What are your non-negotiables? (apart from must love cats)

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Female (Sorry guys)
From 16 to 30.
Able to put up with my pranks, and not get too annoyed
People not to take advantage of me,
Must live Somewhere within New Zealand, I'm not up for any long distance s**t....
I tend to be on the racist side sometimes, with some of my jokes, so so she must be able to tolerate it without being offended.

A bunch of aesthetic/age/personality/sense of humour/goals/education/career etc criteria, some of which are pretty rigid, others fairly flexible.

But the one I'm kinda surprised others here haven't mentioned:

STD's/HIV/AIDS.

My opinion on this could change in the future if the otherwise most perfect person in the world came into my life and happened to have something, but as it stands now these things are about the most major dealbreaker non-negotiables for me.

I almost dated a girl who I knew had herpies. It was kind of a pity thing but on the other hand I was attracted to her and thinking of asking her out before I found out. I knew she was attracted tome because we were at the beach with a group (we were staff at a summer camp) and I dosed off in the sand and woke up with someone playing with my hair and talking about their experiences with herpes... and it was her on both counts.

I ended up f*****g the relationship up before it started because I was going to confide the secret to someone and it turned out they were better friends with her than me. I don't feel all that bad because I think I was able to help her anyways. I forced her to go looking for a job with a union and medical benefits because she didn't have insurance to treat her infection. She ended up getting a desk job at the postal service after I gave her advice on the interview. Her first one was a disaster because she basically went in and said "I have da herps, insurance plz!" and I explained proper interview technique and she slam dunked the next interview. Shortly after that the non-rumor I had started came back to her and she hated me forevermore. (In retrospect it was a good thing because contracting herpes would not have helped me at all and I kind of was manipulating her.)

I went back to the same job next year and asked her guy friend if she was working and he told me she had committed suicide. I broke down crying because I still had residual feelings for her. Of course 20 minutes later I walked past a hallway where he was on the phone with her saying she should give me another chance. I decided to remember the lie and for almost a decade went around telling people a friend of mine with an STD had died from suicide because she couldn't get treated until a few months ago I remembered that I had intentionally deceived myself.

Female

Lives in my area (in or around Houston, Texas)

Likes animated sitcoms

Likes to travel

Doesn't have kids, but wants them in the future

If she's an NT, knows that I don't do well with hidden meanings and that I take things very literally

Has a very high sex drive

Cannot be saving herself for marriage, or limiting sex to Missionary

Honest, understanding...you know, all those inner qualities that matter

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 29 Dec 2013, 9:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Must be very peaceful.

Your profile says you're 23. So this happened when you were 13?

huh... Yeah I'm bad at chronology... um 2007. so not a decade unless you are really liberal with the rounding. I'm always liberal with rounding because I'm not a square.

I tend to take everything literary. Remember this is an Aspie forum.

And I'm very square and don't care for exaggerations.

That one might not be 100% non-negotiable for me, maybe.

when I went in to a men's health clinic for a complete round of tests for various STD's/HIV/Hepatitis etc the CDC nurse on duty informed me that they don't even test for herpes anymore because it's become so extremely common and can show no symptoms. The CDC here in BC, Canada, basically just figures most people now carry some form of the herpes simplex virus and that it's not a grave concern because it doesn't really mess with a whole lot of anything serious unless a woman has a vaginal outbreak at the time of childbirth and passes it along to her newborn baby - then it can be extremely serious, but otherwise it's pretty much a non-issue with the exception of the stigma associated with it and any annoying outbreak symptoms. As far as STD's go, it's pretty much the least of anyone's worries in terms of incurable viruses. Still, I'd rather not have it either lol.

The girl was describing it as being a consistent burning/itching sensation in the nethers with flareups (this is untreated). No idea how she was doing after. Her main problem is she wouldn't let herself date anyone for fear of transmitting. Idk, atm it seemed like a really big deal / inconvenience and she had said that she was considering suicide rather than live with it. She was also pissed because she got it from her prior boyfriend's infidelity.

She had also faced discrimination because of it and may have been kicked out of her college for trying to get help. It feels like forever ago and my memories are grainy.

- Loves cats
- Female
- Generally emotionally stable
- Not interested in casual sex/sex before commitment (must believe that sex is a way to communicate a bond, not something to throw around solely for physical pleasure)
- Has some aspirations in life
- Values honesty as one of the most important characteristics in a person
- Finds the idea of cheating despicable and has not cheated in the past
- Okay with not kissing on the lips (someone else's saliva in my mouth is repulsive to me)
- Okay with thorough and deliberate conversations about feelings (I need to talk a lot about feelings to make sure I understand the feelings of others correctly)
- No current interest in having kids
- Reasonably healthy weight (I am quite thin and trying to gain weight)
- Not constantly seeking validation (is confident in who they are)
- No self-image issues, or working to overcome them
- Okay with an androgynous male who tends to associate better with females and feminine things
- Accepting of someone who is very different in nearly all aspects
- Okay with assisting someone with anxieties and panic attacks (without becoming frustrated or angry)
- Okay giving the time needed to get through to someone with a distant and shy exterior but a very warm and caring interior

IIRC, the probability of transmission when not having a breakout is 1-3%, and that's reduced by using condoms which limit skin-to-skin contact. That's about as minimal as the risk of pregnancy while using condoms as a birth control method, and countless people have protected sex every day & avoid pregnancies. It's more her stressed/depressed state of mind blowing things out of proportion than it is actual risk of transmission/rejection etc. Sure, it's bound to be a touchy difficult subject to deal with.. but all the happy healthy attractive people out there who occasionally have a cold sore on their lip are living proof that life can and does go on. Further, since HSV1 or HSV2 are so common now that the CDC doesn't even bother testing for them, she & others are far from alone. It seems like a big deal to her because she's obsessing and stressing over it, but in the grand scheme of life it really isn't thaaaat big of deal to abstain from sex/kissing etc whenever she has a breakout & transmission risks are at their highest.

for me it would have been an issue because giving oral/digital stimulation is my favorite part and she was offended by the idea of using a simple barrier. Another part of the problem is that I brought up the idea of using a barrier way to early on and my motivations may have been steering me.

Also I had no idea the transmission rate was so low.

1) Female Only
2) Alive
3) Follower of Christ
4) Sexually Abstinent Until Marriage
5) More Selfless Than Selfish
6) Reasonably Tall (I'm 5'11")
7) No Facial Deformities
8) No Children

Standard hygiene: Brushing teeth, showering every 1-2 days, not having brown claws ^^, washing hands after toilettes.
Standard matured: Being able to live on his own, so dont need me as replacement-mummy.
Some kind of similar interests, that we can engage and spend time together.
No physical of psychical abuse/manipulation toward me and others.
Must at least be able to tolerate living with my actual cats. So no need to actually like them, just as I dont need to live with cats forever, but I would not give away the cats I actually live with, so they needed to be tolerated.

That's you!! :p