sex and AS--performance anxiety

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Penis size issues are quite silly.

My lover is on the small side of average and it's the best sex I've ever had. He KNOWS what to do. I did get a bit annoyed with his whinging about it, but he's finally stopped.

As for the sex and PE issues... I'm afraid only time and HIS willingness to experiment will make a difference. If he's not willing to work on it in a spirit of fun then things will only get worse.

If he's not willing to go down on you, that's a serious red flag. And I'd say move on. I wish I had.

http://www.webmd.com/men/tc/premature-e ... c-overview

http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/3 ... 4511989863

^ What a theory!

This is a truth that many women would attest to:

It's not the meat, it's the motion.

I've seen guys with big penises put women in the hospital because they don't know what they're doing.

The average penis is not 7-9 inches! It's closer to 6 inches.

I have an average penis in length, and perhaps a little below average in width. I know how to satisfy a lady. Size has no impact upon that ability. You have to know what you're doing. The women has to want to "help" as well, in a physiological sense She plays a role in allowing the penis to penetrate deep enough to hit the so-called "g" spot. Once a man is able to feel the vagina "grabbing" and "enveloping" the penis, he knows that the lady WANTS him.

Then there's the clitoris. You could have a 1-inch penis, and still be able to bring a lady to orgasm. You just have to learn to be artful when it comes to titillating the clitoris. It's very sensitive in ladies--and if you are not artful, it becomes a big turn-off for the lady. Basically, you have to be very gentle.

What really helps, in my opinion, is for both partners to be totally turned on to each other; that offsets many of the other "problems" which might be experienced in making love.

Oh my! A lively penis length discussion has ensued!

Regarding length--the poster who is worried about his size should not. Please consider the woman's...size. As in, a petite woman would be thrilled with a 5/6 incher as more would hurt, while a 5'10 and "big and beautiful" female friend of mine, who describes herself as a "two car garage down there," needs at least 7 or 8.
I am slender and 5'5 and a man above 7in just does not fit in me no matter what (unless he is willing to hear me yelp "ow" all through sex).

Someone suggested that my bf's not being currently willing to go down on me as being a red flag--I am not sure. He is so damn self conscious that being faced with THAT may scare him (as in, what to do!). I think he would get there in more ways than one.

how does someone know what to do with it without having experience?
a common response is well a small penis is ok if the guy knows how to use it right.
only having had sex once I can say I don't know if I did it right or not. o.O
is it some kind of DNA incoded knowledge that some guys are born with and others not?



idk most seem to say that a guy with a pencil size penis won't do anything. I imagine they mean the think thumb sized ones as I've never seen pencil size. such a guy wouldn't would be as the women say " hotdog in a hallway."

what about the A spot?

well as I am barely likely to get a big and beautiful woman(whos extra fat can cause it to be wider I hear o.O) this is a concern for me. I a perfect world I would end up with a petite woman or asian. which would be cool in more ways then sex. I am 6'3-4" I would love to be able to pick my love up I have heard its a turn on for women too.
I am above average on width,so at least there's that. that can also be a problem for petite women though.

I don't see it as a red flag myself I use to be super germaphobic, so I use to see the ideal of licking a woman down there as EWWWWWWWW. about 2 years ago tough when I was in love with a lady far away. I began to transition to fantasizing about it.

perahaps he can move slowly to it. start with touching you down there and then other stuff. I would certainly need to go slowly about it as too fast would cause anxiety and could push me back towards finding it disgusting which would be sad. me and maybe him could be worried about that too. like if i get a gf and for some reason can't do it how will she feel, probably rejected. I wouldn't want to make her feel that way. I don't know if I suggested it but there is also toys.
do hope you two can work together to solve the problems

It's not the "spot" that matters. It's the love the man puts into making love to his lady.

Experience is the best teacher, really. When I was in my 20's, I was green to the gills about making love to women.

If a man has a "micropenis," like that found in some genetic disorders, there are other ways to satisfy a woman in a penis-like manner--not to mention the use of the tongue, the hands, and maybe even the feet (in a British movie once, which wasn't a porno movie, a woman with multiple sclerosis actually used a man's foot to satisfy her desires).

I have an average-sized penis, but I have small hands; and I've been able to drive women wild by the use of my hands in lieu of the penis. You have to do it right, though; if done right, you could penetrate up to your wrist. Using that method, all "spots" are covered! You have to let the women (her vagina/pelvis, rather) pull your hand in, rather than force the hand inside yourself. If you force the hand inside yourself, disaster ensues.

Baconessa I also belong to a group dealing with sexless marriages. The number one consistent red flag among people who end up in sexless marriages is that their partners are reluctant or refuse to engage in oral sex. I'm not saying it's a definite, but from long and painful experience this is something that I would run from like the plague.

Have you mentioned it to him? If he reacts with disgust that's a bad, bad sign. A guy who likes it will want to eat it. (Sorry for the crudeness). If he's enthusiastic but a bit worried about doing it wrong, then give it a shot.

I worried myself a long time about pushing my aspie boyfriend (now husband) too hard in the sex stakes. I didn't want to pressure him thinking he'd come around. He didn't. Not really. He has NEVER given me oral sex. Do not end up where I am.

Inexperience is one thing. Reluctance and excuse making is another. If you want a decent sex life you have to be with someone who really wants to engage with sex.

It's unfortunate: but some guys think "going down on a girl" is somehow putting him in a submissive position.

For an Aspergian, all the feelings combined tend to become overwhelming. I know it was for me at the start.

For aggressive, "macho" guys, oral loving frequently only involves the women "going down" on the man.

If one's inexperienced in "going down," it's pretty awkward for all concerned. It take time and patience. The guy (and the girl) have to have some knowledge of the anatomy down there. Otherwise, he's just doing things at random. That's what I used to do--do things at random--until I eventually became experienced enough and knowledgeable enough to do it properly. I was taught in a loving way by various women.

My ex was like that too you know. But he had already had plenty of sexual experience. What helped was that I took the initiative the most and gave him very clear instructions about what I liked and what I didn´t like. Also, giving him compliments was really effective. Just keep the sexual experience ´light´. Don´t be afraid to talk or make and say something funny during it.
That´s what made my ex comfortable with me.

Really???

As a woman who's had the pleasure of aggressive 'macho' guys - e.g. rugby players, that has not been my experience at all. But as a man, I guess you'd know better.

I suppose giving oral sex could be seen as submissive by some and you can include it in submissive play, but frankly the person giving is the one who is really in control.

I don't care how much you guys defend those who don't dine downtown. For me, it's a red flag. I don't want a lover who thinks "ewwww" I want one who thinks "mmmmmm"

I didn't imply that all "aggressive-macho" guys think the position is submissive--obviously not!

But I've spoken to some of these guys, and that's the input I've gotten.

I would not testify in court that "all aggressive-macho guys believe going down on a woman is a submissive position."

I'm glad you were able to derive exquisite pleasure from those rugby players.

I'm the type of guy that goes MMMMMM, by the way

well what if they find it disgusting do to disorder, or what if the lady taste bad?
from what I hear most women in the us don't give oral. I wouldn't let such a thing determine potential relationship. more to love then sex and a relationship shouldn't be built on sex. but if a lady runs away due to not being able to give oral or bad sex then that tells me she isn't a kind caring woman. I wouldn't want to be with such a woman anyways.

what if the guy loved you with all he had, but he just couldn't give oral?


kraftiekortie,
what if a person has a really short tongue ?
its why part of why french kissing isn't good for me.

There are ways to compensate for the short tongue. You have to go in deeper. LOL

honestly, the only guys i've known who respond to female genitals with "ewwww" are gay. i'm speaking here of their response to female genitals in general, and not a specific person with bad hygiene. also, it's not like there are no guys out there who seem unfamiliar with the concepts of soap, toothpaste, and deodorant--but that fact doesn't turn me off blowjobs in general, it just means i wouldn't blow a guy who didn't wash himself regularly.

i wouldn't date any guy who was against oral sex because he was generally grossed out by p****. would you date a woman who thought your dick was nasty, not because you don't wash but on principle? i'm going to guess not.