Attraction makes little sense to me ...

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shadexiii
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19 Feb 2007, 5:30 pm

matt271 wrote:
naturally u should be attracted to some1 who would be a good mate.
nice boobs = good milk for baby
good curves = space for baby in womb
nice skin = healthy
etc.


That's great for biological drive, but it is more than that, and the definition of "good" can vary from person to person.



Shale
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19 Feb 2007, 5:37 pm

The ideal match is a completely subconscious thing, we have no control over it. We don't even know what it is. You THINK you like certain things, yet you'll find yourself strangely attracted to someone who doens't exactly fit that criteria you've built for yourself.

Attachment and affection are strange things too. So many human behaviours are inexplicable to a large degree because they're subconscious instincts.

Also, people are usually attracted to people just like their parents - specifically that of the opposite gender. You'll note that a lot of women with abusive or alcoholic husbands will have a parent, grandparent, relative etc that's very similar. One of my mum's good friends has only just been coerced into getting a restraining order against her abusive on-and-off partner (ironically enough she's a fitness freak and he's an overweight one-armed bludger, yet he STILL pounds her senseless)...turns out her drunk and abusive ex is just like her drunk and abusive father and grandfathers :? Oh, and brothers too. Yep. Runs in the family. The abuse may be terrible and debilitating but a lot of women don't leave because that's ALL they know.

A more skin-deep example of this is myself...I'm half-white half-chinese, and I find myself more attracted to asian guys (specifically Japanese) than white guys. My dad's the chinese side of me :) Strangely enough I seem to attract guys with similar temper issues ><;; Urgh.



shadexiii
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19 Feb 2007, 5:41 pm

Shale wrote:
Also, people are usually attracted to people just like their parents - specifically that of the opposite gender.


yeah.... always puts me in a great mood when I come to a realization about a relationship and end up saying "Freud was right...."



Shale
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19 Feb 2007, 6:27 pm

Freud was a morbid, disturbed little man :lol: But he does have a point with some of his banter.



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19 Feb 2007, 9:59 pm

shadexiii wrote:
matt271 wrote:
naturally u should be attracted to some1 who would be a good mate.
nice boobs = good milk for baby
good curves = space for baby in womb
nice skin = healthy
etc.


That's great for biological drive, but it is more than that, and the definition of "good" can vary from person to person.


You said it. Imagine two arbitrary women, call them Anne and Betty, and two men Charlie and David. To Charlie, maybe Anne is nothing but skin and bones, while Betty is a good-looking, cuddly woman. But maybe to David, Anne is hot, while Bettie needs orange hazard lights and a Wide Load placard.

It's all in the perceptions. You can't just point at a group of women and say "Which of these women is the most attractive?" You have to specify to whom. There's always going to be someone who disagrees. This is why beauty pageants don't have one judge — they have a panel of three, or five, or nine. If everyone's tastes were the same, one judge would be all you'd ever need.


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SteelMaiden
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21 Feb 2007, 1:27 pm

There was a Medical Society discussion about the Chemistry of Love at my school last week. I couldn't go (:() because I was revising for a test.


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Melantha
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26 Feb 2007, 8:02 pm

matt271 wrote:
naturally u should be attracted to some1 who would be a good mate.
nice boobs = good milk for baby
good curves = space for baby in womb
nice skin = healthy
etc.

Um, hate to burst your bubble here, but the attractiveness of a woman's breasts has nothing to do with her milk-production abilities. Unattractive breasts can produce abundant rich milk and beautiful ones can be dry; and vice versa. Most human societies both past and present have paid little attention to the female breasts as anything but a secondary sex characteristic which indicates maturity.
And curves do not indicate how much space a baby has in the womb. The womb is an elastic organ which stretches to accommodate the baby no matter how curvaceous or otherwise the mother may be. What matters is the space available for birth, meaning the pelvic opening, which is determined by the development of the pelvic bones. Poor nutrition while growing up may cause rickets, which narrows the pelvic opening and can lead to cephalo-pelvic disproportion (a discrepancy between the size of the opening and the size of the baby's head).



sinsboldly
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26 Feb 2007, 8:50 pm

So, when I let you guys know the chemistry behind attraction, all you saw was a long diatribe of big words and concepts you knew nothing about.
The point is, sex has so little to do with attraction. I know you probably won't believe me but the best looking guys are usually duds in bed. Why? because they have never been challenged. Most guys look at the centerfold and take care of business, why should they think that they have to do otherwise when they actually GET a girl in bed?
So, if you go for the eye candy, you get what you lust after.

but then, I havn't seen many that post here that actually want to get off their lazy asses and DO any behaviour modification! Most of the guys want to blame the woman for not being attracted to them.
Merle



Shale
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26 Feb 2007, 9:25 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
but then, I havn't seen many that post here that actually want to get off their lazy asses and DO any behaviour modification! Most of the guys want to blame the woman for not being attracted to them.
Merle


Quoted for TRUTH.

Seriously guys. If women aren't attracted to you then something about you is un-sexy. Find it, and kill it. Or modify it. Adding a huge wing and front bumper to my car changes it yes, makes it handle a little differently, but it's still the same car it always was...only sexier ;) It's not that hard to find the source of the problem and FIX IT.

And when the whole world looks like it's against you, stop looking out and look IN :) You may find your answers there.



sinsboldly
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03 Mar 2007, 1:36 pm

well, well, looks like that killed the thread
hummmm. . . .



Shale
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03 Mar 2007, 6:52 pm

LOL. I reckon! I can just see a lot of people reading that last bit and going '.....oh :('

Attraction is a biartch...involves so many things on so many levels to so many people.



sepia
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04 Mar 2007, 4:46 pm

everytime you were attracted to someone you had a little comentary voice in your head (mine would probably be murray walker from f1) saying things like ah yes, that is a very nice freckle on her cheek your babysitter used to have one a bit like that and she was hot and the shade of her hair reminds you of your neighbours dog you used to cuddle and her slightly scruffy sense of dress disarms and she smells good and.... so on

because the process of picking a future mate is too complex a process to be in concious thought and has to be calculated in the logarithms of the subconcious.

don't suppose that was the answer you were looking for either :lol:



Shale
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04 Mar 2007, 10:36 pm

Hehe...while I don't have the voice, that's what my brain does in an instant. Say I see a random guy...it'd go, damn those are nice eyes...reminds me of Kazuya from Tekken. Tall and lanky, not bad...bit like my last boyfriend only with less if a belly goin' on there. Not sure about the hair though, the Kurt Cobain thing is a little old school...that and he probably doesn't wash it very often. Neh, personal hygeine is more important than smashing good looks - and damn that guy's jawline is nice, he could probably be a movie star if he cut his damn hair...

XD

Except the whole thing, in reality, is a hell of a lot more detailed.

But yes, most of it's calculated in the subconscious like a computer goin' hard with algorithms. It's way too complex for a societally-biased system like the conscious mind to be left alone with :lol:



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04 Mar 2007, 10:56 pm

denegibson wrote:
I don't understand how you can be attracted to someone, when logic says there's absolutely no reason you should be attracted to a particular person.

Though I don't mean that generically, why is confidence considered so much of an attraction?

I'm sure you're familiar with cases where girls decide to stay with guys who are abusive. Even if that isn't the case, they're still willing to sacrifice part of their lives by changing friends, jobs, even moving to a different country. You ask them what they see in a person and the response is something like "it's complicated". Complicated how? There's nothing you can say you particularly like about a person yet you're just attracted to them?

Well felt like posting a little rant somewhere ....

Thanks
alright danny gibson i know thats you. hows yer band white limo?


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BazzaMcKenzie
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30 Apr 2007, 11:38 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
well, well, looks like that killed the thread
hummmm. . . .

you were going a bit off topic.

If you think there are so many billion people in the world, what is it that makes anyone one attracted to any particular individual, or love 1 person above all others :?

I don't know there is any logic to it, Mr Spock, it just happens.

PS - is this your band http://www.myspace.com/ridethelimo ?

Got talent (but not my style). I thought the drummer took a little while to get into the right rythm.


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01 May 2007, 12:01 am

BazzaMcKenzie wrote:
If you think there are so many billion people in the world, what is it that makes anyone one attracted to any particular individual, or love 1 person above all others :?
.


Don't tell me that you believe in some sort of
soul mate or something? There are people
with whom one can fit well. It's hard for some
of us to find them, but there are always SOME.
It's just a matter of circumstances that determines
which you end up with.