What are you looking for in a man?

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nyxjord
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25 Jul 2014, 9:27 am

For me 1) Intelligence/ Nerdiness are a must
2) Someone who actually listens/ respects/ supports me
3) Looks are whatever... Both my fiance and myself are not in the best of shape but it's whatever.
4) Someone who is socially awkward/ has AS tendencies.
Basically, someone who is really similar to me (Similarities are what we are really attracted to).


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CockneyRebel
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26 Jul 2014, 5:07 pm

A woman. I'm Gay.


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Halfmadgenius
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27 Jul 2014, 12:41 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
These are the things that I really must have in a male romantic partner:

1. Must be wicked intelligent.
2. Must have a steady temper.
3. Must have an offbeat sense of humor to match mine.
4. Must be willing (and able) to be utterly at ease (i.e., be himself) with me, as well as allowing me to be myself in his presence.
5. There must be physical chemistry between us. This is truly about chemistry - pheromones - not about physical attractiveness.
6. We must be mostly philosophically aligned - religion, ethics, politics, etc. 100% match is not necessary, but agreement on some crucial (to me) issues is.
7. It would be ideal to share one or more common interests.


Pretty much this. Except instead of steady temper I'd prefer no temper. Angry people frighten me.



Eureka13
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27 Jul 2014, 1:37 pm

Halfmadgenius wrote:
Eureka13 wrote:
These are the things that I really must have in a male romantic partner:

1. Must be wicked intelligent.
2. Must have a steady temper.
3. Must have an offbeat sense of humor to match mine.
4. Must be willing (and able) to be utterly at ease (i.e., be himself) with me, as well as allowing me to be myself in his presence.
5. There must be physical chemistry between us. This is truly about chemistry - pheromones - not about physical attractiveness.
6. We must be mostly philosophically aligned - religion, ethics, politics, etc. 100% match is not necessary, but agreement on some crucial (to me) issues is.
7. It would be ideal to share one or more common interests.


Pretty much this. Except instead of steady temper I'd prefer no temper. Angry people frighten me.


Exactly. You said it better than I did. I can NOT deal with hotheaded people who fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. "Patient and even-tempered" might be a better description. :)



dancingchatot
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27 Jul 2014, 3:46 pm

I agree with Eureka13 and Halfmadgenius. No pissy hotheaded men. Other things I like in a man.
-No tall guys (5' 9" and over) I'm 5' 1" tall. I don't like feeling like a man's dolly next to him.
-Must not have or want children. He has to say it because thats what he wants.
-Accepts me for me and doesn't try to change me. I'm not going under the knife for you.
-Loves to hug and snuggle. I like it when a man hugs me around the waist from behind
-No racial fetishes. I'm mixed race. I don't want a man who's with me because he thinks I'll act a certain way.



Cafeaulait
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27 Jul 2014, 5:13 pm

dancingchatot wrote:
I agree with Eureka13 and Halfmadgenius. No pissy hotheaded men. Other things I like in a man.
-Loves to hug and snuggle. I like it when a man hugs me around the waist from behind
-No racial fetishes. I'm mixed race. I don't want a man who's with me because he thinks I'll act a certain way.


Agreed.



sly279
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28 Jul 2014, 6:51 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
ambitious, intelligent, confident and sociable, attractive (And trust me I'm not talking about having model looks - they just have to do it for me), tall, not grossly obese or too thin.

Now that the superficial is out of the way, they have to click with me.


lots of women on okc and cl post the attractive part. how is a guy suppose to know if he is attractive to you or not. I just assume they mean what society says is attractive, which has been my experience. so I hid their profile and move on.

so how is a guy suppose to know?



kraftiekortie
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28 Jul 2014, 6:52 pm

By meeting the woman.



BetwixtBetween
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28 Jul 2014, 7:21 pm

Quote:
I am curious, what do you ladies look for in a man *primarily heterosexual and bisexual women* Do you seek confidence, a man who is responsible and doesn't beat around the bush? A man who is mature and serious all the time? A man who just respects you and acknowledges you for you? I would like to see your imput although I am an aspie and 90% of the responses will be from aspies, I always like to learn something new for sure as everyone has different preferences and tastes and such.


1. Must love dogs. I've always had dogs in my life. I learned to walk clinging to the fur of my family's dog when I was a baby. I like most dogs more than I like most people.

2. He needs to respect women. I am a woman. He needs to respect me. There is no reason for me not to have this expectation met. I don't go around bashing men, making men feel bad about themselves for their appearance, or making men feel inferior simply for being men.
3. He needs to support me. Not financially, but he needs to encourage me and have my back. My friends and family know they can count on me for support and encouragement when they need it.
4 He needs to be up front and honest. I am autistic, so it goes even farther than what most people mean when they say this.
5. He at least needs enough confidence to approach me.
6. He needs to have things he's passionate about.
7. He needs to get along with my friends. I don't have very many, and I don't hang out with the ones I do have all that often, but there is a reason we're friends in the first place.
8. He needs to have an even temper. He can't get angry at the drop of a hat. I have no clue how to deal with that.
9. He needs to not follow me around yelling at me when he's angry. I don't know why anybody does this, but people do. It isn't just something that happens to me. It's happened to NT friends. They yell back. If you want to have a discussion about a problem with me or debate something with me, fine, but give me time to prepare my side in advance.

Bonus points:
If the things he's passionate about are things I'm also passionate about.



hale_bopp
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29 Jul 2014, 5:52 am

sly279 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
ambitious, intelligent, confident and sociable, attractive (And trust me I'm not talking about having model looks - they just have to do it for me), tall, not grossly obese or too thin.

Now that the superficial is out of the way, they have to click with me.


lots of women on okc and cl post the attractive part. how is a guy suppose to know if he is attractive to you or not. I just assume they mean what society says is attractive, which has been my experience. so I hid their profile and move on.

so how is a guy suppose to know?


Well, it doesn't help that the internet is a sh*t way to meet people..
And like that other person said, they meet them and see if they click.



sly279
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29 Jul 2014, 7:54 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
sly279 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
ambitious, intelligent, confident and sociable, attractive (And trust me I'm not talking about having model looks - they just have to do it for me), tall, not grossly obese or too thin.

Now that the superficial is out of the way, they have to click with me.


lots of women on okc and cl post the attractive part. how is a guy suppose to know if he is attractive to you or not. I just assume they mean what society says is attractive, which has been my experience. so I hid their profile and move on.

so how is a guy suppose to know?


Well, it doesn't help that the internet is a sh*t way to meet people..
And like that other person said, they meet them and see if they click.


most want a picture before messaging too much. generally once they see it they stop. the ones who talk with me for a while first then ask for a picture tend to stay around longer.

what does clicking(liking each others personality and getting along) have to do with physical attraction.



BetwixtBetween
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29 Jul 2014, 10:07 pm

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what does clicking(liking each others personality and getting along) have to do with physical attraction.


It can have everything to do with it. There's a reason people say "love is blind."

If you really really click with the other person (ex: you finally found someone just as interested in butter molds or dog breeds or whatever as you are), then you're more likely to focus on their attractive physical attributes, or romanticize their appearance.

One of my frinds, about a year before she met her husband who is the exact same height she is, swore she could never love someone under 6'2" tall. She's 5'11". But he was perfect for her. They had the same taste in how they liked to spend their free time, they liked to talk about the same sorts of things, they like the same foods, they like the same level of physical activity, they share a lot of the same political beliefs, and so on. They mesh really well. She has no regrets about him being the same height. None.

I can think of lots of other examples involving bald men, men with a bit of extra weight, men with and without facial hair, and so on.



sly279
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30 Jul 2014, 1:47 am

Well they look at my picture and ignore me so the whole meeting and seeing if they like doesn't even happen as they are unwilling to go the that step unless they have physical atraction



ElsaFlowers
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30 Jul 2014, 1:10 pm

sly279 wrote:
Well they look at my picture and ignore me so the whole meeting and seeing if they like doesn't even happen as they are unwilling to go the that step unless they have physical atraction

Those women are not worth it. Are you talking about dating sites? If those women on there are anything like the men on there most of them have unrealistically high expectations.

Not all women agree with what is generally considered attractive and I agree with what BetwixtBetween said about someone becoming more attractive once you get to know them and like what's inside. To give yourself a better chance though would it be possible you could get a better picture? If like me you are not very photogenic, perhaps the picture you are using doesn't show you to your best :)



hurtloam
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30 Jul 2014, 2:48 pm

I want someone easy going. Someone who doesn't make me wonder if they are in the right mood before I strike up a conversation with them. I don't want to be walking on eggshells around them.



lotusblossom
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30 Jul 2014, 4:38 pm

someone thick skinned who likes rude, stroppy, middleaged women.