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Learning some PUA skills is never helpful

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auntblabby
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21 Mar 2014, 8:03 pm

it all involves mindreading/NT levels of TOM.



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21 Mar 2014, 8:28 pm

vickygleitz wrote:
Okay guys, so you object to PUA methods. Fine. Now,you have just picked up something from Brookstone for your mom from the mall. As you walk out of the store, you see, sitting at a bench a woman. Something about the woman makes you screams insid,t "I HAVE TO MEET HER!" So, how do you intend to go about it? How would you recommend others in the same situation?

I can't relate to this situation at all. In reality if it did happen I would write it off as impossible and recognize how uncomfortable I'd be if some stranger randomly approached me (role reversal).

But to play along, assuming I suddenly manifest some desire for a random person (which doesn't happen), I would introduce myself and ask what she is at the mall for, see if she responds in any way that suggests she is open to talking, and give up immediately if she doesn't because I'm being a total creep.

Why do you ask?



vickygleitz
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21 Mar 2014, 8:40 pm

most lines that are referred to as "pick-up" lines are really just openings that men are hoping will lead to the woman wanting to get to know them better. Men rarely interact with women only in hopes of a one night stand.



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21 Mar 2014, 9:30 pm

vickygleitz wrote:
Men rarely interact with women only in hopes of a one night stand.

But how many do you think would still view that as a successful result? It goes without saying that they may tend to prefer multiple chances of sex instead of just one.



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21 Mar 2014, 11:12 pm

I'm sorry. I do not understand the question.



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23 Mar 2014, 2:47 am

vickygleitz wrote:
Okay guys, so you object to PUA methods. Fine. Now,you have just picked up something from Brookstone for your mom from the mall. As you walk out of the store, you see, sitting at a bench a woman. Something about the woman makes you screams insid,t "I HAVE TO MEET HER!" So, how do you intend to go about it? How would you recommend others in the same situation?


You go over, apologize for intruding and for being so forward, and explain earnestly but tactfully, and briefly, what it is about her that made you feel you had to meet her. Then you offer her your card -- yes, your card -- and get her name, and say you hope she'll feel free to contact you if she wishes. Then you say goodbye courteously and leave. If she doesn't get in touch, you find a way to contact her once more after a week or so, and invite her out, and if she says no, you leave her alone.



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23 Mar 2014, 4:32 am

tarantella64 wrote:
vickygleitz wrote:
Okay guys, so you object to PUA methods. Fine. Now,you have just picked up something from Brookstone for your mom from the mall. As you walk out of the store, you see, sitting at a bench a woman. Something about the woman makes you screams insid,t "I HAVE TO MEET HER!" So, how do you intend to go about it? How would you recommend others in the same situation?


You go over, apologize for intruding and for being so forward, and explain earnestly but tactfully, and briefly, what it is about her that made you feel you had to meet her. Then you offer her your card -- yes, your card -- and get her name, and say you hope she'll feel free to contact you if she wishes. Then you say goodbye courteously and leave. If she doesn't get in touch, you find a way to contact her once more after a week or so, and invite her out, and if she says no, you leave her alone.


Vicky is a woman but she's pro pua, like the one in the video. Hey, they are not rare btw.



The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Mar 2014, 5:13 am

tarantella64 wrote:
vickygleitz wrote:
Okay guys, so you object to PUA methods. Fine. Now,you have just picked up something from Brookstone for your mom from the mall. As you walk out of the store, you see, sitting at a bench a woman. Something about the woman makes you screams insid,t "I HAVE TO MEET HER!" So, how do you intend to go about it? How would you recommend others in the same situation?


You go over, apologize for intruding and for being so forward, and explain earnestly but tactfully, and briefly, what it is about her that made you feel you had to meet her. Then you offer her your card -- yes, your card -- and get her name, and say you hope she'll feel free to contact you if she wishes. Then you say goodbye courteously and leave. If she doesn't get in touch, you find a way to contact her once more after a week or so, and invite her out, and if she says no, you leave her alone.


This is so awkward btw - in fact it's not the right place, I wouldn't recommend guys to approach women in the supermaket. Have *you* ever tried it? Haha.
Nope, that would only work for woman to man or for a drop dead handsome man.

I would take a different approach, for example in the gym this what I do with someone seeing for the first time, that works best on light cardio:
"Are you new here?" or "How long you've been coming here?"- this open up a little chit chat, I would introduce myself and learn her name in the process; I wouldn't attempt to have her number at this moment unless she was very forward in return. I wouldn't attempt to follow her around either (ie when she goes to the next machine), the whole point is to break the ice and register my face in her memory, I would memorize her name well.

In the next time I see her (a different day), she would most probably smile for recognizing my face, I would simply salute her (mentioning first name, ie Hi Sahar) she might find it hard to recall my name so I would have to remind her. It all depends on how approachable she responds and react, I might tak her fb or number at this phase or leave it for the next time.

This might work with someone who frequents the same mall every weekend or so.



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23 Mar 2014, 4:56 pm

Actually, I have experience with this!

I was out shopping for some popcorn on Friday night, and Friday is always Footy Shirt Friday at work so I was wearing my Lions gear, when another person noticed my shirt and said "Hopefully they can have a good season this year!". We stood there for about 20 minutes talking footy.

That's why you need to pay attention. Look for something she's wearing/looking at/etc and comment. If you get a chat out of it, great, if not, at least you tried.

(FYI the person who pulled me up to chat about the Lions was a fairly older man, but I'm happy to chat with anyone about footy!)


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23 Mar 2014, 10:41 pm

vickygleitz wrote:
most lines that are referred to as "pick-up" lines are really just openings that men are hoping will lead to the woman wanting to get to know them better. Men rarely interact with women only in hopes of a one night stand.


Actually the "pick up artist" scene originally was developed for one-night stands, nothing more serious than that. Later on I think the "Researchers" looked up psychological text and other information to develop longer lasting relationships (overlap with "dating/life coaches" I guess)

tarantella64 wrote:
...unless, of course, you want to look like a jerk who uses and despises women.


To be fair, there are PUA strains/"Schools of thought" which say "do not be misogynistic" or something like that. Not that I am pro-PUA but I do remember hearing of that.


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23 Mar 2014, 11:20 pm

What is PUA?



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24 Mar 2014, 3:05 am

Warsie wrote:
there are PUA strains/"Schools of thought" which say "do not be misogynistic" or something like that. Not that I am pro-PUA but I do remember hearing of that.

Why would you ever believe the claims of a PUA? They'll say whatever makes them look better and advertises them as half-decent people: consider the above as evidence that their marketing tactics are effective.

First rule of dealing with a PUA: stop dealing with a PUA.

@Bataar: Pick Up "Artist"



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24 Mar 2014, 5:54 am

vickygleitz wrote:
Okay guys, so you object to PUA methods. Fine. Now,you have just picked up something from Brookstone for your mom from the mall. As you walk out of the store, you see, sitting at a bench a woman. Something about the woman makes you screams insid,t "I HAVE TO MEET HER!" So, how do you intend to go about it? How would you recommend others in the same situation?

Unless there was something going on that would provide some kind of relevant conversation, I would just walk past and not say anything. This is a person I know nothing about. I don't know her interests. I don't know what she likes, what she doesn't like, etc. Walking up to her and talking about stuff I'm into would most likely not be an effective way to move beyond that one point. Even complements from complete strangers can be very off putting so walking up to her and saying, "I really like your eyes." would probably put up her guard especially if I didn't have anything to say beyond that.



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24 Mar 2014, 12:18 pm

leafplant wrote:
But I think I use PUA in every day life just to get by socially, if that makes sense. Like, complimenting people to ingratiate myself, smiling a lot, bringing people chocolates if they've done something nice to me etc. IDK if that makes me heartless but I just want to get on with my life with minimum bother and that seems to do the trick.

That's not PUA. PUA would be to always offer chocolates to one of your friends and not the other to make the other jealous. Then switch to offering the second friend chocolates but not the first. Make your friends feel like they're competing for your chocolates. Also, make jokes insinuating that your friends shouldn't eat too much chocolate if they're trying to watch their weight, while simultaneously offering them even more chocolates.



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24 Mar 2014, 2:54 pm

auntblabby wrote:
some people are utterly lacking the "fun to be around" genes so for such [unless they have marked acting skill] PUA is a waste of money.


Having good "acting skills" is exactly why sociopaths make such good PUA/womanizers a lot of the time. (i.e. nobody is more "fake" than a sociopath).

It's very possible the whole PUA concept originated from guys with anti-social personality disorder. :?



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24 Mar 2014, 3:18 pm

Venger wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
some people are utterly lacking the "fun to be around" genes so for such [unless they have marked acting skill] PUA is a waste of money.


Having good "acting skills" is exactly why sociopaths make such good PUA/womanizers a lot of the time. (i.e. nobody is more "fake" than a sociopath).

It's very possible the whole PUA concept originated from guys with anti-social personality disorder. :?


+1

PUA is shite for guys who think that woman aren't actually people, but merely walking life-support systems for the various orifices into which said guys would like to stick their knobs.