being friends with ex's on social media
I tried to remain friends (both in real life and online) with my ex but I decided recently to let her go completely. It's not so much her publicly slamming me (without naming me but it was obvious) but her last status update was "f*** my life, f*** this city, f*** everyone. I don't need such childish BS from anyone and refuse to associate with someone who will drag me down.
I'm FB "friends" with my ex-husband.
Neither of us were online yet when we got married, back in 1999.
We aren't bitter towards each other, and FB is the only way he communicates (rather than email or phone)-
so every once in a great while, we exchange a message or two.
At this stage (a decade after our divorce) we're mere acquaintances rather than friends, but that's okay.
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*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*
Interesting the new problems social media injects to our lives ...
I don't have this situation, but here is how I see it:
Times you would be friends:
1. Were already friends on FB while dating, and you would have to literally delete the person. Unless it ended really badly, that delete could interpreted as a hurtful or vindictive gesture. You stay friends not because you really are friends, but because you don't want to be rude in deleting. My guess is that this is THE most common reason for what you are seeing.
2. You are intentionally staying on friendly terms in real life.
3. The relationship was long, long ago and there is simply curiosity as to how someone you once knew is doing now.
4. The relationship did not end well due to reasons that were your fault and you want to make a gesture that could make amends. Of course, in that situation the request would have to come with a private, explanatory message.
5. She sends you a friend request and you feel at least semi-OK about it, so you don't want to be rude and reject the request.
Times you would not be friends:
1. You were not FB friends during the relationship, the breakup did not end well and you don't have a clear reason for wanting to become FB friends.
2. You were not FB friends during the relationship, and you did not leave the relationship with any sense that you were both going to try to stay in contact.
3. You were not FB friends during the relationship, you have no contact with the person in real life, and no clear reason for wanting to become FB friends.
4. Things did not end well and you basically have agreed to not be in each other's lives (this one applies whether or not you already were FB friends).
Probably lots more examples but those are what I could think of.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
If you both want to, I don't see why not. If you're the one making the request, maybe send along a message saying, "sorry if this is weird, just wanted to keep in touch, if you don't want to that's fine."
I've never friended a boyfriend -- there's so much contact already, I wind up thinking, jeez, let the guy have some space.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,163
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
I'm a little on the OCD side. I prefer to go the road of no contact after a breakup. I've deleted all my exes after a breakup and only once was there any re-adding since the breakup wasn't bad. I feel its healthier to not know what's going on in an ex's life after a breakup.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
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