Consequences in "why to ask first"

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i think the accuser has already stated that she's not planning to press charges--she likely knows there would be no point as there is no physical evidence after this much time has passed. i don't think the cops consider panic attacks and other forms of psychological trauma as actual evidence of a crime like this....though perhaps they should. i don't know if you've ever had a panic attack, but it would be difficult to fake them i think just to get "satisfaction" from accusing someone of something they didn't do. so unless this woman is a highly manipulative psychopath, i think it's fair to give her the benefit of the doubt.

if you've ever had to deal with disclosing being a victim of sexual assault to friends and family you might understand why it's not something that women do lightly or easily, which is why false accusations don't happen more than they do. when i told my girlfriends what happened to me, two of them stopped speaking to me--i assume because they thought i was a slut and deserved it, but i'll never know for sure their reasoning as they never actually told me (cowards) but instead just stopped talking to me or taking my calls and mocked me to our other shared acquaintances. lots of people seem to think that when women come out as being survivors of sexual assault everyone around them just heaps sympathy on them--this is just not an accurate description of what happens for many survivors. often there is a lot of questioning and blaming of the victim for what happened to them. my own step-brother's response to me telling him i was raped at 18 was "well you know, 18 year old girls can be very naive."

"yes, i was raped" is not a phrase women toss around carelessly for the sake of vengeance or for sympathy. sometimes just stating a truth out loud--especially an uncomfortable truth--can be liberating. this often can be reason enough for women to decide to talk about what happened to them. so unless you're a survivor of sexual assault yourself and have some idea of what this woman might be thinking, i don't think it's very fair to judge how or why she's chosen to disclose her story.

If there's no evidence, the case should simply be dropped, it's wrong to vilify someone that may not be able to read signals and perhaps he is declined socially so I think a certain amount of empathy should be taken into the court room unless he physically forced himself upon the girls whilst they were screaming no, signals can be subtle.

you may want to reword your comment, as it sounds an awful lot like you're saying being socially awkward is an excuse to get away with raping someone. i'm not even going to address your comment about physical force being necessary for it to "really be rape" because

I'm more worried about Social Justice Warriors bringing social organizations to their knees based on pure hearsay. It's f*****g disgusting how they feel it's okay to ruin a man's life because he MIGHT have done something unsavory - nobody knows the details but he's already ostracized and from what I've read she never was in any position where she couldn't say no - to sex they never had.

Zoe Quinn more recently, who paraded herself as a champion of social justice, was found to forge harassment claims for the release of a new game. When this was brought to light, Warriors from every which way have sent death threats and harassed those criticizing her very unprofessional behavior.

I'm not saying he's innocent, or that it's ok to heavily grope women without consent. I'm saying this culture of knee-jerk hatemongering is diminishing the seriousness of actual assaults by diluting them in potential vengeful allegations.

The moral of the OP is "Men be afraid, due process is optional. Stay away from women until you're sure they're not the kind of person who would ruin your life if things went south."

The comments on this inflammatory article are a good read: http://kotaku.com/a-different-way-to-re ... 1605542083

You know what else is a good read? To Kill a Mockingbird.

I say don't sexually harass someone because it's the wrong thing to do, not because you will completely surrender control of your life to the victim.

This seems to be the exact opposite of nearly all chick flicks and girl porn (romance novels).
Even the ubiquitous high school girl-fantasy of sleeping beauty and of a prince charming sweeping them off their feet.

If you have to ask, you don't know romance.
If you have to be asked, then I'm sad for you, you've never yet had true romance.

Try to think happiness and spontaneity and fun and actually really liking the person you're with, and excitement and future and dancing in warm moonlit rain naked and the strength of his arms that wish only to hold you and protect you from everything forever, warm and safe and the thumping sound of a heartbeat against your face. He doesn't have to ask because he can hear every note in the song in your soul is singing: yes, yes, YES!

And stop thinking about a trash strewn concrete alleyway with glass shards under your a*ss while being raped by a band of sour-sweaty human baboons hurting your arms and crushing your bloody lips..

(Unless that does it for you... then yehaa!)

Do you get it, now??
Or do ya just wanna stomp your foot and act all stubborn?
(which could be quite cute btw)

/mansplain

Indeed, finally someone who knows it to be true. Spontaneity is a key element and theme explored in romantic literature or film and many women see it as wimpy or weak if a man asks for permission as some believes a man takes what he wants.

I wouldn't know American Law as well as i know Canadian Law. I wouldn't know what the rules are for providers and governments to store such information either.

However, consider that those text messages are likely going to be 8 years old as well. Unless there was recent enough contact (which there was from my understanding, and through e-mail or Facebook) there isn't likely going to be enough to work with in finding that evidence. But from 8 years ago, I wouldn't know if that information is stored anywhere and if either of those two still have their phones from back then. Who knows if the phone they had back then still work and still have the text messages stored either.

I will not going to discuss your case, we are talking about Max's case, they might not be the same.

Drama Psychos exist too, not just rapists, what if she was that kind of person who holds old grudges inside to the revenge point, I knew people like that. It is possible that she was deeply hurt by ditching her like that and years later she found out he became famous and successful and she was like "I am gonna destroy this bastard who abandoned me like this!" - it's just a possibility. If it is that case, then Max is the one who's victim for unfairly losing reputation. Your scenario (her being embarrassed to disclose it earlier) is also another possibility.

I can't side with anyone in this case because there's no evidence yet.

The thing is that you and tarantella are siding with her just simply because she said it happened - there's zero evidence of the whole thing.


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Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 27 Aug 2014, 4:25 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Having just read this thread, an image popped into my mind of various romantic scenes from movies where the man and woman gaze into each others eyes and their faces move slowly closer about to kiss for the first time .... and a lawyer appears and pushes a document between their faces requiring signatures countersigned by both participants prior to their first kiss with a number of tick boxes indicating how sensual the kiss was permitted to be, how long and what sort of physical contact was authorised after the kiss, up to and including various sexual acts and whether contraception was required. The "couple" (if they so deem the word appropriate) would also need to state if they require independent third parties to be present during the kissing and sex acts to verify the contract was properly adhered to.

So that another lesson for all guys: if ever a mad girl texting you and insulting you for ditching her after a night for whatever reason, take screenshots, and store them in a cloud drive of yours , who knows.

Pretty much this. Also keep in mind women who have gone through trauma, will be bias against men in a lot of cases. It's easy for women who have been sexually assaulted to view men as evil by default. I am not saying this is the case with starvingartist, but it does happen quite often. I had an ex girlfriend, whom is into polygamy. I had two girlfriends, she had two boyfriends. I was good friends with the other guy she was dating. She is bisexual, so she had girlfriends as well. Well I witnessed how nice she was to all her girlfriends, yet when it came to us (the guys) she was very mean. She even made the guy cry, just so she could get off on it. She was always talking about how she was raped, but yet at the same time would put herself in risky situations, like going to get the mail in her bra and panties and working outside at 2am. She also told me how she used to be an escort. Yes, I did make a huge mistake dating this person. Obviously most women who are raped don't act like her and dont put themselves in those kinds of situations. Rape is a terrible thing, but some women who get raped get really traumatized by it and develop this hatred towards men, some even become prostitutes. I've witnessed a few rape victims become prostitutes.

wow, how original, another man on this forum insinuating that i hate men because i talk about the fact that i was raped when i was a teenager. funny how so many guys who've never met me or any of the guys i've known or dated IRL can know how i feel about men just because i'm a sexual assault survivor. didn't realise there were so many psychics on here.

tell me, if i think men are so evil, how is it that i manage to have one as a best friend? oh that's right, because you're full of s**t and don't know what you're talking about, that's how.

I didn't insinuate anything about you, but about the woman whom was being discussed making the accusations and other women being mad at the man being discussed in this thread. " I am not saying this is the case with starvingartist, but it does happen quite often." Insinuating, that you're probably not like that, but some women are. I guess you missed that part.

Last edited by CommanderKeen on 27 Aug 2014, 4:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

One of my best friends is black


Sorry, that just immediately came to mind.

Anywho, who has read "to kill a mockingbird" around here?

Are you insinuating that he raped her with his mind? If no physical contact or unrepricated persistent advancements were made, where is the crime? If it made the woman uncomfortable, why did they not inform him directly?

If you want nothing to do with someone, you shouldn't be going on romantic dates or kissing awkwardly, you should cut all communication and not associate with them.

because if you go on a date with someone, you are giving them permission to have sex with you? there is so much wrong with what you've said....so tired of having these same discussions again and again.

agreeing to a date is not the same as agreeing to making out or intercourse--if i go on a date with a guy, that doesn't mean he has the right to push sex on me that i don't want. also, if a person persists with sexual relations and the other person is afraid to fight because he/she might get violent so they just close their eyes and wait for it to be over--that's still rape, even though it's not "violent" by your standards. if a person is unconscious and so doesn't say no or fight because they're unconscious--that's still rape. if a guy tells a girl if she doesn't have sex with him he will hurt someone she cares about, so she goes along and doesn't fight him--that's still rape.