bye bye halfmadgenius.

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The biggest ass I ever dated was an accomplished medical researcher with a PhD. Just saying.

If formal education is important to you, though, maybe you should try attending lectures at local universities or fundraisers for areas of research that interest you. Never know who you might strike up a conversation with.

Seems like your elitism and snobbish judgements on others are the things that are holding you back.

I understand where you're coming from, halfmadgenius. I have a great need to have intellectual conversations and be on a similar level of engagement with the world as the one I date. I've also been called elitist, but it's a personal preference I would rather not abandon for the sake of avoiding that.

After the 5000th dating site message from a guy with high school or some random college credits who thinks "your hot" it just gets frustrating.

Did you go to Stanford or Harvard university yourself? Do you have a 50k+ income?

I'm not judging it as wrong to go for someone when you know you can't contribute an equal amount in every area of the marriage, we all have strengths and weaknesses. People go for what they can get and survival is one of those contributing factors in desire and who people choose to marry.

Yeah, my first question still went unanswered, what are your intellectual achievements. starrynightmare and halfmadgenius? Or you just think that you deserve to marry up just because...*gulp*... you receive 1000s of messages on dating sites?

It's fine to be elitists but are you Elites yourselves?

I don't want an airhead woman as well, but I don't set a phd as a requirement, anyone who reads and has interests beyond facebook and photos is fine for me.

I disagree. In order to have a relationship, you need stuff to talk about, something in common. Otherwise the time you spend together is awkward. I can't date someone who is not an intellectual. It just won't work because that is the level my brain operates on. That doesn't make me an elitist. I just know what works for me and what doesn't. I think halfmadgenius is the same way.

I don't disagree with halfmadgenius and starrynightmare but I am wondering if they are as academically/intellectually achievers as the dreams guys they want have or they're simply ones of those women who think they deserve to marry/date up just because of being born women.

The OP mentioned Phds, so it's not just about common interests I believe.

I don't think having matching levels of education is nearly as important as having matching (or close) levels of intellect. For someone that I would be spending as much time with as a love partner, they have got to be at (or close to) my level of intellect and, ideally, would have some of the same types of interests I do. Otherwise, they will be intimidated, and I will be bored. Not a good combination for the long term.

Conversely, I've dated several Ph.D.s (and worked with scores of others). A few of them had broad enough interests that I found them enjoyable to hang out with and have conversations with. Most of them were so focused on their narrow field of interest that, unless I also happened to have a Ph.D. in the same field, it was difficult to find something to discuss. Even a Ph.D. in literature (and reading is one of my obsessions) was too narrowly-focused for truly engaging conversation. Unless I wanted to listen to him lecture on poetry (not one of my favorite genres of literature), the conversation was flat and uninteresting.

It's very difficult to sort through a dating site by level of intellect, however. The closest you *can* come is sorting by education. Personally I'd prefer someone with a B.S. or M.S. in engineering over a Ph.D. in any of the arts or the "soft" sciences. And, though it's difficult to explain why (even to myself), I'm not really interested in anyone with a degree in medicine. (Although it might be fun to hang out with someone with a Ph.D. in neuroscience! )

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, however it does limit your options, emotional connection and chemistry should be at the forefront of every relationship in my opinion.

It is interesting how people go for their most "valued" trait reflected in someone else, for instance, people with high charisma and social skills value others with those traits, academics value academics, savvy businessmen types value those who are savvy with money and equity, athletes value athletes so it is very interesting from that point of perspective.

But as Eureka13 said, the trouble is that you can become too narrowly focused on a certain characteristic or interest that you lose sight of the bigger picture which is the person themselves. If you socially narrow people out as being invaluable or unworthy because they lack a part of your reflection and that, my friend, is a very unhealthy habit to hold on to.

I do understand where you and Archdevilius are coming from. However I never claimed to want to marry "up", just on the same plane. My background is the imminent completion of a bachelor's at a mid-range institution. I plan to attend graduate school for a MFA via scholarship funding I am in the process of applying for. My "backup plan" is an MA abroad funded by an academic exchange organization.
As far as dating goes, I'd simply like to date someone in a similar academic progress-based mindset and with similar intellectual interests.

No, I was not able to go to college for various reasons. But I am an intellectual. It's not about marrying up. It is about wanting some one on my level to talk to. If he isn't able to enjoy and discuss documentaries with me neither of us will be happy. I'll still be lonely and I'll drive him nuts.

There's a huge difference between someone who likes to read/watch documentaries and someone who's genius with phd and overachiever in some scientific career.

I read and watch documentaries a lot, but my IQ is average and I am not a genius at all.

And would you date a man without a college degree? I highly doubt that, and I highly doubt that you would even give him the chance to explain the various reasons that prevented him to pursue a college degree, as if that would change anything for you.

Why the phd guy should give you a chance and listen to your reasons?

Just as humans cry when sad so does the aquatic crocodile. Before the seas give up their dead and monsters walk the earth every good guy here needs a girlfriend. And not just any girlfriend will do. Sensing the effluvial of your machismo air head girls are on the prowl. Like the wolf there looking for another throbbing experience. And while air head girls are sprouting up like weeds, taking big bites out of the general population, all efforts at limiting there spread has meet with total failure. And as the weed is just a plant on steroids so air head girls are nourished on the steroid of mass media culture. While some may snicker in a snarly way, this is no joke.

Did you miss the posts about flirting with the Lowes cashier? He's certainly not a PhD, But I fear if I did get to go out with him we'd have nothing to talk about. Yes, I would give him a chance. if he indicated a decent intellect. I look specifically for educated men though because of a reasonable expectation of intelligence. Are they guaranteed to be geniuses? No, but they are more likely than the unemployed douche on OKcupid with a vulgar screen name who uses text speak to proposition women. And I have had more of them than I can count contact me.

I'm still wondering what makes you such a great catch, what's your major? Quantum physics?

Maybe the idealistic view of an intellectual man is one you created or exaggerated in your mind but I do understand your frustrations when dealing with the simple minded.