Does he really not love me anymore?

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I understand, Foxers. It's terribly confusing when I see compassion and concern in the faces of strangers and acquaintances for things that bother me which my husband used to do the same for, and now acts cold about. It seems like something other than disinterest or falling out of love when I get nothing for things that other people reassure me about.

I guess my thinking is that your ex boyfriend might be afraid and it might seem too difficult to him to try to communicate because it is, for him. If you are able to shoulder that burden and make communication easier, then he may like that and if you were ok with doing that, things could be good. But, it's really hard being responsible for this, as an Aspie I kind of feel like it's so hard to communicate and make friends for me that maybe I have to struggle no matter who I try to relate to, but if you don't have to struggle with everyone, as others are saying, maybe it's better not to. Maybe being with someone who gets ice cold isn't how you need to spend your life.

Last edited by Waterfalls on 15 Mar 2014, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's exactly how I see it too. Believe me, no matter how civlised the break up, closure is always difficult. It's something you have to find a way of dealing with on your own, regardless of other person's motives and behaviour.

On the other hand, I am probably not the best person to give relationship advice as I always lean towards wanting to be on my own

I am in a similar situation emotionally. It is very confusing. My person didn't even say goodbye, she passive-aggressively forced me to end contact, lied about the reasoning. She kept say I could contact her, never contacted me, and never replied to my texts. So basically she made it impossible for us to talk about things and resolve things. I have no idea why she acted the way she did. I can only speculate from a psychological perspective. I keep thinking that if I had done something different, things would have worked out. I keep rehearsing the conversation I will have with her the next time I see her. There really is no closure. Finally, I am at a point where I am tired of questioning. Those questions are just static, background chatter in my mind. They keep popping up but I don't waste energy trying to answer them.

The truth is love is not enough to make a relationship last. She has some issues and problems that prevent her from being able to engage in a conversation with me about the relationship. I kept trying to get her to talk about it, but this made her shut down even more. Basically, she chose to give up on the relationship for personal reasons that belong to her. She chose to end the relationship in a f****d up way. That's her choice and that is her loss. It really hurts me a lot, but I know it is not my fault. Another adult's behavior is not my fault, not my responsibility, and not under my control. Our relationship was not meant to be.

Unfortunately, because she treated me the way that she did, if she tries to reconcile with me later on, it won't happen. I will never trust her again. I wish her well. I hope a nice guy finds her when she is ready for a relationship, but I am not waiting around for it, and I am not going to go through the BS you have to go through waiting for a partner to grow up and work on their issues (which, in her case will take several years of intense therapy). That is not fair to me.

I am learning not to play the hero in romantic relationships and not to keep picking the damsel in distress to get into relationships with. That's the mistakes I made. That's all the closure I am going to get (learning from my behavior).

Sorry to talk so much about myself. I tell personal stories to explain concepts. Hopefully this post helps you. I am a few months further into the grieving process and insights come to me everyday. These are the insights that have come to me so far.

Thanks so much you guys. I am really grateful for all of your input!

886: I really appreciate you expressing my situation so bluntly. I think that whenever a person decides to enter a relationship, they also decide to take on part of the resposibility for that relationship, including the means of ending it, which they to choose to use.

Waterfalls: Thanks for your input, I really hope all of your issues sort themselves out! I feel like I was making every effort I could in order to communicate properly with him. It just wasn't enough.

leafplant: Closure is definiteley difficult! But there are different ways to handle a relationship, and a break-up. Some are good, some are not so good. I think that breaking up is difficult enough already, people should make a point out of being honest and vulnerable in those kinds of situations.

em_tsuj: The behavior you describe from your ex-girlfriend is exactly what bothers me. If a person is mature enough to enter a relationship, they should also be mature enough to end the same relationship on equal terms. Anything else is just disrespectful.

Yes, that's what I was trying to say. That for you to make all the effort to communicate is too much for one person to be responsible for, too one sided. I'm sorry it didn't come out right.