Dating outside of your social class

Post Reply New Topic

Although stratification is almost inevitable in societies it seems, my issue is more with the superior concept of quality rather then quantity. I don't mind if someone is successful and amasses wealth as long as they contribute a fair share towards public administration.

Being able to become wealthy is pretty banal when done for luxury living alone, but can also be a person's path to accomplishing positive goals and dreams. The arts for instance historically depend heavily upon wealthy sponsors.

Its when the 'higher class' thinks of itself as superior somehow, or avoids lower classes for appearences that bugs the s*** out of me. No such quality differientation exists in human nature. It is literally all in their snobbish heads.

And it is not the ones who did the work to amass the wealth that are usually at fault. Its the ones that just had the luck of the draw to be born into wealth and advantage. They can see themselves as a special group and also are very jealous to keep anyone else down and out.

If there ever was an archaic institution it is the concept of noble blood. It served its purpose in primitive times as the most accessible means of insuring stable transitions in government, as unstable periods bring chaos and destruction. It was just a mutually beneficial arrangement. Yeah, we will let you pretend your something special and descended from the gods, as long as you ensure public security.

Disagree, I totally don't want to hang out with tracksuit wearing yobs who shout at each other in the street. Neither do they want to hang out with me.

I went to the job centre once after giving a presentation at college. I was wearing a skirt suit and walked past a group of yobs on the staircase, one of whom said: "I hate how those kinds of people dress." The yobs judge us too. They think they are somehow superior to me because they don't dress in a suit.

There is a difference in manners and customs and I just can't understand some of the people I see as I look out of my office window. Why do they wear those horrible tracksuits, why can't they talk properly, why do they talk though their noses?

I am a snob and I know I am. I will never date a man who has no manners.

You are talking about Prince Harry, right?

Ha ha, yeah, he totally does not appeal to me. That's actually a good example of how being classy and having manners is different from coming from a wealthy background. I feel bad for saying that because I don't actually know him and I'm just judging what I've seen on the tv, but he really isn't my type, Sorry Harry.

What this all really boils down to is fear. Fear that the other person won't accpet you. That's why people judge each other. It's just fear. Shame really and I know I'm guilty of it.

I know this is not everyone's cup of tea, but say you are looking for a loyal, loving person, the so called Heart of Gold.

Is there any more likelihood of finding that in one social class or another?

I am pretty sure the answer to that is no. And since finding that special person is also not very easy at all, then it is not only snobbish, but foolish to cut out a whole swath, and the much larger swath of humanity from your consideration. I don't mean you specifically, but anyone that would not date someone from a lower economic/social strata.

In fact, and this is just opinion, I would be careful when dating someone in a higher class. Experience and observation has led me to believe that they are more likely, having wealth/status, to value that most, and fear losing it most. With such, relationships are secondary and partners more disposable. And btw, somehow despite the money and things they are no more likely to be happy. There are good hearts in the upper classes, but I think they are swimming against the current.

this is so very true--i grew up in a working class town in a working class family, and i have known middle class and "monied" people as well, and i have to say people are no more likely to be of decent character just because they are of a "higher" social class.

there is bad behaviour inherent in all groups of people, all classes--the only differences are in how those behaviours manifest. you may get more ignorance and lack of "worldliness" from the lower classes due to reduced access to decent education and travel, but you get a different kind of ignorance from those who've had the advantage of better education and wealth: a kind of blindness to what the real world is like for the other 75-99% percent of the population (depending on your level of wealth and privilege), an inability to understand what it is like to feel chronic hunger and want, to struggle to pay bills and keep a roof over one's head, etc. poor people live in a bubble of ignorance and want, rich people live in a bubble of privilege and luxury. both types of unawareness can lead to bad behaviour (which is a "worse" criminal: the street-level mugger/gangster, or the CEO banker that gambles with the pensions of hard-working people and loses but still collects a multimillion-dollar yearly bonus?), or it can challenge a person to push beyond the limitations of their circumstances, whatever those limitations may be, through perseverance and work ethic--it really depends on the quality of a person's character, what they do with the limitations set by what class and circumstances they were born into.

you can't buy character with money, basically; that's something you either have inside yourself or you don't.

If one doesn't have "character" in the present, one could acquire "character" in the future.

Wow thank you so much to all of you for your responses! I've read through them all a few times and really appreciate everyone's input. This topic has a created a little conversation and I enjoyed learning all of your views on the subject.

To be honest, it was never confirmed that her reason for dropping me was social class... it was just brought up by a few of my friends as there is a big gap between our classes. However, we did get along very very well and our families are also friends, believe it or not.

But as one of you said, I'm sure it just came down to her not being interested in me in the end. Which is upsetting... But I'm a big boy. I think social class may have been PART of it though, whether consciously or subconsciously.

Yes, I have never understood the reasoning behind why they of wear a track suit and smoke either, a track suit is meant to be something worn to the gym or for outdoor sports so it amuses me when I see someone doing that. Just as you wouldn't wear a suit if you were an ecologist, it seems funny as if they have no other clothes.

I'm NOT a snob. But I don't think I could ever have a serious relationship with someone working class or someone upper class. I am not only middle class, but middle class professional and intelligentsia. It's NOT about money at all. I've known working class people who have a lot more money than I do (because they've moved into middle class professions or done well in other ways) and I know someone who is upper class (i.e. the younger son of a baronet) but whose family lost all their money.

I once felt differently. And it's not about character. I have very good working class friends who are near and dear to me. But there are certain things that I enjoy doing that they don't. I can't go with them to museums or lectures. But that's ok, because I have other friends I can do those things with. And we have other more important common interests that bind us.

But when it comes to a romantic relationship I want someone who has common cultural expectations to me. Of course, you never know what may happen and I might come to totally take back what I've said. But I just think it's easier to be in a relationship with someone who is of a similar class background as yourself.

Hmm going to a museum is a middle class past time? I thought everyone enjoyed them.

You haven't been around the truly wealthy US families I see. Believe me, it's there in all its glory.

There is also a cultural barrier between the socio-economic classes... I think the best way I can put it is that those of us who are not rich think in practical terms whereas those raised in great wealth think abstractly.

There's a scene in an old Woody Allen movie 'Manhattan' where Woody is with his GF visiting a museum of art and one of Woody's friends comes in with his date. That date is a girl from a really wealthy family. They start browsing the museum together and Woody & his GF & his friend see art in practical terms. Like, a big metal cube sculpture is seen by them as 'nice' and 'its a cube, I don't see the effort the artist put into this' or 'im not sure why this is art' . The wealthy girl looks at the cube and starts saying that it was marvelous how the artist 'used negative space' and 'its so textural' .... leaving the rest very confused.

That scene is a perfect comparison between mentalities. The wealthy girl was never raised in a background of 'need'. Aka no need to save money (buy the cheaper shoes instead of designer ones), no need to work for a living, no need to worry about their future prospects,etc. Woody's group simply could not process or assign any value or purpose at all at a metal cube. Not even artistic because to them it *IS* a metal cube and nothing more. To the wealthy girl, who does not think in practical terms, she does not see the physical cube but rather an abstract interpretation of it.

Different worlds, different mentalities despite both being American.

Well put!
After reading Piketty's last book, it looks like if things don't start to drastically change for the better soon, we might get stuck in a very real caste system here in the States. It's so weird to watch this new chapter unfold while so many people take no notice, numbed by the comfort of their accustomed lifestyles, indifferent towards the gradual decrease in living standards for those under them. Yet one by one, the waves of post-industrial capitalism are taking more and more down under. What a world.

I still don't understand how that makes her high class, maybe she just took an interior design course. Maybe Americans aren't as well educated as people in my country since it's such a big country, even working class people in England understand and learn art, history and etiquette.

I mean that there's a higher number of people that lack education because there's a higher number of people and educating all of them is a difficult process I imagine.