not an issue
6.I don`t like going to nightclubs. Awesome, I don't have to worry about being dragged out to some place I feel really uncomfortable in.
7.I have high expectations from love And so you should, I'd be worried if you didn't
8.I am a real nerd. Awesome. You actually talk and care about interesting things. Why would that be a turn off?
9.I don`t notice when people are bored with me. I'm used to dealing with my sister, you can't be worse than that
10.I am a nerd Still awesome
11.I don`t know to cook anything except tea and coffee. Hell, I eat half my food straight from cans, what do I care
12.I am really clumsy. Not really something that bothers me, cant see why it would
13.my bedroom looks like the bomb has fallen in it. Same
14.I have no life expirience. ...Same
15.i am very stubborn in life,but in sex I want to be dominated and I live in montenegro where is no one like that.I checked registrations on personal ads,and only people from montenegro are just too old for me. lol not something i'm willing to give a detailed opinion about here

Considering all that,I think that my chances are very little.i don`t want to change myself just to find a boyfriend.I`m only 18,so I maybe exaggerate like always,but I want to hear what do you think. Thats how you should be thinking, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And don't let people make you feel bad for making that decision. Too many people just throw themselves around from failed relationship to failed relationship or fool themselves into thinking they're attracted to someone. With that mindset, you probably wont do either.


The real problems I would have with a partner would be if they weren't mature enough to handle things such as one of my best friends being female, or the fact that I really appreciate time by myself, or that its not reasonable for us to start throwing around the "i love yous" from day 1. Self centred things like that, which don't really show any specific want to accommodate a partner, rather an attempt to twist them into what you want, are what send me running. Also unhappy, resentful people. Relationships are about sharing happiness, not having it sucked out of you. None of what you mention though is actually discouraging, and some of them are actually rather attractive features to have (I love cats, cats love me).

Overall, this guy reckons however unlikely it is you end up in a relationship (lets be real, it'll probably happen at some point), if you do end up in one its much more likely to be happy and successful than what the vast, vast majority of people get into. And at least, practically drama free (and you don't want drama). The person you do end up with will probably be remarkably unsuperficial, and thats the kind of person you want, right?



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21 Dec 2013, 12:43 pm

Ferrus91 wrote:
Cue 75% of WP rapidly calculating the cost of a flight to Podgorica.


Lmao, I thought the exact same thing. :lol:



amapola
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21 Dec 2013, 5:29 pm

leafplant wrote:
you live in montenegro, most people are too lazy to hate you and most guys are too lazy to be dominating in the bedroom...or so the jokes go :P

you are exaggerating but it's because you don't know what's around the corner..at the moment, your life seems like a major drama, and it probably is. So concentrate on doing other things and just be grateful if you accidentally end up with a boyfriend in a process

hahaha you made me laugh :D



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22 Dec 2013, 9:01 pm

From that brief description, you sound pretty great, really... except the ten cats part. I personally couldn't have a single animal strolling around... too much work, and they spread filth.

I'm sure everybody doesn't hate you. You probably just have bad self-esteem... it tends to come along with depression. And it's a good thing not to party. I personally have never been to a party in my whole life, and hope I never will have to, for whatever reason it could be. My ideal girlfriend would feel the same about partying... that it's meaningless, worthless and is very, very risky, if you pass out from too much alcohol. You're not missing anything by not going to such places.

Don't you maybe have any proper friends on the Internet, at least...? Maybe you should broaden your horizons. Montenegro doesn't have a very large population. You should consider what your main interests are, and maybe join some forum which best matches those... and maybe friendship later on can lead to a proper relationship.

And nerdiness... my girl would *have* to be nerdy for us to be compatible. It's really too bad that they seem rather rare. :/


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22 Dec 2013, 9:25 pm

amapola wrote:
1.everyone hates me. Why?
2.I have difficult character. explain
3.I don`t know absolutely nothing about forming real life relationships how can you improve this?
4.I have absolutely no friends. i'm sure there's someone
5.I have 10 cats. not a big deal
6.I don`t like going to nightclubs. alot of people are this way, not a big deal
7.I have high expectations from love why is that?
8.I am a real nerd. there's tons of dudes who like nerds, not an excuse.
9.I don`t notice when people are bored with me. when they are giving short answers or no enthusiasm, that's how.
10.I am a nerd
11.I don`t know to cook anything except tea and coffee.
12.I am really clumsy.
13.my bedroom looks like the bomb has fallen in it. well you might need to clean
14.I have no life expirience. Get out there and fix that, it's hard for us aspies but only you can control that.
15.i am very stubborn in life,but in sex I want to be dominated and I live in montenegro where is no one like that.I checked registrations on personal ads,and only people from montenegro are just too old for me.

Considering all that,I think that my chances are very little.i don`t want to change myself just to find a boyfriend.I`m only 18,so I maybe exaggerate like always,but I want to hear what do you think.


Here's your problem, you have no confidence in yourself. It shows off to other people you may be interested based upon your looks but ask yourself this: If you were a dude, would you want to date yourself? You need to have a mentality that you are awesome and any dude who thinks different is missing out on a great girl. Show more confidence and that will help you tremendously.



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23 Dec 2013, 10:21 am

I don't agree that you will never, ever have a boyfriend.

You deserve to experience romance just like anyone else.

It may take time and building up self-esteem, but you can have a relationship if you want it and if it's the right time.

I thought just the same at your age.

I had brief flings throughout my early twenties, but have managed a serious relationship now at twenty six.
I would have managed one earlier had I had the chance. Circumstances and health didn't allow for it.

Don't despair. Give yourself time. Enjoy the freedom of being single, whilst planning for the changes needed so you can form romantic attachments in the future.
Don't give up on yourself.


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24 Dec 2013, 3:42 am

JubalHarshaw wrote:
Look, I may just be a dumb American with no clue how things work in Montenegro, but here in the USA the list you provided would have you annoyed at all the male attention. Is it normal for girls to be nerds there, or it it considered a bad thing?

Here, girl nerds are highly, highly sought after by boy nerds, but I know that my acquaintances from the Adriatic region (I have a co-worker who takes Christian communion at an Orthodox church and he is friends with many Greeks, Serbians, Russians, Albanians, etc. because of it) tend to have an old-fashioned view of how women should behave and might think poorly of a girl who enjoyed "nerd" activities.


Heh, sounds like I was born 20 years too early. Back in the day, there were few nerds of any type, and no male nerd was actively searching for a female nerd.



schizoid26
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24 Dec 2013, 5:02 pm

i dont think any of these reasons are why you havent had a bf. men are shallow and will overlook almost anything for an attractive women (most will). so the question may be, how do i make myself more attractive to the men i am interested in?



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24 Dec 2013, 9:43 pm

Twenty (err, eighteen)? Sheesh you have a ways to go before you get jaded.

amapola wrote:
1.everyone hates me.


You exaggerate.

Quote:
2.I have difficult character.


Me too. But at least it's character and it doesn't mean that people will hate you.

Quote:
3.I don`t know absolutely nothing about forming real life relationships


NT's barely know how to form relationships. Look at how many Facebook friends people have, and they think those are "meaningful" relationships. It takes time, effort and a bit of luck.

Quote:
4.I have absolutely no friends.


Can be overrated if you're happy with yourself. Do you need friends, or do you think you want friends because it's a NT thing?

Quote:
5.I have 10 cats.


NOT a deal breaker. Do they all have names, or are they also strays? I went through a cat phase (still have a couple) and get invites to the Humane Societies "Fur Ball" all the time (plus their Directors love me because of donations)

Quote:
6.I don`t like going to nightclubs


Good. There's still hope. Why anyone would want to go to an overcrowded, overpriced, loud location like a nightclub?

Quote:
7.I have high expectations from love


Good.

Quote:
8.I am a real nerd.


Aren't we all? Discussions of which is the best Dr. Who to favorite episode of The Guild, eh?

Quote:
9.I don`t notice when people are bored with me.


If they haven't walked away, so?

Quote:
11.I don`t know to cook anything except tea and coffee.


Tonights dinner was Ramen and Bourbon Chicken (from the frozen food section of Wal-Mart). I have a credit card when I need to impress.

Quote:
12.I am really clumsy.


On Friday I went snowboarding and fell off the chair lift 10/13 times getting off. This wasn't my first year and today I fell 0. We have our moments.

Quote:
13.my bedroom looks like the bomb has fallen in it.


Thats why I live alone - and have multiple bedrooms to avoid that issue. You simply need a bigger house.

Quote:
14.I have no life experience.


You're alive, you have life experiences. Join the Army if you REALLY want some life experiences.

Quote:
15.i am very stubborn in life,but in sex I want to be dominated and I live in montenegro where is no one like that.I checked registrations on personal ads,and only people from montenegro are just too old for me.


Move to the US, particularly San Francisco and you'll fit right in.

Quote:
Considering all that,I think that my chances are very little.i don`t want to change myself just to find a boyfriend.I`m only 18,so I maybe exaggerate like always,but I want to hear what do you think.


Plenty of time, it's not a race.



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24 Dec 2013, 11:17 pm

Beauty_pact wrote:
From that brief description, you sound pretty great, really... except the ten cats part. I personally couldn't have a single animal strolling around... too much work, and they spread filth.


Cats are pretty clean as animals go. Humans are far worse.