Is this true?

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04 Oct 2014, 11:36 am

Just my opinion here, but the being available/faking unavailability is just push/pull game-playing. I don't really respect women much when they do that. It's different if a guy is into those kinds of games, but I'm more of the "hey, let's get down to business" type.

I think you should just do what YOU want to do. If you're really into this guy and you're available, you can run to his place every time he calls if you want to.

Now, I DO think that absence makes the heart grow fonder. So?say you spend the night with the guy and he calls the next afternoon wanting to hang out, you might say "I was just there last night!" It's ok to have "me" time as opposed to "us" time and worth capitalizing on because that benefits both of you in the relationship, i.e. you both give each other enough time to miss each other, making the time spent together more enjoyable and varying the intensity of the relationship and even intimacy. The difference is this is something couples are up front about with each other. If you are intentionally unavailable to me when in reality you're not unavailable, I'm likely to lose patience with you. If all you want is some alone-time, I'll be available every night this week after __:00 p.m. Just send me a text and we'll get together somewhere whenever you're ready.

There's also a fine line between being available and being clingy. I say be available any time he is. Just don't demand he be available every time you are. It works both ways, after all.

The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Oct 2014, 12:22 pm

I would move on and wouldn't contact her again.

And one other thing, If I ask her to do something together (let's suppose we are already dating) one time and she says she's not available then I automatically consider the ball to be in HER court, so if she's really not available yet interested then I expect HER to set another time or expect HER to ask me out next time when she's available, a lot of guys think that way too.

So if you're gonna play the unavailability game then don't expect the guy will ask you 2 times successively. One turn on him, one turn on you.

aspiemike
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04 Oct 2014, 3:58 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

This is solid advice about what guys will not deal with and what they expect. I remember one lady in the past couple years backed out through text message the day of a date and suggested another time, but didn't specify and said "maybe next week on a day I'm free." Removed number from my phone and moved on. Not going to guess what day when they supposedly don't know and won't tell me either. She never got back to me, so I would think she didn't care anyway.

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marshall
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06 Oct 2014, 4:54 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

Yes, in general that's true. People want what they can't have. If you're always available and eager to meet up, it may be detrimental to building a relationship.

This might be confusing cause and effect though. What I see is more attractive and desirable people can afford to blow off any one particular person because they can always easily find someone else. Being unavailable isn't what makes them desirable. Something else does.

marshall
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06 Oct 2014, 5:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Doing that seems overly defensive to me. It just ensures you'll never get very far. Someones impression from one date isn't enough. They don't really know you. You haven't spent enough time together. They may change their mind after a second date.

autismthinker21
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06 Oct 2014, 5:05 pm

being unavailable is really this,

you cant be bothered. your busy in your life and you dont have time to reply.

or...

your just not really in the mood to be talking to that person.

all i can see within being unavailable.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Oct 2014, 6:27 pm

marshall wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I would move on and wouldn't contact her again.

And one other thing, If I ask her to do something together (let's suppose we are already dating) one time and she says she's not available then I automatically consider the ball to be in HER court, so if she's really not available yet interested then I expect HER to set another time or expect HER to ask me out next time when she's available, a lot of guys think that way too.

So if you're gonna play the unavailability game then don't expect the guy will ask you 2 times successively. One turn on him, one turn on you.

Check the bold smarty, I meant way beyond second date.

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06 Oct 2014, 11:02 pm

I don't know how busy your life is but whenever you both have the time go for it. A relationship is supposed to be something you enjoy so enjoy it whenever you got the time to.

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