Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Another date report

Page 2 of 2 [ 29 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,051
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

06 Jan 2014, 5:01 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Guys of WP, you people are so naive, It doesn't matter whether the first date is movies or at cafe or even in outer space. The first impression would remain the same, studies show that women need only few minutes to assess whether there's "chemistry" (a more "civil" term for SEXUAL ATTRACTION) or not, there was none in her case hence why she friendzoned him that quickly, she already made her mind the moment she met him for real and not because he picked the movies as first date idea (she could also suggested otherwise, why all the blame of the idea is on the guy?)

I am 1000% sure her response would be the same if he took her to a dinner or even to some fun activity.

Truth is, all your advice about first date do not matter (as long he's clean, wearing decently and behaving well), they won't contribute in building up this instant sexual attraction (chemistry) that girls on dating sites seek, for them it's either initially there or not, no matter where, when and what the first date is.

Boo's right for the most part. It should be obvious by the end of the first date if there's anything there (usually with a kiss.) The OP seemingly has hardcore limerance blinders on if he see's nearly every girl he goes on a date with as a good match. Chances are only a small percentage are actually going to be a good match.

Another more specific tip for the OP:
Trying too hard to make eye contact accomplishes two things. It makes maintaining a conversation harder for you and (either conciously or unconciously) unsettles your date if you do it incorrectly (aspie stares can be quite intense.)


You're better off talking to them casually and laid back (smiling and such) while making occasional eye contact. That gives you a aura of mild aloofness (offsetting your unattractive desperation) and means when you do actually do make eye contact it will be intense but fleeting. Good formula for making yourself seem more mysterious and laid back as opposed to desperate and clingy. This is an Aspie trait that can be spun into a workable method if you let it.


For what it's worth, I wrote the woman back who I went on the date with, and asked her for feedback, and for anything she might've noticed that I can improve and do better at.

I'm setting a goal for myself...I'm going to try to go on a date with someone once a week, every week, until I've found somebody, at last.


I doubt she would be honest with you for that matter.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 Jan 2014, 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

06 Jan 2014, 5:25 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Guys of WP, you people are so naive, It doesn't matter whether the first date is movies or at cafe or even in outer space. The first impression would remain the same, studies show that women need only few minutes to assess whether there's "chemistry" (a more "civil" term for SEXUAL ATTRACTION) or not, there was none in her case hence why she friendzoned him that quickly, she already made her mind the moment she met him for real and not because he picked the movies as first date idea (she could also suggested otherwise, why all the blame of the idea is on the guy?)

I am 1000% sure her response would be the same if he took her to a dinner or even to some fun activity.

Truth is, all your advice about first date do not matter (as long he's clean, wearing decently and behaving well), they won't contribute in building up this instant sexual attraction (chemistry) that girls on dating sites seek, for them it's either initially there or not, no matter where, when and what the first date is.

Boo's right for the most part. It should be obvious by the end of the first date if there's anything there (usually with a kiss.) The OP seemingly has hardcore limerance blinders on if he see's nearly every girl he goes on a date with as a good match. Chances are only a small percentage are actually going to be a good match.

Another more specific tip for the OP:
Trying too hard to make eye contact accomplishes two things. It makes maintaining a conversation harder for you and (either conciously or unconciously) unsettles your date if you do it incorrectly (aspie stares can be quite intense.)


You're better off talking to them casually and laid back (smiling and such) while making occasional eye contact. That gives you a aura of mild aloofness (offsetting your unattractive desperation) and means when you do actually do make eye contact it will be intense but fleeting. Good formula for making yourself seem more mysterious and laid back as opposed to desperate and clingy. This is an Aspie trait that can be spun into a workable method if you let it.


For what it's worth, I wrote the woman back who I went on the date with, and asked her for feedback, and for anything she might've noticed that I can improve and do better at.

I'm setting a goal for myself...I'm going to try to go on a date with someone once a week, every week, until I've found somebody, at last.


If you just want to get laid, please just get an escort. They will also teach you a few things worth knowing. You do not seem to be relationship material right now and I would be astounded if you were able to find an interested woman at this point.



warsend
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 132

06 Jan 2014, 6:51 pm

SydneySputnik wrote:
warsend wrote:
I'm not an expert of dating, but I think going to a movie on a first date was a bad move.

Go on a date where you two have a chance to talk to each other. I advise bowling, mini golf, billiards (laid-back atmosphere, lots of time in between to talk, feel it's a good aspie spot) or a zoo. If you two are athletic and like the outdoors, go on a hike. Even going to a new town and exploring it will excite the other person.



Wow, this advice is so spot on! In fact, there's heaps of good advice here but you can ruin everything on the first date so easily.

Organise a date where you actually will get to know each other! My plan might be as follows:

- do something at a time that is NOT a meal time; I actually like the markets, the park (even with a frisbee), art gallery… all those things can involve quite a lot of bouts of conversation about sort of meaningless things, but will also lead onto more deep and interesting things

- IF IT'S A SUCCESS then you need to have the next stage organised - so, you meet at 10am at the market and are having such a great time, THEN you just happen to know this great place for lunch at midday! or from the gallery at 1.30pm, why don't we get a coffee and cake at this cool place I know?

In this way, the date is less formal and shorter, but if going well it becomes more formal (meal) and longer.

A movie is a mistake, and a bar is an even worse mistake. You don't want to be competing for attention with a film or with other good-looking people!


I wouldn't ask for a second date right after the first one. I would say something along like "Hope you had a good time". Kinda leave it at that. Then text her the next couple of days and then next week ask if she would like to do something again.(If she doesn't text back hardly you know she wants to just be friends(usually)).

The problem with asking for a second date right after the first one is that it screams to a girl you have way too much free time and you will basically do anything for her. This way you can create mystery and make it seem you have other things going on, which can be a turn on to the girl



Last edited by warsend on 06 Jan 2014, 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

warsend
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 132

06 Jan 2014, 6:59 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Guys of WP, you people are so naive, It doesn't matter whether the first date is movies or at cafe or even in outer space. The first impression would remain the same, studies show that women need only few minutes to assess whether there's "chemistry" (a more "civil" term for SEXUAL ATTRACTION) or not, there was none in her case hence why she friendzoned him that quickly, she already made her mind the moment she met him for real and not because he picked the movies as first date idea (she could also suggested otherwise, why all the blame of the idea is on the guy?)

I am 1000% sure her response would be the same if he took her to a dinner or even to some fun activity.

Truth is, all your advice about first date do not matter (as long he's clean, wearing decently and behaving well), they won't contribute in building up this instant sexual attraction (chemistry) that girls on dating sites seek, for them it's either initially there or not, no matter where, when and what the first date is.

Boo's right for the most part. It should be obvious by the end of the first date if there's anything there (usually with a kiss.) The OP seemingly has hardcore limerance blinders on if he see's nearly every girl he goes on a date with as a good match. Chances are only a small percentage are actually going to be a good match.

Another more specific tip for the OP:
Trying too hard to make eye contact accomplishes two things. It makes maintaining a conversation harder for you and (either conciously or unconciously) unsettles your date if you do it incorrectly (aspie stares can be quite intense.)


You're better off talking to them casually and laid back (smiling and such) while making occasional eye contact. That gives you a aura of mild aloofness (offsetting your unattractive desperation) and means when you do actually do make eye contact it will be intense but fleeting. Good formula for making yourself seem more mysterious and laid back as opposed to desperate and clingy. This is an Aspie trait that can be spun into a workable method if you let it.


For what it's worth, I wrote the woman back who I went on the date with, and asked her for feedback, and for anything she might've noticed that I can improve and do better at.

I'm setting a goal for myself...I'm going to try to go on a date with someone once a week, every week, until I've found somebody, at last.


I wouldn't ask her about that. It's obvious you and her are not gonna turn into a relationship, but asking her what you did wrong reeks of having no confidence and that you are new at the dating game.

Like Boo said, I would bet she won't respond to that as to not hurt your feelings.

I suggested a different dating spot as brian said he had a good time but she didn't. I came to the conclusion that she was bored and wanted to get to know him while he was in a comfort spot (movie=low conversation spot) instead of somewhere where you would talk a lot. Who knows, you might be right he would have gotten rejected at the end, but just the locale I feel could lead to a second date.

As for hiking, yeah you are probably right. I was talking more about like a jog or something somewhere you both know. Keep a very light conversation. Me personally would wait until you know each other better to do that so she doesn't get that feeling and she trusts you.



appletheclown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
Location: Soul Society

06 Jan 2014, 7:33 pm

leafplant wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Guys of WP, you people are so naive, It doesn't matter whether the first date is movies or at cafe or even in outer space. The first impression would remain the same, studies show that women need only few minutes to assess whether there's "chemistry" (a more "civil" term for SEXUAL ATTRACTION) or not, there was none in her case hence why she friendzoned him that quickly, she already made her mind the moment she met him for real and not because he picked the movies as first date idea (she could also suggested otherwise, why all the blame of the idea is on the guy?)

I am 1000% sure her response would be the same if he took her to a dinner or even to some fun activity.

Truth is, all your advice about first date do not matter (as long he's clean, wearing decently and behaving well), they won't contribute in building up this instant sexual attraction (chemistry) that girls on dating sites seek, for them it's either initially there or not, no matter where, when and what the first date is.

Boo's right for the most part. It should be obvious by the end of the first date if there's anything there (usually with a kiss.) The OP seemingly has hardcore limerance blinders on if he see's nearly every girl he goes on a date with as a good match. Chances are only a small percentage are actually going to be a good match.

Another more specific tip for the OP:
Trying too hard to make eye contact accomplishes two things. It makes maintaining a conversation harder for you and (either conciously or unconciously) unsettles your date if you do it incorrectly (aspie stares can be quite intense.)


You're better off talking to them casually and laid back (smiling and such) while making occasional eye contact. That gives you a aura of mild aloofness (offsetting your unattractive desperation) and means when you do actually do make eye contact it will be intense but fleeting. Good formula for making yourself seem more mysterious and laid back as opposed to desperate and clingy. This is an Aspie trait that can be spun into a workable method if you let it.


For what it's worth, I wrote the woman back who I went on the date with, and asked her for feedback, and for anything she might've noticed that I can improve and do better at.

I'm setting a goal for myself...I'm going to try to go on a date with someone once a week, every week, until I've found somebody, at last.


If you just want to get laid, :skull: please just get an escort :skull: . They will also teach you a few things worth knowing. You do not seem to be relationship material right now and I would be astounded if you were able to find an interested woman at this point.

LOAD OF BANANA BUTTS!! !


_________________
comedic burp


leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

06 Jan 2014, 8:15 pm

you are 20. I was also full of moral fibre when I was 20. Then I had lots of sex and realised that it really isn't always about love. Actually, it's hardly ever about love, it's mostly about scratching an itch. :roll:



TheGoggles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,060

06 Jan 2014, 9:54 pm

leafplant wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Guys of WP, you people are so naive, It doesn't matter whether the first date is movies or at cafe or even in outer space. The first impression would remain the same, studies show that women need only few minutes to assess whether there's "chemistry" (a more "civil" term for SEXUAL ATTRACTION) or not, there was none in her case hence why she friendzoned him that quickly, she already made her mind the moment she met him for real and not because he picked the movies as first date idea (she could also suggested otherwise, why all the blame of the idea is on the guy?)

I am 1000% sure her response would be the same if he took her to a dinner or even to some fun activity.

Truth is, all your advice about first date do not matter (as long he's clean, wearing decently and behaving well), they won't contribute in building up this instant sexual attraction (chemistry) that girls on dating sites seek, for them it's either initially there or not, no matter where, when and what the first date is.

Boo's right for the most part. It should be obvious by the end of the first date if there's anything there (usually with a kiss.) The OP seemingly has hardcore limerance blinders on if he see's nearly every girl he goes on a date with as a good match. Chances are only a small percentage are actually going to be a good match.

Another more specific tip for the OP:
Trying too hard to make eye contact accomplishes two things. It makes maintaining a conversation harder for you and (either conciously or unconciously) unsettles your date if you do it incorrectly (aspie stares can be quite intense.)


You're better off talking to them casually and laid back (smiling and such) while making occasional eye contact. That gives you a aura of mild aloofness (offsetting your unattractive desperation) and means when you do actually do make eye contact it will be intense but fleeting. Good formula for making yourself seem more mysterious and laid back as opposed to desperate and clingy. This is an Aspie trait that can be spun into a workable method if you let it.


For what it's worth, I wrote the woman back who I went on the date with, and asked her for feedback, and for anything she might've noticed that I can improve and do better at.

I'm setting a goal for myself...I'm going to try to go on a date with someone once a week, every week, until I've found somebody, at last.


If you just want to get laid, please just get an escort. They will also teach you a few things worth knowing. You do not seem to be relationship material right now and I would be astounded if you were able to find an interested woman at this point.


Unless you live in Nevada or a country that isn't as dumb as America, I wouldn't advise this. Cops just looovee setting up prostitution stings because it gives them cheap and easy arrests and makes it look like they're doing something useful instead of working on the tons of cold murder/burglary/assault cases they can't be bothered to do anything about. Plus, there's a decent chance of getting robbed.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,051
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

07 Jan 2014, 2:09 am

TheGoggles wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Guys of WP, you people are so naive, It doesn't matter whether the first date is movies or at cafe or even in outer space. The first impression would remain the same, studies show that women need only few minutes to assess whether there's "chemistry" (a more "civil" term for SEXUAL ATTRACTION) or not, there was none in her case hence why she friendzoned him that quickly, she already made her mind the moment she met him for real and not because he picked the movies as first date idea (she could also suggested otherwise, why all the blame of the idea is on the guy?)

I am 1000% sure her response would be the same if he took her to a dinner or even to some fun activity.

Truth is, all your advice about first date do not matter (as long he's clean, wearing decently and behaving well), they won't contribute in building up this instant sexual attraction (chemistry) that girls on dating sites seek, for them it's either initially there or not, no matter where, when and what the first date is.

Boo's right for the most part. It should be obvious by the end of the first date if there's anything there (usually with a kiss.) The OP seemingly has hardcore limerance blinders on if he see's nearly every girl he goes on a date with as a good match. Chances are only a small percentage are actually going to be a good match.

Another more specific tip for the OP:
Trying too hard to make eye contact accomplishes two things. It makes maintaining a conversation harder for you and (either conciously or unconciously) unsettles your date if you do it incorrectly (aspie stares can be quite intense.)


You're better off talking to them casually and laid back (smiling and such) while making occasional eye contact. That gives you a aura of mild aloofness (offsetting your unattractive desperation) and means when you do actually do make eye contact it will be intense but fleeting. Good formula for making yourself seem more mysterious and laid back as opposed to desperate and clingy. This is an Aspie trait that can be spun into a workable method if you let it.


For what it's worth, I wrote the woman back who I went on the date with, and asked her for feedback, and for anything she might've noticed that I can improve and do better at.

I'm setting a goal for myself...I'm going to try to go on a date with someone once a week, every week, until I've found somebody, at last.


If you just want to get laid, please just get an escort. They will also teach you a few things worth knowing. You do not seem to be relationship material right now and I would be astounded if you were able to find an interested woman at this point.


Unless you live in Nevada or a country that isn't as dumb as America, I wouldn't advise this. Cops just looovee setting up prostitution stings because it gives them cheap and easy arrests and makes it look like they're doing something useful instead of working on the tons of cold murder/burglary/assault cases they can't be bothered to do anything about. Plus, there's a decent chance of getting robbed.


Most online escort services here are police undercovers, then they arrest the guy to broadcast his face on national TV.



KingofKaboom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,471

07 Jan 2014, 2:17 am

There is a personal ad site that is similar to craigslist but called backpages. Have a lot of things there maybe cops and crooks and killers who knows.


_________________
Tacos (optional)


TheGoggles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,060

07 Jan 2014, 3:06 am

KingofKaboom wrote:
There is a personal ad site that is similar to craigslist but called backpages. Have a lot of things there maybe cops and crooks and killers who knows.


At least where I live, Backpages is a playground for cops trying to earn promotions and other BS. They bust Johns or prostitutes every other day using that site.



KingofKaboom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,471

07 Jan 2014, 3:08 am

TheGoggles wrote:
KingofKaboom wrote:
There is a personal ad site that is similar to craigslist but called backpages. Have a lot of things there maybe cops and crooks and killers who knows.


At least where I live, Backpages is a playground for cops trying to earn promotions and other BS. They bust Johns or prostitutes every other day using that site.
Some places they do. I also haven't been on in a few years.


_________________
Tacos (optional)


Geekonychus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,660

07 Jan 2014, 9:26 am

leafplant wrote:
You do not seem to be relationship material right now and I would be astounded if you were able to find an interested woman at this point.


I beg to differ actually. The OP is fit, professionally successful and independent. He'd be a great catch if his self esteem was higher than zero.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

07 Jan 2014, 9:52 am

Geekonychus wrote:
leafplant wrote:
You do not seem to be relationship material right now and I would be astounded if you were able to find an interested woman at this point.


I beg to differ actually. The OP is fit, professionally successful and independent. He'd be a great catch if his self esteem was higher than zero.


Reading through the forums, I would believe the OP needs to do some soul-searching and learn more about his personality and character. At least then he will be able to figure out his strengths and weaknesses. How he goes about it is a different story.

OP... chances are the women you are dating don't mesh well with you because they are instantly looking for chemistry while you don't quite know how to do this. Perhaps these women don't understand the way you speak or the way you communicate. Of course there is a part of me that believes you are a bit low on self-esteem, and another part that tells me you aren't meshing well with people because of the environments you are in (it's partially their fault too).
You may be more subtle with how you flirt and communicate which is a good thing. But the lack of directness is going to turn off a lot of women who value the physical flirting and chemistry right away.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie