He wasn't "man enough" for my ASD..

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I'm sorry.




I'm actually not sure he's neurotypical. In fact, a lot of the reason why we clashed so much was because we're so much alike - except maybe the extreme inconsideration. And that's coming from me! I have a horrible time seeing things from others shoes.



This actually came up today. He said something about how he was "cutting things off," "cutting me off" and that I'm making it difficult. That he was trying to make me less dependent on him. I said that I'm pregnant and he said I could stay here as long I want, but he's been treating me poorly even since he "realized" he doesn't love me anymore. And how could he do that, if he even cares about me or the baby even a little? He said too bad, if he's taking care of me, deal with it. Basically said the same thing about almost getting us into an accident yesterday and that if I have a problem with it I need to get my own license..



I've been trying to basically this whole time. It, unfortunately, is a location issue. I live in a small, rich tourist town and the closest Aspie groups are 45 minutes West and East and more than an hour North. I think I'll try contacting them anyway.

What other ways do you think I could find people locally?

I thought I knew of one awhile back, but I think you had to pay. I've used Okcupid, which is how I met him, but I don't think too many dudes list if they're ASD. I do, but that's just me. I think its highly relevant to having a relationship with me.

Hey it sounds like he's just not ready for the storm and stress of a relationship. Its impossible to gauge what his actual personality is because of the constant drug use. Drug use often brings out the worst qualities in an individual which explains the callous behaviour. He sounds like the average poly substance abuser who has an addiction to being "High".

To be honest he sounds like a decent guy but your priority right now is for your child so whatever you have to do to make sure that your child has a safe stable home you need to do.

The whole situation appears to be a result of the drug use. The fake weed has been reported to cause a host of health issues. Its a totally unknown entity. Aggression mood swings paranoia are all side effects of these sorts of experimental research chemicals


EDIT: When I say he sounds like a decent guy I mean at heart he probably has good intentions but he is ego and pleasure driven. He appears to be like a spoilt child only invested in short term pleasures with no concern about the effect it will have on his loved ones. His outbursts appear to be petulance rather than genuine malice. You deserve much better because he may never improve and as the drug use becomes worse he will spiral and spiral and take you down with him.

Last edited by Ectryon on 19 Sep 2014, 11:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh nothing wrong you did, its good you state it. It just brings up some relations to emotional struggles I've had in personal life with other women in your similar situation that I wish it didn't happen.

About him having AS symptoms. I would be somewhat careful with that assumption. I've had close relations with girls, and from us being so close I begun to think they are AS. I actually thought they most certainly are AS. But I realized in those instances, they really were't but were just projecting back to me my aspects, I was projecting myself on them, they were reflecting it back to me and I would thus perceive them as AS. But I realized that even though some people do this, they really aren't autistic, and I've begun to be really aware of it since my time with those girls. That AS is really a distinct thing, and AS people interacting with AS people it becomes super obvious. I can now tell what it really really feels like to be interacting with other autistic people, versus more neurotypical people who just understand or, may have a few 'symptoms' of it, but aren't really. Not that I'm saying he isn't, I don't know, he could very well be. But I've tricked myself into thinking this about people Ive been close to in the past. Particularly people who do a lot of drugs, or psychedelic drugs. For some reason neurotypicals when high, namely psychedelic highs, they can really relate to autistic people, understand and perceive it really well, and thus can appear very autistic to someone who is looking for aspects of themselves in the other person, but really they aren't autistic. This is why I say its really important for you to be around other autistic people, its the only way to become really intuitively aware of what the social dynamic between autistic people feels like. It's a connection and mutual understanding that can't be attained anywhere else, even if the neurotypical is on psychedelics.

It sounds like you & your baby may be better off without him vs. his actions, behaviours, addictions, words etc being allowed to be negative influences in your life.

Also sounds like the typical "cold feet" many guys get before babies/marriage, that he's having his own bit of a meltdown and figures you're better off without him. I bet if he were honest about it he'd tell you that's the truth. And at this junction, he may in fact be right.. you may in fact be better off without him in your life if there's not much positive that he brings to it vs. negative.

I know I sound like a broken record, and I'm ok with that, but read the thread in my sig about how I've treated my ASD symptoms with such incredible results that the people here on WP don't believe me. I swear it's all 100% true and I am doing fantastic as far as functioning & life and work and so on goes. You might just learn from it what you need to change your life for the better and never look back. Feel free to pm any questions/comments.

While I'm not in a relationship, my crush is definitely ASD. In our friendship I deal with it just fine by knowing aaaaallllll about it having experienced it myself as well as having read a few books about it and participating in these forums. Knowledge is power. Knowing all about it makes it extremely easy to anticipate and accept his quirks. Fortunately for me, there are very few times he ever gets upset or that we have any sort of argument etc - but on the few occasions I've accidentally pissed him off, I've been able to just roll with it and not escalate him into a meltdown or anything. It's also certainly helped to have read a couple of Eckhart Tolle's books (The power of now, and, A new earth.) as they really have helped me learn how to be much more "present," and deal with situations with a lot more poise and grace vs. reacting to them.

Yes, it's entirely possible for someone to love you wholly, despite everything that it entails. The first person who ought to be doing that is you. The second will be your child. Once you've managed to achieve loving yourself wholly, you'll be able to attract someone into your life who will do the same - whether it's the father of your unborn child or someone else entirely.. it all starts with you, self acceptance, self love/respect/appreciation.

We rent the house next dooir to his parent's house that they own. I'm on the lease.

I truly feel for you and can relate as I used to be in a similar situation with my ex-husband. At the time, I was not aware of my Asperger's, but very aware of the effects it had on so many areas of my life. Like the man you speak of, my ex was very harsh on my short-comings and tended to belittle me and tease me because of them, it was simply a repeat performance of what I had grown up with in my home with my mother's attitude towards me and did nothing for my self-esteem. That is a toxic relationship and it can only harm you more, I divorced my ex even though it has had very bad financial repercussions for me and I have not been able to see my children in years. I have found a wonderful man who totally accepts me, Asperger's and all and never makes fun of my short-comings. I wouldn't put up with that kind of treatment, give him a chance with the child, but if I were you I would move on, you deserve better. Spoken from someone who has lived through 13 years of a relationship like that.

I say this in all seriousness: DTMFA and abort the fetus. Take this as your opportunity to break free from all that has hindered you. You can do better, and deserve better.