Those of you in relationships: how often do you see your SO?

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I think this very good advice, as is that of snuffkin and screen_name.

Put a plan/routine proposal together, and then approach him about it. Something concrete is a lot easier to consider than the more amorphous 'I'd like us to spend more time together, what do you think?' kind of approach. I don't like to change my routines or plans. If someone proposes a non-specific change, it looms as a threat, unsettles and panics me. If someone proposes a solid, boundaried change, well, I'll still be unsettled about it, but can respond and engage with the idea, consider it, change it as I might prefer - I am more likely to participate than just shut down.



That was a hard and unpleasant lesson to learn - misery all round.

Me and my partner live together. I'm Aspie, she's NT.

I spend most of my time in my room at my computer, or with my head in a book. I'm always doing something alone. She likes to go to her friends, which is perfect because I prefer to be alone much of the time. She's happy with that, I'm happy with that.

I find romance, and "spending time" together a bit boring after a while. Some people can spend all day with their partners, but after a day or so it starts to get really boring. Probably why he likes to go home on a Sunday. My partner used to get really annoyed that I wouldn't spend much time with her on the sofa watching a movie. I dislike most things NT couples do together.

You can live together, but you have to find a balance. He will need his own space and time alone. He may enjoy uninterrupted time. One thing I hate is if I'm doing something and then my partner will ask me to go to the shop, or change the cat litter. Disrupts everything and I sometimes wish I had a solution where she couldn't interrupt me like that.

He also needs to understand you're a person and you have likes and dislikes and he needs to accept those as much as you accept his. This is something I'm still learning to do.

Hi passion_flower,

Speaking from experience with me being the one who has the spectrum traits - especially related to socializing, I also found myself preferring to spend time by myself with close time with my SO - when I still had one - spent in 'clumps' of time. Additionally, the weekend schedule you describe is pretty much my own preference to a T.

More than that was simply 'too much'.

It didn't have to do with love; it was the fact that all the sensory and socializing processing that I had to do when I was spending time with them was just too much to the point of constant overload.

Even around people I love, I can be very awkward at socializing to the point that it is a job for me to figure out the right way to react and respond. Even if they are in another room, the fact that they ARE there and will probably at some point approach me or expect me to approach them triggers a, "I will need to interact with them somehow soon - ACK!" sort of involuntary mental response and flail.

Thus, I feel the need to 'retreat' with 'retreat' meaning completely pull away to recharge myself... ALONE.

That said, socializing - to me - is mentally and emotionally demanding in a way most people probably cannot understand and because of this, also very draining.

My ex and I broke up over this exact issue; they wanted more than what I could give and couldn't understand why I couldn't give more and took offense that when I tried to give more, I would overload and have a meltdown.