Dating who pay for it

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I'm gonna quote a verse of the Avril Lavigne song, The Best Damn Thing~"I hate it when a guy doesn't get the tab: And I have to pull my money out, and that looks bad". Unfortunately I think lots of women subscribe to that belief

What's AA?

I always try to pay my share.

Alcoholics Anonymous

The alcoholic pays? But it's anonymous, how do you know...

Someone or both pay & are too drunk to remember

My general impression is you should always offer to pay.

I think there is a more subtle social nuances to this though. Really it about reciprocation, and feeling comfortable.

If paying is too big a deal, then that can come across quite negatively.

Ofter to pay, in a relaxed way. If they counter that, say it is "your treat" and they can pay next time.

If they really wish to pay offer to go dutch. Or if they insist of going dutch, consider doing this before it become strained.

If would want to make sure, say you are "happy to go dutch, but also wanted this to be a treat", don't make them feel like you are carrying them and you are obliged. It is fine to offer a couple of times, but you are skating on thin ice unless you can keep it a jovial and relaxed discourse. If it is not like that, just accept their offer and say you owe them a meal.

I'd avoid mathematical fairness, in place of general reciprocation based on feeling. None of my friend keep good track of who owes who, but we do make sure we generally get the rounds in. The more you can trust them the less of an issue it is.

I like hale_bopp's idea of asker pays, but this isn't always clear cut and it is not set in stone.

If it's something small like a few drinks, I'll pay even if the girl pulls her wallet and insists to pay for herself.

However, I don't take girls I just met to a buffet, I find restaurants to be awkward like the cinema, I'd much rather go to a quirky antique shop, book store, castle or museum.

Dutch is the way to go! Though having said that it really depends on if it's somewhere casual of if the venue was intended to woo you.

Dutch seems the most popular in the UK.

Seems to be the opposite in the states

This. Expecting to go halfs sounds really cheap/stingy. I wouldn't want to date anyone who was concerned with getting the woman to pay her half as if the date is just a business deal.

Why would you expect the man to pay in the first place, unless you subscribe to the old fashioned values and already think of yourself of having less worth than any man. In that case, I suppose the who pays dilemma is an excellent way to determine whether you are compatible with someone even before you go any further than the first date.

Yes.

As I quoted:

If there's any question whatsoever, even 1%, YOU pay. If a split is mentioned unsolicited by the other party involved, that's possibly acceptable if you're like 23 or younger.

I dunno, dates aside, I profoundly hate splitting checks in general. If it's a $30 a plate dinner with drinks and s**t for a group of 10 people, I get that. But for example 6 people going out for mexican food or something? If you don't have the money to pay for yourself and, if need be, the entire group, it's cool but it should be understood before you even arrive that you're hard up and need to get paid for.

Again, maybe I felt differently when I was 20, but at this point I can't fathom going on a date and trying to negotiate a check.

Business deal? Well, it is really (not the date, but paying for the meal is). You are paying for the thing you are consuming. It's really nothing to do with the date. Or at least, IMO, it shouldn't have anything to do with it, apart from being a normal part of the occasion, like sitting down/placing your order/eating your meal. You pay for the order, as well. Simple. I don't know why we have to make it so complex.

Even if the woman aren't old fashioned; women still only earn on average 77 cents for every dollar a man earns for equal work so in general men should be able to better afford to pay for the date. I wish true gender equality existed & there weren't stereotypes & generalizations based on gender so this wouldn't be an issue.