Ever wonder if you'll find someone?

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All of the fish in the sea are either dead or poisonous.

Oh come on guys men are a commodity, the divorce rate is well over 60% in the USA alone, and out of those divorces women initiate at least 80% of them. even if you get into a relationship the odds are its not going to last, women have to many expectations of men, and they want nothing less. when things get hard they just dump you and say "next"! and what they consider hard is nothing next to what men consider hard. they have become to picky. just don't marry and enjoy what relationships you can get into as long as they last, and hope you have children then fight for them. there is no making woman happy. so don't worry about it.

I know I'll eventually find someone, I'm just hoping it's before I'm 40... I'd like to have kids by my early 30's.

What a cynic.

I am in my marriage to stay, thank you.

Because I married the right guy. I followed my heart not my hormones, not a movie, not a script.

But what if it isn't a matter of loving yourself? Maybe I am okay, but I just can't tolerate being alone? Are humans supposed to live alone? You're lucky you're one of the strong ones. I'm not. I'm not going to make it in this life if I don't find someone to at least live with. I could care less about sex really. I just need companionship. Need, not want. I suppose it's nobodies fault and I'm not entitled to anything. I should be at least entitled to die a painless death some day. I know I didn't choose to come into this world. For now I'm just putting it off. Don't insult me by lecturing me or pretending to comprehend this pain. You can't. You will never know it. I don't want to play some goddamn game where I pretend to be happy when I'm not so I can be "attractive". f**k that. It's a goddamn catch-22.

Been wondering that for a while now, actually.

Thats pretty much what i said, my last relationship i got into I realized none of them i ever get into is likely to last, so I gave up and impregnated her on purpose just so I can have that family of my own, then when she dumped me for anther man i fought for that child, he is primarily mine now. and I have been greatly praised as that good father. woman don't want that good father they want that man that makes "them" happy. its a common flaw to think woman wants a man that would make a good father because that is not enough for them, they expect that out of any man. I may not have that mate, but I am at least fairly happy now because I have a child to fill my life and time with, I do not regret him what so ever, while woman feels its their right, their entitlement to have children, and its their bodies to use to chose to do that with which man is not entitled to have. man can not have child without woman, so according to woman man is not entitled to have children without her consent. but I am that damn good father. I cant help that woman has to many expectations of me. I wanted to keep the woman too, but I do not regret what I have done. woman may say I had not the right, but you tell my son he does not have that right to exist, he is a member here too.

Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 29 May 2014, 12:34 am, edited 2 times in total.

well, while i am rather fatalistic about being resigned to my single forever fate if that is what the cards have dealt out, I have to wonder if I'll find anyone that can actually be within 100 miles of me (due to where they grew up and live currently and anyone in potential consideration being too poor to travel - add to that the fact that Canada is very particular and usually doesn't allow people with ASD to immigrate, so it would have to be someone who can pass for neurotypical (and is not disabled or on disability) enough to get in and stay in, or someone already in Canada).

And they better not be counting on kids, because I've got a gazillion health problems and 9 or fewer years left on the reproductive timeclock (and that's assuming if it ever worked at all).

Constantly having to live for yourself, trying to "better yourself" is a drag. It's all about YOU, YOU, YOU... get healthier, be happier, don't be this, be that. Not blessed with good brain chemistry? Find it all meaningless? Well f**k you, that's your own damn fault. You should just choose to be happy. Just snap your fingers, think happy thoughts, and fart some rainbows. People will smell it and like you, especially when you rub it in some unhappy persons face and lecture at them - extra "confidence" points for that. It is nice to be able to have a reason beyond yourself, beyond the goddamn infernal rat race.

I technically died after being born. I believe for this reason I am not meant to find someone as I wasn't meant to be. however I also have the strong need to be with someone and have a gift of making people happy and laugh. Perhaps a curse, punishment or someone's cruel joke.

I'm not just talking about loving yourself, but also being content in your life as it is, making the most of what is there.

Women run from guys who seem too needy, so as long as your project that, you hurt your odds.

You can get companionship from a roommate, you know. When I bought my 3 bedroom house I put up an ad for roommate. I had a really nice, large, basically 2nd master suite well separated from mine, and I had some great roommate experiences over the years, life long friends. One of my sisters lives alone but belongs to a large number of clubs, and has also taken in numerous exchange students over the years that she stays close to. You can also continue to live near family, or even with family. Living in large apartment building or condo complexes also tends to provide naturally occurring companionship opportunities; I used to be super close to the guy who lived across the hall from me when I had a condo; we did all sorts of things together (until he fell in love, of course, but I was genuinely happy for him).

I really believe it is social messages that make us feel companionship has to come from a romantic partner. Especially in your situation, looking purposely for a romantic partner seems kind of like a trap. You will do so well with someone like my sister, actually ...

Women like her don't worry about the dating market; in fact, I'd say she long ago gave up on it. Her clubs and her friends and her family are her life, and she is close to people in a way that I rarely have been; she spends time making and keeping those connections, and almost always has a guest to bring to family holidays (never dates, always clearly friends).

That's what every married person says the few years before a divorce! Then the 'other' person changes, lol.

There are no guarantees, but most people who are married at my age stay that way. People don't usually "change" much past a certain age. And my husband has always said that he never, ever wants to be "that" divorced guy; he has seen the misery it brings. Not to mention, you have no idea the #&*!* we've already gone through. Pretty sure if we stuck all that out, we will stick anything out. It is a matter of commitment; of values. We both come from imperfect families that never gave up on each other.

And that isn't shallow as hell? The whole concept makes me incredibly suicidal. Is it genetics, hormonal, or cultural? If I was in a wheel-chair people would run away from me? Having any needs is WRONG. Anything that isn't perfect, run away? This just reinforces the whole feeling of being a commodity you have to put to market. I'm not good enough as I am. I have to go my entire life everywhere hiding my pain. Chances are if I ever felt connected to something I wouldn't feel needy anymore. If I want to project a different image I'm going to have to rely on some kind of psychoactive substance. If prescription medications can't fix me, I'll have to look for alternatives. I'm reaching the end of the line. I don?t think you can fully comprehend this dilemma.


I've never had a good experience with roommates. I've never really clicked with male roommates. They tend to do their own thing such that there isn't really a sense of community even though you live together. What's worse is they tend to not respect my needs. They will gross me out, make too much noise at the wrong times, etc... I'm left feeling not connected and at the same time lack a space to retreat to when I need it. I tend to run into a brick wall with friends as well. I always want something more. They find some love and move on and have no time for anything. I'm left in the dust. Everything is so tenuous and fickle. There's no stability. I'm supposed to just deal with this and be "tough" like everyone else, but I just can't. I suppose that?s my fault again. My fault for not being able to follow the whole ?mind over matter, be happy? cliche. It doesn?t work. I usually have the urge to slap people who lecture at me from a pedestal or tell me I?m just not trying hard enough. I try so hard it drives me into rages. I want to feel better so badly it?s unreal.


I?m trying, but I?m reaching the end of the line. Going out in public with people doesn?t really feel like companionship at all. It just isn?t intimate. It?s too noisy, stressful, and exhausting to be rewarding for someone like me.


Sounds like an extravert with way more energy than me. It?s hard for me to truly feel close with people who live away from me and who I don?t get to see everyday. I guess my definition of companionship is just different.

You misunderstand what I mean by needy, and I apologize for not explaining that. In the interest of brevity I sometimes forget that not everyone uses terminology in the same way I do.

Everyone has needs, of course they do, so it isn't the fact that someone has needs that is a turn off. It really hard to describe but when I was single I remember being around a few men who are so desperate to find someone, so locked into that "I need you to make me happy because I can never be happy on my own" mentality, that even having a simple conversation made me feel like they are trying to suck all the life and soul out of me and make it their own. The problem with that is that another person can not make you emotionally whole if you are not already emotionally whole; they are looking in the wrong place; and when you are around someone like that for everything you give them or do for them they end up seeking exponentially more from you. And the simple reason they do that is because you are not and will never be capable of giving them what they are seeking. That is what I meant by "needy."

One of my sisters happily dated then married a man with severe health issues. Those were needs for which the path was clear, where she would know what to do. That is very different from being confronted with someone who thinks they can use you to fill up their gapping emotional hole.

For the record, while I lost touch with one of those men in my past who projected that neediness, I know that the other one overcame it, married and has a nice life. He finally followed the advice everyone had told him all along: take care of yourself, learn to enjoy being by yourself. Once he got comfortable in his own skin and with his own life, he found someone.

I think that there is something going on that is much more complicated than being "tough" or "trying harder." Sometimes things are going on inside our heads that are real and solid road blocks that keeping us from moving from here to there. At that point I think the healthiest thing to do is recognize that you don't understand what the roadblock is, and keep seeking either professional guidance or life-style changes until some progress is made.

But I do believe that road block is likely to get in the way of potential relationships, as well, so it isn't like you can skip around it to the other side by latching on to mate. Sometimes people do get lucky and find a date that actually understands their roadblock and wants to help solve it, but that is not something a person can actively look for.

I don't know what you've done in the way of working with counselors or even nutrition specialists (it is amazing how much diet can affect our minds and bodies), but that is the direction I would look in, if I was you.