Falling in love with a best friend

Post Reply New Topic

I spent most of my Thursday with her. I always love seeing her and we did have a great time, wandering around and eating dinner at this awesome Malaysian restaurant. I didn't hesitate to get physical with her. I started by just rubbing her back, which she seemed to enjoy. Then, I took her hand and she responded well to that... so, I went for the kiss. She seemed surprised and did not want me to kiss her. She made a pretty ambiguous comment: "I don't really know what I want... I should probably figure that out!".

I didn't let it phase me and she remained warm and cuddly toward me, despite being unwilling to kiss me. So, we kind of just cuddled by the waterfront, for several hours. I was just plain drunk on being close to her. Now that we've parted ways, I'm feeling pretty mixed up. Not devastated, not absolutely crushed, but it does hurt. I don't know what to do next. She's so hot and cold toward me and this same pattern keeps playing out, over and over. Where she is lusty and passionate and I just can't keep her off me; then, the next time we meet, she has her defenses up and I can barely seem to get through...

None of this is making any sense to me. Thanks for your replies and advice, goldfish. I'll respond to what you've said, after some sleep. I can't even think straight, right now...

Aaaah, Banana Leaf, eh?

I don't have the sssaaame roller coaster to deal with, as there is no hot and not really any cold either. I did get to see my crush for a moment a couple nights ago.. was supposed to be a bit of a hangout and visit, but he was exhausted and needed sleeeeep.. so, I consider myself lucky that he did come out just to say hi & give me a *hug* goodnight since he said he wasn't even going to come outside because he was falling asleep. Usually if he says he's exhausted and going to sleep there's no way he'd set foot outside even for a minute, so I consider it a good sign that he did. I was hoping for a bit of a hangout so that I could drop a comment about still being interested just to gauge his response.. but I won't do that until there's an appropriate moment to do so, and that hasn't happened yet. Ah well, all in due time. At least I got a couple of nice *hugs*. Mmmmmaaaaaaaybe I'll go see him tonight where he works if I'm not too tired - mmmaaaaybe.. I very rarely go there these days because I haven't wanted to be annoying w/ my crush, but I haven't annoyed him w/ that for over a year, soooo mmmmmaybe I'll go there tonight and hang out for a bit and see if there's an appropriate moment to say what I want to and see how he reacts.

Aaaaw, you can't think straight.. lol, I can't do anything straight.

Yeah, that's the one! I'm definitely going back, it's amazing!!

To be honest, I'm feeling pretty much done with this emotional roller coaster! I know she's confused about a lot of things and as I am, is focused on the future and finding her way in life. She's wonderful and I'm not just gonna throw her away, but this has to end. This cycle I'm stuck in is tearing me down and detracting from the rest of my life. I feel sick to my stomach and to let this go on is just plain obscene!! ! Why am I allowing myself to feel this horrible? Does it make sense to feel like a champion in several arenas of life and then like an utter failure, in another?

I miss having a connection and romance in my life, that is not ambiguous in nature. I want to find someone who is as eager and thrilled to be with me, as I with her. That's not crazy at all, it is something that every human being deserves to have. Maybe I'll post up a personal ad. To my surprise, I've recently heard several success stories about personals.

I hope your situation turns in the direction you want it to and doesn't end up with you getting horribly hurt. Your last comment literally made me lol! You're a cool guy and I respect your outlook and approach to life. Best wishes to you!!

I did read most of your story about your detox and healing, but it's a bit much to take in right now.

I'm gonna back off from this thread now, because I need to stop putting so much weight on this situation and putting that weight on the barbell, instead!!

Thanks to everyone who replied!! !

Banana Leaf = good stuff. A bit on the pricey side, buuut, you get what you pay for.

I hear ya on being done with the roller coaster - in theory. I mean, it'd be great to have an answer one way or the other.. but I think we both know love doesn't work like that and chances are you'll continue to voluntarily ride the coaster for as long as it takes to get things sorted out. And while my situation isn't identical, I feel ya on the champion vs. failure thing too.. there are some things in life I've been absolutely nailing and feeling very accomplished about, and then there's my crush that I still haven't been able to "win," as in convert it from a crush to a relationship.. however, I don't feel like an utter failure with it. Perhaps a year or so ago, but lately our friendship is better.

Personal ads can be a great way to get a date/meet someone/get laid if that's what you're after, but I've found that whenever I meet someone new all I end up doing is comparing them to my crush and justifying all the reasons I couldn't see myself with them because, well, I still have my crush on my crush. Mmmmaybe you'll deal with the same thing, maybe you'll meet someone you click with better - only way to find out is to try and see.

Mmmhmm; thank you. It can't go horribly wrong. We've had discussions in the past and worst case scenario we'll remain close friends. I did see him last night for a couple hours at one of his work places. There wasn't an appropriate time to make any comments about my crush on him to gauge his reaction these days, but it was a very nice hangout & I did get him to agree to keep in touch over the next week or two and plan a proper hangout. Progress.. bit by bit. In my dream world we'd hangout more and more often until his family are all like "why aren't you guys dating?" Time will tell.. it's been a few years or so now, for anyone else I'd have hopped off the roller coaster of maybes a long time ago - but - for him? I'll wait and see.

Do finish reading the detox & healing thread. Then feel free to get in touch via pm if you like.