Tessanotreally wrote:
tarantella64 wrote:
If you really don't like sex, then I do think you should be upfront with him about that. .
Sorry to be confusing.. I definitely enjoy sex, and he actually never ever pressures me to do it. I just know I am fine with it a lot less than him. And he's fine with that while we are dating but has expressed that when/if we got married he would want it a lot more, which would be several years from now. Anyways, sex isn't really the issue with him at all.. it was with my ex however. Which is a different story. But mostly I struggle with kissing, saliva, being touched on the face.. Surprise touches (like kisses on the neck when I don't expect it... I always flinch and it offends him) or I'll "wipe" his kisses off. I'm trying to communicate with him more now as much as I can, because I was never upfront in the beginning so now he's confused and I realize that's my fault for misleading him. Or even just him wanting to cuddle when I'm not in the mood or when I'm too "wired" to cuddle. He's trying to be open minded about the aspie thing but doesn't think I have it since I guess I hide it well.. I don't have a professional diagnosis and he wants me to get one for "proof" but from my understanding, that's a long, costly road and difficult for females...
Well, wait...I mean, I hope I'm not being harsh here, but this seems pretty disrespectful of him, if he's offended because you don't react the way he wants you to when he touches your body, which, I'm guessing, is actually yours and not his. I don't see why you need a doctor's note for that. If he wants to be with someone who vibrates with pleasure when he does this sort of thing, and wants sex regular, then that's perfectly legit too, but it seems to me that's where grownups make decisions about what's most important to them: the relationship they have, or the hope of sexual fulfillment?
Again, this was the kind of thing I used to do to my ex -- I didn't know what was going on, and most guys dig it. He made it very plain he didn't. So I stopped, end of story.
Anyway, I'd have a talk with him about it: why is it
about him if you don't like being kissed or touched out of nowhere, etc? And can he get to the point of understanding that (a) it isn't; (b) it's pretty self-centered to imagine it is?
12 Mar 2014, 7:46 pm
