Why are strong women seen as the enemy?

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OliveOilMom
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29 Jun 2014, 7:21 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
All that anyone has *ever* been asking, in any of these threads, is that when it *does* cross that line, that it get moderated the same way any other kind of "ism" gets moderated.


If it does cross the line, I believe it does get moderated. There was a guy here a while back who got moderated and then left because he was trying to say that because him and his wife had recently gotten into light BDSM and it was of the D/s variety that he thinks all women want to be submissive because his wife does. He caught holy hell and isn't here any more. There are other instances too of stuff like that, but those threads have been removed when the guy left or was banned. Thats why you don't really see the instances of it being done when some serious s**t is being said. I've been in long and heated threads where the guy was doing the "all women" thing and got nasty and he was gone before you could say ERA. What is left here in the forums is the stuff that doesn't cross the line. It's those guys bitching about their experiences and all.


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29 Jun 2014, 7:22 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
starvingartist wrote:
i think perhaps a more accurate title for this thread, and for you generally, might be "why do i treat strong women as my enemy?"

i personally would be interested in the answer, if you happen to know it.

we all have insecurities, no one is exempt from that, it's the human condition. i just think acting our insecurities out on others is not a productive way for people to deal, nor is it acceptable. antagonism doesn't make you strong--genuine confidence in yourself does: if you found a way to cultivate more of the latter, you may feel your need for the former lessen.


I'm not insecure and I do have genuine confidence. Thats pretty much why I can just blow off what the whiney guys say about "all women in general". I know it's BS and most guys don't feel that way. You never saw me go after one of them on here when they said that sh**? Cause I have, more than once. It does no good and their whining is based on their lack of success with the ladies rather than on sexism. I've tried to help them too, as have many others, but it doesn't work because they refuse to try.

Why not fight actual sexism instead of some perceived sexism online? Join groups that are fighting for womens rights and equality in those middle eastern countries where you could get killed for showing an ankle or driving a car. See what you can do to make your voice heard against female circumcision which actually sometimes happens in this country as well. Stand up for women actually being oppressed and endangered. Support a self defense for women class. Tell other women that standing up for ourselves in situations is probably going to make much more of an impact than having one guy tell another guy they can't say something that upset someone.

I don't see what these guys are saying as sexist. It's not sexism, it's simply whining. That's what got me against this whole thing. If I saw it as actual sexism I'd be behind you on this one. I don't, so I'm not.


I agree with OOM on this one and I find the posts of the whiners to be more humourous than offensive.


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OliveOilMom
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29 Jun 2014, 7:23 pm

I'd also like to hear some examples of how we are backsliding as a society about women's rights. I'm serious, and not looking for an argument. I might disagree with you, but it's nothing to argue about really. If you don't want to put it in this thread, then start another one and if I don't see it please PM me or call my attention to it. You can also PM me and give me the examples if you would rather.


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29 Jun 2014, 9:18 pm

People in general, have a stronger demeanor, or more "independence" than others.
They aren't intimidating. The worst thing that could happen is rejection. :P



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29 Jun 2014, 10:50 pm

I don't care about other people's dating or relationships problems AT ALL. I normally avoid the Love and Dating forum like the plague and only clicked on this because it was on the home page and thought it was in the Women's Only forum. That's it, I'm done.



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29 Jun 2014, 11:18 pm

As a guy Im thinking because we feel intimidated and don't want a constant challenge? I dont view them as enemies just am afraid of them and have to tuck my tail under my legs like a scared dog and hide somewhere. Same reason why I would fear dating a taller woman than myself although there aren't many because im 6 ft 2 I am on alert at times. Short women usually come to me anyway because I make them feel safe and I like that feeling but when that feeling is not there I feel I am useless and do not know what to do as my purpose of being male I feel useless on that regard!


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OliveOilMom
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29 Jun 2014, 11:22 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
As a guy Im thinking because we feel intimidated and don't want a constant challenge? I dont view them as enemies just am afraid of them and have to tuck my tail under my legs like a scared dog and hide somewhere. Same reason why I would fear dating a taller woman than myself although there aren't many because im 6 ft 2 I am on alert at times. Short women usually come to me anyway because I make them feel safe and I like that feeling but when that feeling is not there I feel I am useless and do not know what to do as my purpose of being male I feel useless on that regard!


But we aren't evil or anything. Me and you get along just fine and I'm one of those real ball buster type gals. Folks know exactly where they stand with me usually because of it, and while I don't take s**t from people and certainly voice my opinions on things, I'm always fine with letting the topic go and being friends and having nice discussions about other topics. I'm only scary and a threat if somebody puts their hands on me or somebody I care about.


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29 Jun 2014, 11:31 pm

My guess is that there are a lot of men who feel intimated by women who are bigger and/or stronger than they are. I don't mind. I like being the safest person in the city that I live. People don't see transgendered cave women who are male on the inside as easy or rape-able. That's the way I like it. On the other hand, if you look like Mick Avory, give me a call. :wink:


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29 Jun 2014, 11:47 pm

Some women would perceive strong men as the enemy.People can be intimidated by those more assertive than them,male or female.


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30 Jun 2014, 2:01 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
Why is it seen as a bad thing if a woman is strong enough to stand her ground and take care of herself and she wants to empower other women to do the same? Why do the same women who say "We don't want men to open our car doors for us, we don't need that, we are capable of doing it ourselves and don't need to be treated like glass!" then turn around and say "We need protection from whiners saying words we don't like!"? I really want to know that. I do. I really do.


Because people are differently. The point of feminism is to free yourself of gender roles, anyway if you are male or female. That does not mean that you HAVE TO put on you a new forced gender role, but that nowadays, its simply ok to be the person that you are. So its totally ok if you dont feel into that "door open stuff"... as a man or a woman, just as it is ok if you feel ok. "WE dont want ..." simply is the same rude stuff, that was done before, forcing someone elses oppinion on everyone. Its simply about "I dont want..." nowadays. :)

There are some women and men feeling totally well with the old gender stereo types, and as long as they dont force it on anyone, thats totally ok. Just as there are women and men feeling totally well, with being able to go for new gender roles they like. The thing is, that you simply should find the people, that are fitting for you. Some women may like a guy to step in for her, if she gets harassed with rude words in a conversation, and some guys may like to play the "knight" for her. As long as they agree on that and feel comfortable with it, why should they not do so? Just like my partner feels fine, with me not feeling that way, but standing my ground on my own. He says it gives him a better feeling, that I can defend myself as well, when I am without him. So we feel comfortable about that, so why should we not do so.

Freeing yourself of forced gender roles, means that there is not anymore a "WE want..." but instead you are now allowed to be the individual that you are and proudly say, what YOU want for yourself. And because of us all being humans, its totally normal that this might be different from something someone else wants, anyway if same gender or not.



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30 Jun 2014, 2:26 am

Look at me mods! I am crossing the line!

Image



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30 Jun 2014, 3:00 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
Why is it seen as a bad thing if a woman is strong enough to stand her ground and take care of herself and she wants to empower other women to do the same?


This is speculation, but I'd guess it's because a man who has been brought up to do the gentlemanly things, not out of sexism but out of courtesy, suddenly finds himself without a role to fill and also feeling that the approach of, "I don't need that attitude thanks very much, that's sexist!" is basically invalidating his honest attempts to do the right thing. Of course he's going to feel threatened.

OliveOilMom wrote:
Why do the same women who say "We don't want men to open our car doors for us, we don't need that, we are capable of doing it ourselves and don't need to be treated like glass!" then turn around and say "We need protection from whiners saying words we don't like!"? I really want to know that. I do. I really do.


I don't know.



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30 Jun 2014, 3:17 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
As a guy Im thinking because we feel intimidated and don't want a constant challenge? I dont view them as enemies just am afraid of them and have to tuck my tail under my legs like a scared dog and hide somewhere. Same reason why I would fear dating a taller woman than myself although there aren't many because im 6 ft 2 I am on alert at times. Short women usually come to me anyway because I make them feel safe and I like that feeling but when that feeling is not there I feel I am useless and do not know what to do as my purpose of being male I feel useless on that regard!


But we aren't evil or anything. Me and you get along just fine and I'm one of those real ball buster type gals. Folks know exactly where they stand with me usually because of it, and while I don't take sh** from people and certainly voice my opinions on things, I'm always fine with letting the topic go and being friends and having nice discussions about other topics. I'm only scary and a threat if somebody puts their hands on me or somebody I care about.


I relate more to a fox though, but I am skidish and will run. I look big and tough, and while I could probably hold down or hurt some women(I'm not super strong no gym for me) I am not able to do such things. Its against my code of ethics and morals. this does leave me rather defenseless to a point against women. Add in I'm submissive mostly and I tend to be fearful of indpendent strong willed women. They are likely to dominate me. after seeing what horrible stuff one has done to my brother it concerns me.

it does seem women like you would be into men like me though, so I suppose I'm safe.

as for the opening doors and such . I was raised that its the polite thing to do. I hold doors open for guys too. I do not open car doors for guys though. though really I've only opened a car door for a date a few times. its generally faster. as the passenger door is closest, so I can open it while unlocking mine then close it after she's in and go around to get in my door.



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30 Jun 2014, 3:24 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Why is it seen as a bad thing if a woman is strong enough to stand her ground and take care of herself and she wants to empower other women to do the same?


This is speculation, but I'd guess it's because a man who has been brought up to do the gentlemanly things, not out of sexism but out of courtesy, suddenly finds himself without a role to fill and also feeling that the approach of, "I don't need that attitude thanks very much, that's sexist!" is basically invalidating his honest attempts to do the right thing. Of course he's going to feel threatened.

OliveOilMom wrote:
Why do the same women who say "We don't want men to open our car doors for us, we don't need that, we are capable of doing it ourselves and don't need to be treated like glass!" then turn around and say "We need protection from whiners saying words we don't like!"? I really want to know that. I do. I really do.


I don't know.


Crinkly, I don't have any problems with men opening doors or holding my chair or my coat or any of those things. That's not what I meany by being strong. Displaying manners and graciously accepting other peoples manners doesn't make you not strong. My definition of strong women were women who don't take s**t from people and who stand up for themselves and defend themselves and refuse to see themselves as victims or potential victims. Also, ones who can differentiate between an perceived threat "Looking good baby!" said from a guy on a scaffold, or an offer to help change your flat tire and an actual threat - guy following you, body language and facial expression and tone, overall situation, etc.

I think one of the things that make many feminists mad about strong women is that those like me are proponents of personal responsibility. Also of not blowing things out of proportion. Like the huge offense that many take to simple traditional manners that men display sometimes toward women. It's not a ploy to make us dependent on them again and throw us back in the kitchen and birthing rooms.

When a woman who has pretty much made all harrassment and fear of men in her own life come to a grinding halt, and has done so by dealing with the situations on an individual basis, rather than wanting to legislate and regulate and demonize everybody in the process, we are seen as a problem to the movement. I remember one of the things the women's movement used to talk about was feeling safe walking down the street. I agree that it's important and because of my efforts I feel safe walking down almost any street. I don't let men walk all over me and I don't sit back and let ridiculous opinions of sexist people go unchallanged. I thought that was what we were supposed to do, base feminism on strength of character, will, and mind, rather than on fear and personal feelings. Maybe I'm just stuck in the early days of it when we had something to fight to get, which we did get.


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30 Jun 2014, 3:38 am

sly279 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
As a guy Im thinking because we feel intimidated and don't want a constant challenge? I dont view them as enemies just am afraid of them and have to tuck my tail under my legs like a scared dog and hide somewhere. Same reason why I would fear dating a taller woman than myself although there aren't many because im 6 ft 2 I am on alert at times. Short women usually come to me anyway because I make them feel safe and I like that feeling but when that feeling is not there I feel I am useless and do not know what to do as my purpose of being male I feel useless on that regard!


But we aren't evil or anything. Me and you get along just fine and I'm one of those real ball buster type gals. Folks know exactly where they stand with me usually because of it, and while I don't take sh** from people and certainly voice my opinions on things, I'm always fine with letting the topic go and being friends and having nice discussions about other topics. I'm only scary and a threat if somebody puts their hands on me or somebody I care about.


I relate more to a fox though, but I am skidish and will run. I look big and tough, and while I could probably hold down or hurt some women(I'm not super strong no gym for me) I am not able to do such things. Its against my code of ethics and morals. this does leave me rather defenseless to a point against women. Add in I'm submissive mostly and I tend to be fearful of indpendent strong willed women. They are likely to dominate me. after seeing what horrible stuff one has done to my brother it concerns me.

it does seem women like you would be into men like me though, so I suppose I'm safe.

as for the opening doors and such . I was raised that its the polite thing to do. I hold doors open for guys too. I do not open car doors for guys though. though really I've only opened a car door for a date a few times. its generally faster. as the passenger door is closest, so I can open it while unlocking mine then close it after she's in and go around to get in my door.


Honestly, I prefer a guy who is my equal on the holding his own end of things. I ended up with a guy who isn't exactly like that but can put the fear of God into somebody, although he doesn't have what it takes to back it up. He can and will also do the heavy lifting. I like a man who is stronger than me and bigger than me, and who can actually rein me in when I go way over the line, and that's hard to do. I like my man to have more balls than I do, but my husband really doesn't for the most part. I don't want him submissive at all, but I do want him to act right and let me handle what I handle best and for him to be responsible and handle what he handles best. I've dated guys who I completely overshadow in that department and it's just not it for me. No offense.


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30 Jun 2014, 4:04 am

(Sits in the corner listening intently whilst eating popcorn.)
8O


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