I think an Aspie guy likes me (NT). Now what??

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We have been together since February (a bit more than four months now) and I must say I learned a lot about asperger (what arriving on time meant, sensory issues, how I needed to be direct even when it was awkward, etc.). I just asked him two weeks later if ''he would like to engage in a serious monogamous romantic relationship with me'' He understood

Well I gotta say, folks, I'm a little disheartened. Mike and I had plans to see the movie in the park, but it rained so he suggested that we go to my place (he's never been) and watch a television show that we both like. I said that sounded nice, so he came over. He was very quiet the entire time, though I know that watching TV isn't the best way to spur conversation. But I feel like he was super detatched the entire evening, and then after a couple hours he just said, "I think I'll head home now" and he got up and left! No hugs, no snuggling, no physical contact at all, which I wouldn't have thought much about except for the fact that he's been so physically forward in the past!

I texted him the following morning saying that I enjoyed his company and I invited him to a get-together at a mutual friend's house a few days later. He said he'd consider it but that he wonders if he might live more fully by withdrawing from society...???? I said I couldn't argue with that sentiment but that I liked his thoughtful nature and would like to see him again. He simply replied, "I appreciate your affirmation."

So, is he basically telling me to back off? Or should I not read into it like that? And why has he been so forward with me in the past but when we finally spent time alone he was totally different? Maybe just nervous? Have I misread this entire situation?

Sounds like he's being quite the Aspie. I would have liked to have been in his situation

I don't know if I'd take it personally. Perhaps he wants to withdraw.

It's his loss. That's the way I'd look at it (until he contacts you again).

Thanks, kraftiekortie. I'm trying not to take it personally, as I don't think any of his preferring-to-withdraw behavior has anything to do with me.

But I would like to at least communicate with him via text or email. Do you think that would be overwhelming or stressful for him? I understand not wanting to attend social gatherings, but I don't know if he meant he'd prefer to be left alone completely or not.

no way to know what he's like, but I say that stuff but in reality I am afraid and would love people to talk to. I tend to feel I am a awful person who should be alone. I really just want to be held and talk to people.

but that's me, I can't guess what he is like.

Just keep setting up new meetings with him. Invite him home to you again, or ask if you can meet at his place. Also make sure you have a new appointment with him every time you part ways. That's guaranteed to lead the right way. Make sure he gives you a kiss before you part ways as well.

All seems very odd.
I'm sorry that happened. Maybe just try backing off a bit and see what happens.

Odd? Just goes perfectly well. He really enjoyed himself with a girl to such a degree that he didn't think he had to talk smalltalk with her, and he even didn't think he needed to try to get her laid. That's a perfect setup for a long-term relationship.

BTW, I saw a couple like that last week. They just sat beside each others and didn't talk just watched people. After half-an-hour or so they left (toghether of course). Both seemed like Aspies.

I might also add that it is not at all odd that he previously showed sexual interest, while he didn't do that this time. That's the natural neurodiverse way. Sex comes first, and after that comes attachment, So this guy now have left the contact phase and in his attachment phase, which explains why he no longer is trying to get sexual.

Last edited by rdos on 25 Jun 2014, 4:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

This thread is laughable.

The only thing that is laughable is all this talk about how things must be and what people must do in order to get into relationships.

I'm married and I've never dated in the typical sense, much less have I played the neurotypical courtship game.

Smart thing to do if you want to be sure about things. Wife and me never talked about if we were together or not, rather went straight to engagement some months later.

I think the new atmosphere was uncomfortable for him, and he maybe felt like he did something wrong and he might be confused about everything. He might also feel like the new situation was overwhelming and closed off. feel free to message me on this.

Thing is, if someone asked me out to go to the movie then, I would be intensely watching that movie. Luckily the girl invited herself over and we had a movie at my place. Which was all about getting me to talk. Instead of focussing on the movie. Basics, wine, something small to eat. That was it. The focus time was on her and I knew it. Why else would she come over? Took me a while to realise that after I went to plenty of meetups (meetup.com) That the whole point is to socialise and not really give that much weight to the actual event. The event is important, but more importantly, the people at the event is what you want to get to know. Yes it seems so obvious now, but back then I didn't realise it. And yes, I'm in my 30s.

Comment she makes. She can't read me, she doesn't know what I feel. She doesn't understand why I am aloof. She thinks I'm not interested. Then pulls away, then I think she pulls away and I think it is over. (because nobody talks to each other) Instead if we talk about it, get it out in the open, so that it can be dealt with. We had to go through plenty of insecurities (from both sides). We still have some, but we are dealing with them instead of letting them hang in the air.

I am very cautious because it always feels like I end up being used. So it makes me a sceptic. Being a sceptic also makes it difficult for people to think that I like them when they think I'm treating them like an idiot, when I'm merely formulating my thoughts externally.

I don't like to be shamed, shaming is one of the biggest problems of creating anxiety. Making me aware of my lack of external feelings (facing the world). doesn't mean that I do not have rich internal feelings.

When I get sarcastic, I get very creative with ideas and mock thinking that way. However the alternative personality uses that to their advantage.

Again take into account this is part of my personality and everyone is different. His anxieties could be triggered by something else.

It's laughable because it's kinda can be summed like this...

"Oh, I slept with this guy, he saw me naked and he fiddled my things, but still I am embarrassed to ask him if he wants a relationship".

I mean...come on...

Face_of_Boo:
If this forum is where you seek your daily dose of laughter, I'm happy to provide. May your day be brighter as a result of us laughter-inducing folk.

Don't see what is so peculiar with it. Sex is a contact behavior in neurodiversity, and I see no reason why it cannot be expressed as "fiddling with things" and such. That seems to be one of the most adequate ways of coping with it. Since it is a contact behavior, the presence of it is no guarantee that he wants a relationship, The sign there is if he shows attachment and wants to be with the girl,