Ex Girlfriend With Aspergers Broke Up With Me. Confused.

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886
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20 Jun 2014, 5:16 am

We can all pick apart her reasons of why she did it but it's extremely counter productive. The only way to find out for sure is to ask her and that isn't going to work.

I wasted 2 months of my life trying to figure out what my ex didn't like about me/what I could've done/why it happened etc, it's such a waste. Sometimes you have to live without closure and just learn from the experience, don't blame yourself, don't blame her, just move on.

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JacobV
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05 Jul 2014, 6:36 am

Jay779 wrote:

My ex girlfriend had aspergers syndrome and was diagnosed as a young teenager. We started dating in last year and had a great 9 month long relationship. She had never had a boyfriend before and I was happy to be her first and she seemed to appreciate my supportive nature and my ability to look past her aspergers. We got along perfectly and the relationship was surprisingly one of the best relationships I've ever been in. She was supportive of me and I was supportive of her. We are both full time students(Im 22, she's 20) and we learned to spend the weeks working on school and then devote the weekends to each other. It was a really healthy balanced relationship. However, this summer, I awoke one morning to a text message saying that she was breaking up with me because she didn't think we were right for each other anymore. I thought it was kind of rude for her to be doing this suddenly and over text message, soI tried calling her to discuss her reasoning to work out what problems she thought were occuring in our relationship because I literally saw nothing wrong with our relationship. The day prior to her breaking up with me, she even invited me over to her house to have dinner with her parents, who I had a great relationship with. It was almost as if a light switch just turned off in her head overnight and she wanted out of the relationship. I never saw it coming. Well, she never responded to my phone calls or texts and I haven't heard from her in over 2 months. I still don't know what happened.

I'm probably the only aspie with the balls to say this... most people with Asperger's come off as selfish, fickle, and inconsistent in everything they do except for the things they obsess about. I guess you were not something/someone she obsessed about... even the things we obsess about, we do so for selfish reasons. Maybe you should stop messing with aspie girls (regardless of how young, beautiful, and willing they may seem) and move on to someone who's on your own level.

You wouldn't date someone with Down Syndrome, would you? It's not right... they function on a different level.. they don't understand many things that you do.. it would be tantamount to taking advantage of someone... Why would you date someone with Aspergers when you don't have it?

Thanatos86
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12 Jul 2014, 7:42 pm

JacobV wrote:

Correct!

RightGalaxy
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16 Jul 2014, 7:45 pm

Her parents didn't like you. That's what happened. It wasn't you, her, or the relationship. They said "no" to you and she trusts their judgement.
Most likely, she went against their judgement before and suffered because of it. She hurt her parents and herself - probably over a slimy trickster that wasn't worth it. Now, she's made up her mind to always trust their instincts and feelings because she can't trust her own - due to asperger's.
Accept it and move on. Sometimes parents are keen to see things that we miss because we're young, inexperienced, and drowning in the endorphins that love brings - that goes double when you are on the spectrum. Don't feel bad - it doesn't mean that you're bad - You will eventually find a proper fit - one door shuts and another opens. Be optimistic and focus on yourself and your career. Also and most important - not every person on the spectrum is the same. Take the things that you liked best about this person, remember them and use them as a guide when looking for what you want in a relationship. You're still very young, so build your career first. Best wishes to you!

CrinklyCrustacean
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19 Jul 2014, 1:39 am

JacobV wrote:

You wouldn't date someone with Down Syndrome, would you? It's not right... they function on a different level.. they don't understand many things that you do.. it would be tantamount to taking advantage of someone... Why would you date someone with Aspergers when you don't have it?

That is very hurtful. If you personally don't want to date someone with Asperger's or Down's, then fine, that's your choice, but having those conditions doesn't automatically disqualify them from having a loving relationship with someone who doesn't.

mattschwartz01
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19 Jul 2014, 10:10 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

JacobV wrote:

Yes, love can exist between Aspergers and non

StrangeG
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20 Jul 2014, 3:33 am

JacobV wrote:

I have to disagree with you on this point. Aspergers does not reduce a person's cognitive ability, we just make slightly different connections. I have Aspergers and an IQ somewhere in the top 0.5%. I see my Aspergers more like a superpower than a problem.

Anyone who would treat me as less capable just because I'm slightly odd can go lick a frosty flagpole.

JacobV
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23 Jul 2014, 3:43 pm

mattschwartz01 wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

JacobV wrote:

Yes, love can exist between Aspergers and non

That's like saying love can exist between a 5 year old and a 20 year old... i'm sure somewhere in the world it can exist... but it's still not right.

aspiemike
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23 Jul 2014, 5:56 pm

JacobV wrote:

mattschwartz01 wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

JacobV wrote:

Yes, love can exist between Aspergers and non

That's like saying love can exist between a 5 year old and a 20 year old... i'm sure somewhere in the world it can exist... but it's still not right.

did you just compare NT's who date Aspies to pedophiles?

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JacobV
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23 Jul 2014, 8:07 pm

aspiemike wrote:

JacobV wrote:

mattschwartz01 wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

JacobV wrote:

Yes, love can exist between Aspergers and non

That's like saying love can exist between a 5 year old and a 20 year old... i'm sure somewhere in the world it can exist... but it's still not right.

did you just compare NT's who date Aspies to pedophiles?

no, i'm comparing two groups who are on different social/mental evels.. wether it works or not, there's something wrong about it.

aspiemike
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23 Jul 2014, 8:44 pm

I get what you are saying, I guess the more sensitive way to say it would be "date someone that is on the same wavelength that you are on."

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You are very likely an Aspie

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