How do I understand men better?

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I found the comic inaccurate. I don't know that men do think of sex that much. Maybe they do, but then there's such social pressure to act so anyway - it's how men are supposed (in both senses) to be.

As to the priority - for a majority, perhaps. Maybe even most. But certainly not for all.

From a young age I wanted a girfriend, not a lay. Sex, sure, but also companionship and support and care. I was (and am) far too neurotic to do 'casual'.

Frankly, I have no need to persuade anyone on this. Aside from twisting my post into a personal attack you could try to contribute something useful for a change.



How is it being sexist when I'm describing the differences of this effect on either sex?

Its not about what you 'want' or what your 'goal' is. Its how the process of pair bonding happens in your brain. Sexual desire has nothing to do with oxytocin. The effect of the act of sex triggers stronger pair bonding effect in women whereas it does very little in males to that end.

Marky: I like your sense of humor

Thank you so much for the information, help, and a couple laughs. I don't think I explained this post correctly. I know men want sex, that is a given, but I don't know how to properly communicate with them, especially the ones in my youth group at church. When I try to talk to the boys there (I'm assuming they're around 15-18 years old), they act awkward and they don't say much. I don't talk to them any differently than other people, but they act differently towards me. Am I annoying them or scaring them somehow? How do I understand their facial expressions?

Oh, it is a church group. Well they are probably resisting having their first impure thoughts that may well lead them to eternal damnation. Cut them some slack.

That last bit tells me you're aware you have difficulties with social cues.

For this the best you can do is ask your psychologist to enter you into cognitive therapy. Its precisely the thing that will teach you how to spot and display those subtle social cues that are critical to socializing.

I've been through therapy for years, and I'm still confused about this stuff. I tried to explain it to the last psycologist I had, but he said I was fine and said I didn't need any help.

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Oh, it is a church group. Well they are probably resisting having their first impure thoughts that may well lead them to eternal damnation. Cut them some slack.[/quote]

Why would they have dirty thoughts about me? It's not like I'm a flirt or wear revealing clothes. I'm not exactly a teenage boy's idea of hot. I've had this problem for years. Boys in elementary school refused to play with me, then they treated me like a weirdo and picked on me in middle school, and teenage boys in the church youth groups I've been to act weird when I try to be friendly. I don't know what I'm doing wrong for them to act this way. There have been a few guys that have been friendly, but they don't want to be my friend anymore after a few months. Am I just a living guy repellant? Could I be too awkward? Do I give off some sort of desperate vibe that creeps them out?

Most of my male colleagues from college got married before 30.

Yeah, the vibe is called Autism. I had the exact same problem, only I didn't even know about it until I was in my 30s. The only thing you're doing wrong is behaving like yourself, unfortunately. It's like a big neon sign that says "unsuitable partner". In those days and at that place, in my experience and where I live, boys were not "friends" with girls (except the principal's daughter, but she had a leg up). How many girls did you know in elementary school who were accepted to be played with alongside boys (in a recess setting not a structured phys ed class)? Aside aforementioned principal's daughter, I knew precisely 0.

An almost-teacher of mine (if I hadn't switched schools) told me (when my friend who did have her as a teacher took me to visit her) that boys (particularly in elementary years) do NOT like girls who are NOT shy. And dear lord i was total opposite of shy.

There could be many reasons why guys after getting to know you don't want any part of you. One rather mundane reason is perhaps they're embarrassed to be around you because of unpredictable (aspie but they don't know it) behavior. I was told repeatedly by my family something along those lines though they never really got specific, it was always vague references to "embarrasing" and "behavior" which I never really could figure out, but like they totally expected me to. They also claimed I am "too loud".

Since most people don't understand autism or autistic behavior, they probably think you do things on purpose that you're totally not, but they either don't know any better, or don't buy that you're not doing it on purpose even if you say you're not.

I'm guessing mommy issues.

Most psychologists and psychiatrists are not geared to helping or understanding autistic people and their various needs.

Traditional therapy is completely useless on autistics.

Hell, the person that diagnosed me, prevented me from getting psychiatric "help" from the local university because it would have done no good at all. They said I would be wasting the students' time as well as my own. Of all psychiatrists or psychologists, students are the least able to deal with autistic people, because they were not even taught how.

This has been my experience. I am on my third therapist and for the third straight time I said to her "I know you do mean well but you are not the least bit helpful." the counselor isn't being paid to pretend to be my friend: I want concrete examples of what I can do to understand social cues especially from women. I also tried seeing a psychiatrist (since they are covered by Govt insurance) and he basically said I was perfectly fine. No doubt because he has no idea how to deal with a very high functioning Aspie (at least on the surface) who doesn't need or want drugs.

Now, back to what the OP was asking. A couple of years back I had a Aspie girl (or least I strongly suspect an Aspie girl) come on to me and even though I love when women take the initiative she came on WAYYYYY too strong. She pretty much spilled her life story and to me and would not take my request to take it easy. Once she found a boyfriend she dropped communications and when that didn't work out, she started contacted me again like nothing happened. I told her to get lost and that I am not a backup plan and she is STILL trying to contact me! I don't think she realizes how annoying her behaviour is.

Oh I'm sorry I offended you. The first part of your post about Oxycontin was interesting but then it got a little creepy as it seemed to recommend the OP who is 18 years old to go out with men over 30.
I guess my motherly instinct kicked in as I'm a mother of an 18 year old girl.

Let's see what advice I can give to the OP... Unfortunately it is almost impossible to figure out what you are doing wrong just from your posts. If your psychologist said you're fine, then maybe there is nothing wrong with you.
You said there have been guys who were friendly with you. That means you don't have much problem attracting them initially.
Why did they stop being friends with you? I don't think you should be too concerned about it. Just think they were not the right kind of people for you. It is hard for most people to meet someone who click with. You just have to keep trying. Good luck!

That's one bad psychologist then. The hardest thing for any person to do is to acknowledge there's a problem and ask for help.

Try again. Ask for cognitive therapy. I'm not sure how it works where you live but I think you can just go to a therapist without needing a psychologist to refer you.

Since you're 18 you may have access to local university free counseling services. You can walk into their centers and ask them for a list of therapists in the area that do cognitive therapy and call them... ask them if they have experience with aspergers patients...if they do great, if not ask them if they know of any.

Cognitive therapy helped me quite a bit @ 30yrs. Its not a 'fix' but it does help you become aware of things NT pick up automatically that we are simply blind to.



I'm not sure what you mean by 'needy'. Sexually or emotionally? Or do you mean the type of guys that are overly possessive/jealous?



Traditional yes I agree it does not work. I found cognitive therapy useful but not a solution. However I think that if I had it when I was 18 like the OP it would have helped me a lot more in life.



Aw cripes.. must be my lower testosterone getting me all sensitive that I got snippy That wasn't what I was trying to say but I can see how it came across that way (sorry OP!). When you're 25 or so you will likely still be looking for 'the right one' and notice guys around your age range still behave like they did at 18. That's when I mean to look above 30 since they wont be thinking about your pants but about you as a person.

@ 18 have fun, study hard and don't get pregnant or arrested.

Thank you all so much for your help. I'm currently NOT in therapy because of what my psychologist told me. He was helpful when I talked about the abuse I dealt with when I was younger. Oh, about the boy thing, boys in parks and stuff would play with me, but boys at school wouldn't. Is that weird or normal? Was it because the boys at school didn't want to be associated with the "weird girl" in the class?

Well I don't know your situation but yes thats probably it. I was the "weird boy" in school but in sports, parks etc I was tolerated and occasionally accepted. My "friends" in school all turned on me because they didn't want to be bullied themselves as I understand it.