So I have a new gf. What now?

Page 2 of 2 [ 24 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

Don_Pedro_Zamacona
Blue Jay

Joined: 19 Apr 2014
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 78

03 Jul 2014, 3:02 pm

AngelRho wrote:

I'd be slow to call it a personality disorder unless you already know that's the case.

A "live-in" situation is just bad. I wouldn't do it. When you don't live together, you have "your stuff" and I have "my stuff." That changes when you move in together. Now it's "our stuff." When things go bad and one of you moves out, that 52-foot LED Jumbotron YOU paid for suddenly grows legs and starts walking. You say it's yours, she says you gave it to her as a gift. Or if you both saved up your pennies and went in together, exactly how do you split it? You can ebay the thing, but now you've only gotten pennies on the dollar for getting your money back. And heaven help you if you agreed to a rent-to-own.

If you get married, that changes everything. When the $#!+ hits the fan, you let a judge decide how to split everything up. But when we get married, what we hope for is that we know the other person well enough and assume we're both good people who won't let life do that to us in the first place. True story: My wife told me she'd considered divorce and bankruptcy at one point. I stomped a mud hole in the bankruptcy idea, told her exactly what I thought about divorce and exactly how easily both our lives would be a living hell if she chose that path. We got married for a reason?let's backtrack a little, work through some things, and come up with a plan to keep going. We've had our moments, married life is NOT easy and NOT for everyone, but we're still best friends and crazy about each other. I don't own anything anymore; WE own everything together. I never see one penny of my paychecks. She gets everything and somehow the lights stay on, fuel stays in the van, and the kids have food and clothes.

AFAIC, cohabitation(live-in relationship without tying the knot)is practice marriage. I would never marry someone or propose to them until we're living together under the same roof and figure out if we get along well enough and how to get along. Not ready to move in jusssssssssst yet but I have no reason to believe that she has BPD or anything like that.

smudge
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

03 Jul 2014, 3:30 pm

Eureka13 wrote:

smudge wrote:

^ How do you spot someone like that? Do they evolve as you get to know them?

It's more like the longer you know them, the less they bother to put on their "normal" mask. One of the early warning signs (that I unfortunately didn't know about at the time) was that "leaping into relationships and pushing the other person to leap, too." They can be incredibly convincing.

So whenever I hear a story like the OP's, I automatically think "RUN AWAY!! !! !"

What if someone tells you they like you too soon? Is that another warning sign? Or if someone talks about moving in together within the first month?

_________________
I've left WP.

Ladywoofwoof
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Mar 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,879

03 Jul 2014, 3:39 pm

smudge wrote:

Eureka13 wrote:

smudge wrote:

^ How do you spot someone like that? Do they evolve as you get to know them?

What if someone tells you they like you too soon? Is that another warning sign? Or if someone talks about moving in together within the first month?

My personal stance to those two questions is

(1) The term "too soon" inherently contains the fact that the rapidity is too much.
Too much of anything is never good.
I guess in this specific instance, it depends on what is meant by "telling you they like you" ... or why you feel like it's too soon for them to be telling you.

(2) Hell yeah. Wanting you to move in with them after a month ? seriously ??
That seems like way too fast a pace, to me.

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,115
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

03 Jul 2014, 4:15 pm

smudge wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Tell her about your current unfortuante financial situation and look/listen carefully how she reacts.

You cynical bas***d. :lol:

You have such a massive thing about women potentially stealing your wallet. What happened?

It's because of YOU smudge, yes YOU!! ! YOU are the one who made me so paranoid about women!! :cry:

But nah, seriously now, my advice would be the same if the genders were reversed. I recalled I advised something similar to a lady who was concerned about a foreigner bf being too hasty about marriage.

Ladywoofwoof
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Mar 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,879

04 Jul 2014, 1:12 pm

Quote:

Tell her about your current unfortuante financial situation and look/listen carefully how she reacts.

It would be a good idea, for sure..
:chin:

This woman could be any degree of nuts, she seems a bit too keen to rush into things.
I'd advise getting to know her a bit better before doing anything major.

I would recommend staying where you are, telling her that you don't have pots of money, not inviting her along to live with you, and see how that goes.

djw2398
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 3 Jul 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: West Virginia

04 Jul 2014, 9:04 pm

Sounds like you are be used, bro. I don't want to jump to conclusions, and I may be wrong, but I've been in a similar situation. She's scared, with a kid on the way, and desperately wants to find someone to take care of her and her kid.

Ladywoofwoof
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 29 Mar 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,879

05 Jul 2014, 1:48 pm

If you start slipping her the dick and (as you seemed very keen on in that sister topic about this) if you make it clear to her that you want to fake being the baby's dad... then don't be too astonished if what she does is write you in as the father on the birth certificate.... which could result in you paying child support when ... ehhh *if* :roll: *coughcough* she leaves you. Which might be quite soon. Of course, some sort of DNA testing could get you off the hook.. but does that all sound like fun or what ?
:chin:

CommanderKeen
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 May 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,138

05 Jul 2014, 2:01 pm

I wasn't in a situation this bad before, however I was in a pretty bad situation. Sometimes you think you know someone and then you findout you were wrong all along. I was bestfriends with a girl for three years, yes three. I knew her in high school, but never really talked to her. Years later we started talking on facebook and it got to the point where we literally talked almost everyday for almost two years. She had a boyfriend whom she was living with when we first started talking. About two months before she brokeup with her boyfriend and he moved out of state to live back with his parents, her and I started to hangout. We eventually started to date and I came to realize she was not this sweet caring person I thought she was. She turned out to be schizophrenic and she was into self harm and all sorts of things. After the breakup, she told me that she was going to make my life hell and turn my friends against me. That never happened, but she did go so far as to recently have another girl contact me on okcupid and try to lure me out to the mall in 90 degree weather and try to embarrass me in public. Actually it may have not even been another girl, it might have been my ex pretending to be someone else. My point is, you need to be careful. obviously you have known this girl in a much shorter time frame than three years.

Page 2 of 2 [ 24 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

So I have a new gf. What now? Post Reply New Topic

So I have a new gf. What now?