What is a relationship like?

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Wow, that's awful you had such a traumatic experience. I hope you're able to overcome your anxiety issues soon. It's good your not letting the anxiety keep you from doing what you want (dating). Anxiety only gets worse if you give it credence.

Another poster on this thread -- Azereiah-- also dated someone with BPD. I wonder how common the Borderline-Aspergers couple is.

I have no clue. I have never had a relationship, and cannot even fathom what one would be like.

I'd say it's a little more common than an NT-Borderline couple.
People with Asperger's Syndrome tend to be very trusting and literal, which leaves us wide open to manipulation.

Of course, all the Aspies I know have had very impressive memories when it comes to this kind of thing, and I know that I personally have learned enough from my bad relationships to know exactly what constitutes manipulation.

That's good you've learned from it about manipulation and how to detect and avoid it in the future! Sounds like you current relationship is going well, so that's a step in a better direction for sure.

Well one can try to describe it in various ways and with flowery words, but it also could be described like this:

I hung around with the other cave men, doing cave man things, but was most fascinated by the cave women. When the perfect one came along I went over and knocked her out and dragged her back to my cave. Then we lived happily ever after.

I think with what happened to Robin Williams has really helped me get through it at least for now. I realize that it was no coincidence that I ended up in that relationship and I take responsibility for ignoring the signs. I believe it goes back to being constantly rejected and humiliated as a teenager and my "rescuer" personality. I am on medication for now but I hope to be off it soon once I get established.


I would say it is very common due to our self-esteem issues. I found Shari Schreiber (http://www.gettinbetter.com) pretty much spelled out what was going on in my life word for word. She really helped me to understand why I ended up in that situation and more importantly, why I feel so uncomfortable around a normal, decent woman like the one I am dating now. To quote a counselor I talked to about her lack of communication "yeah, that's how ALL normal women behave in a relationship!" To quote her, I was "low hanging fruit" that was ripe for the BPD picking and most "normal" guys with healthy respect would have ran for the hills. I was desperate for a Girlfriend and let the first person who expressed romantic/sexual interest in me blind me. Go figure that she had a long history of guys running from her. Wonder why.

She is decent person with a lot of good qualities (like most BPD individuals) but refuses to seek help or admit how destructive she can be when she rages. As my parents kept telling me over and over "get rid of her. She will NEVER change and will eventually ruin your life." They knew what they were talking about. I look back and shake my head about how I ignored what were obviously loud alarms going off. What's worse is that even after she did something unforgivable, I STILL stayed with her. Even though it's not their fault, all BPD's I have met are simply dangerous. She has NO IDEA how destructive she is and why she fails over and over again in all aspects of life even after I pointed it out again and again. Until you have been in the situation, you cannot fully appreciate how manipulative and crazy a BPD really is. Lest you think I am stereotyping, all BPDs I have met follow the exact same script to the point I can easily spot and avoid them now.

I have started to get off topic but to reassure the OP, when a relationship goes well (and it did at first) it is amazing beyond words. It inspired me to get a better man and felt a sense of inner peace that went right down to my very soul. Unfortunately, it did not last but I believe with the right woman I will feel it once again. Just be very cautious that it's far better to live in isolation than deal with what I did. Extracting myself from that relationship was probably the single hardest thing I have ever done because I desperately tried to recapture the "honeymoon" phase and the incredible feelings that resulted.

That's all really insightful. Yeah, I think my asking about BDP-Aspie couples should be on a new thread. I'm going to make a new thread

But writing a little here anyway:
It's nice to hear that you're recovering! Also, it sounds like you have people around you who really love you, like your parents, who were concerned for your happiness and warned you of her behavior toward you being damaging.

Coincidentally (as Borderline relationships were mentioned twice in this thread), I have mild BPD. I'll say more about it on a new thread, but yeah? it's a fistful of crazy! I was never as severe as the stereotypes (I never cut, for instance), and I recognized my issues early on and have worked very hard to overcome them, including years and years of therapy, taking just about every med out there (none worked for me, but hey-- I tried!), and reading countless self-help books. Technically, I no longer meet the criteria for BPD, but I still have the tendencies/a leaning toward BPD, so I consider myself mild BPD. I've come a long way, but have further to go before I function in a consistently harmonious way.

And yes, I understand completely-- it is *very* hard for other people to deal with in a romantic relationship, and it's not fair to the other person at all. I hope eventually your ex-girlfriend recognizes her issues and begins to work on self-improvement.

And thank you for posting this link, by the way! Great link! Been reading through it.