lying to women on dating sites?

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Yeah, this reply just confirms my sense of the world outside my house here not being the same as the world everyone else here lives in.

When I go to say, the supermarket, I see men and women who are overweight, unfit, not conventionally attractive, poorly dressed, who more than likely aren't employed or are in poorly paid, low status jobs, and they, these men and women, are there with their husbands/boyfriends, wives/girlfriends.

Are you telling me that Scotland is the only country in the world where unemployed men who don't have a car or their own home are able to form long-term, intimate relationships?

^^ No, definitely not. It happens all over the U.S.

A lot of things I've been reading lately lead me to believe that people in general are maturing emotionally later than they did in my generation. Most 20-somethings (especially in these difficult economic times) are struggling to find themselves and their path in life. They're afraid of the future, and understandably so in many cases. I think it's quite possible that many people still in their 20s are gripped by this uncertainty. It is difficult to be wise and philosophical if you're fighting for your life, so they stick to practicalities, or, as the case may be to some extent, instinct. By instinct I mean "men want the healthiest-looking women to give birth to their children, and women want the men who seems most able to provide for them and their children."

So what I'd advise is what others here have said. Forget about dating for awhile and focus on getting your own life in order - job, living situation, etc. - to the best of your abilities, and when YOU are reasonably satisfied with what's going on in your own life, then you can go about finding someone to share that with you. Looking for a woman to "fix" your life is not doing anyone any favors, including yourself.

Educated unemployed or entry-job men originally from middle-class struggle way more to pair up with women than unemployed/entry-job less educated men from working/poor class; the latters usually live within a religious integral community that encourages marriage, and set up couple meetings; and they make gathering activities in religious context. But at the end of day the guy has to work.

In my country, these usually get married thro what we call "marriage de salon"; a type of arranged marriage where suitor after suitor visits the to-be-bride and her parents and she picks one (often with the influence from parents).

A university/college-level educated unemployed man would hardly likes a woman who just wants to be a mommy and just cares hoe she looks like to be a more desirable bride; and an educated girl eve if she's unemployed wouldn't find the whole thing appealing much.

Eureka, I can't believe my eyes; you're being realistic at last.
You *finally* admit the realitiy of today.

Total victory for me; total gruesome defeat for your former pinky outlook on life. :p

Live rich and classy but on the cheap, cars on monthly payments, Korean suits, a fake rolex, act like you are headed to join the upper echelons of society.

In other words, fake it until you make it and most women will buy into the illusion.

No, no change, just an acknowledgement that many young people may take longer to get their heads screwed on straight these days. I was out of college and supporting myself by the time I was 21, bought my first house when I was 22 (in retrospect, that was a mistake - it tied me to one place for more years than I wanted to be there, and limited me, career-wise, for at least a decade), and spent a number of years living on Ramen noodles while I paid off my student loans.

If I were 21 years old in today's economic climate, it's highly unlikely I'd have gotten a job right out of college, so I certainly wouldn't have bought a house. Even buying a decent car would be daunting. Since I wasn't exposed to today's media/society/culture when I was young, I don't know what effect it might have had on my maturing brain, so I'm inclined to give the younger generation the benefit of the doubt and not expect as much from them as I expected from myself and my peers, in better economic times.

I think young people nowadays buy into the media/societal construct of "you have to have it all, or you are not worthy." In my day, the societal construct was "if you want it, you have to earn it first." There's a big difference between the two, and I think it would beneficial to our society as a whole, as well as to individuals, to see a paradigm shift back towards the latter way of thinking.

Humans aren't instinctively monogamous. Until a few thousand years ago, most people who slept with each other never saw each other again.



Waiting for too long can lead to a man being rejected because of lack of experience.

Or get a job at a carwash and tell the ladies you drive a different car every day! I drive a BMW a Mercedes a Porshe a Mustang a Jaguar a Hummer a Corvette numeruous other cars every day! sure non of them are mine and I only drive them out of the machine and dry them but still its nice to say that hehe and your not lying either! This car however is mine I only bought for 1k and runs like a champ its not super fancy but it does turn heads for sure.

ill take that green car you have. lol.

Don?t lie, it wouldn't lead to anything good. It would be a terrible start to a relationship finding out that the other person has lied about very basic things like that. I?d immediately start wondering what else they?ve lied about, what else they?re going to lie about etc. And especially if you feel really bad about doing it (as people should) and it goes against your morals. I?d much rather date someone who is honest and unemployed than someone who is willing to lie about things like that to get what they want.

While you keep saying what I've bolded, and it's not an ultimate truth, I just thought to point out that most people in their twenties around here with nice things... like a nice car, home, "the life", etc. don't own them, those things own them until the loans, credit debt, and interest are paid off. Someone your age living realistically and responsibly within their means probably doesn't live with much more than you currently do in your situation in this day and place.

I met and walked with a wanderer/homeless married couple earlier this year while in Spokane Washington. They were probably in their early thirties. Their companionship was quite beautiful, and she probably could have left for someone with at very least a roof to provide extra safety beyond the medium sized dog they shared their walk with, but their love expressed that it knew no boundaries. That is love, and such love exists regardless of the potentially blinding potent pessimism about love that's heard from just about every angle anymore.

To answer the question, don't lie. Love requires a strong foundation of trust, and it's very hard to trust someone you've found out has intentionally tried to mislead you. From everything you've said in the past, it sounds like you're searching for love, so hold out for love. Don't settle for the quickest and cheapest ticket out of lonesome that's only going to take you to extra misery.

what evidence do you have for that Kurgan?

AFAIK most primitive tribes live in tribes and see each other all the time, and most raise the kids together as a tribe and most even get married. Even primate relatives of ours live in groups who see each other all the time and raise the children as families, with the exception of orangutans and they are quite distant relatives and obvs people are more social than them and likely to have social group living ancestors.

Most promiscuous not seeing each other again mammals are ones who are solitary not social such as syrian hamsters or cats.

Why would people have evolved the brain chemicals of love and bonding if none occurred in history, would be a bit odd. Cats certainly dont mope about for their lost lover like people do so we cant be that promiscuous!! !

The person who sold me this car is selling another green one iirc he sold another to another guy already in a few months hes selling his town car executive edition he runs a taxi company! The taxis are retired police cars.

I wish it was so. but in my case its more of I read their profiles , profile says don't message unless you have [the list] . I don't message. so its not I message them but they don't find me attractive. though i doubt they would. it's they want a sucessful middle class 18-30 year old man.



you probably arent the type to list requirements of having a car, job, home. or life together. or ambition then. to them the job,car, home is the deal breaker, some even say so actually. there doesn't seem to be as many women like you anymore though.



easier said then done. its not like work/looking for work takes up all my time. its acutally been quite slow. even if it did I would still feel lonely at night. I have pleanty of time to do both, though do note I send 1 message to about every 300 profiles/ads i read now. I didn't even get spam emails from my last cl ad, truly sad when even the spam bots don't want to message me lol.
I feel that while it's going slow (the job developer is dragging their feet, my voc rehab person was quite upset that the JD took 2 weeks to get back to me then set up the appointment a week from now. i been use to not being helped so wwasn't going say anything) i do feel that I'm on track to a job, I'm going be getting security license, liquor license, and first aid. and help redoing my resume. a major problem I have to overcome is my lack of experience in most fields except retail and my debt, which scares people away. that and interviewing.

its not like women are interested in me, so its not hurting anyone. i just read ads at night. and reply messages from the goat vet woman(enjoying our messages but nothing will come from it. she lives 60 miles away most of the time then 14 miles away the rest)
it can be depressing but the hope of finding love even though impossible keeps me going.

its mostly the ones who demand the car, and good paying job that depress me, and the super good looking ones, the country ones are sad, but atleast they are rejecting off of lifestyle. they are country and like to go mudding, something I can not understand the fun of. I don't like getting muddy.



true that I already have been rejected cause I lack past gf experience and sex experience. to some women its the same as job catch 22. I really should have been sleeping around and having a bunch of gf's in high school it seems. I always thought it was a good thing. I don't have pass training from a gf to interfere with the new one, I won't compare them to my old gf's and they can teach me how to please them without having to undo the past stuff. also more past relationships mean more possible bad experiences that one might hold onto. however having past gfs even if all of them were failed experiences is better then none.


I probably couldn't lie anyways, I would break as soon as they asked. just like I did when they asked If I had past relationships. I just tell them the truth. I can't lie to a potential gf. or friends. It's why I hate the "how are you" question they don't want to know i'm sad or anxious. I can't lie and say I'm great though. Its something I can do with customers, heck its required for the job. but I can't do it with relationships or friendships.

I just had to look up "mudding". Well, I learnt something to today.

Anyway, I always get mixed feelings when I read posts about the whole "job/car/place" thing. I don't know whether to feel fortunate, because those things are not a problem for me or unfortunate, because I feel I have no hope of ever getting a partner despite those things not being a problem.

So I would just caution you to not pin all your relationship hopes on the financial aspects of your life. Certainly, improve your life situation, but do it for yourself, not because you think it will be the answer to all your relationship problems. Because it won't be.

I had to look it up when I first heard it too.

It's complicated. having those things like other aspects doesn't guarantee a relationship. but not having them is harmful to getting one. just as being gorgeous doesn't mean you will get one, but being the hunchback type will almost certainly be harmful.
I see all these women that I would match up good with. I am the type of guy they want and they seem the type of woman I want. but they won't consider me cause I don't have a decent job/place.

I suppose I am doomed even if I get a job as I won't have my own place if that means living alone in an apartment/house. In reality I do have my own place ish. I rent with family which is same a renting with strangers as roommates, just safer. I can't bring myself to kick my family on the streets just so I can say I have my own place. so it seems wise to wait til I have a long term gf that would want to live together, but that's the paradox I suppose.

if we are talking just general or technical. I have a 94 corolla, I work at lane community college, and rent a place with family(not from family) but the ones I talked to did not consider those real job/car/place. which is why my sister suggested I lie about it in order to message the women.