Do you fall for people who are different from you?

Page 2 of 3 [ 34 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 75,861
Location: UK

29 Nov 2014, 1:35 pm

Oh, there's some strong opinions here!


_________________
We have existence


downbutnotout
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 656
Location: MN, US

29 Nov 2014, 7:09 pm

I tend to like people similar because being able to discuss something we both like is just more stimulating than listening to someone talk about what we don't understand, and I feel like I can express my true personality more when I'm with someone who shares my sense of humor or at least doesn't find it offensive. There's more room to bond and share the kind of experiences that make me feel understood when we've been living similar lives and pursuing similar goals, and they know firsthand the kind of struggles I face.

I don't like my opposite, the loud, silly type who's very sensitive, at all. They don't enjoy my sense of humor and I don't enjoy theirs, and they always want to play around while I always want to talk. I don't see what's attractive about that... to anyone. Especially compared to someone with a cute smile who'll sit comfortably with you in silence and share in your excitement. My mom and dad followed the "opposites attract" line of thought, were miserable for 20+ years, then divorced and bolted for someone more similar.

That said, there is room for compromise. For every rebellious person who desires to be understood by kindred spirits, there's one who wants someone more laid-back as an escape or who doesn't think that's important as long as they share x or y. People who are very rebellious and people who are very not seem likely to have a lot of differing worldviews, though.



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

29 Nov 2014, 8:20 pm

These days, no. But I did when I was younger.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,670
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

29 Nov 2014, 9:27 pm

I tend to go for people who are more like me however I had a huge crush obsession with a celeb who's very different from me in lots of ways.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


LoveforLoki
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 2 Mar 2012
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 356
Location: Scandinavia

30 Nov 2014, 1:52 am

Klowglas wrote:
LoveforLoki wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
LoveforLoki wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
LoveforLoki wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
Women, this thread is why 'nice guys' are forever sad, the OP is illustrating a truth we all know far too well but don't want to see or acknowledge.

OP, good, luck finding a guy that is not going to turn your face into jello for refusing sex. "Killer males" are not good at empathy, that's the precise thing that makes them capable warriors, but good luck connecting mentally with those kinds of people.

I'm sure he'll love to introduce you to hard drugs as well, but what do you care? he's being rebellious, maybe you'll OD with a child at 21. How fun.


What are you talking about? There was no mention of dating A-holes in the post, refusing sex, or whatever.

My husband is a musician, he plays very heavy music, he does not do drugs or beat me, he treats me with the up most respect.


Refusing sex was an example because those types of bad boys throw a tantrum when things don't go their way, there was an NFL player recently that beat th crap out of his spouse because she would't put out. That's the sort of things you can expect with rebellious types.

That's the sort of attraction that keeps women coming back to their abusers, it needs to end because it's the source of a lot of woe in this world. A husband beating the crap out of his wife in front of her kids will go on to cause trauma in those children, and they will grow up with issues. These kinds of attractions need to end because they cause an endless chain of misery that extends through generations, all because of some bizarre animal attraction, it needs to end.


But nobody here mentioned dating "Bad Boys", at least I know I didn't and the original poster didn't.
Not all musicians are "bad boys", not all tattooed men are "bad boys", bad boys come in many different types of people, under all sort of different disguises. To stereo type musicians as bad boys is pretty judgmental. That is what she said she would like to date (maybe).


Her opening paragraph pretty much illustrates her attraction of rebellious types, not sure where you are getting the impression that I'm associating musicians with bad boys.


Being a rebel also does not equal drug addict or abuser.
You could be a rebel in many productive ways for instant those who protest wars, animal abuse, capitalism, they are all rebels but for a genuine cause.

You associating your ideal of the term rebellious but the definition is vast.

As I said my husband is a big time rebel but not a drug addict or a criminal.



When she' starting she's not attractive to 'goody goody', you know full well she's not talking about any just kind of rebellion. The kind she's describing is the one that's prone to substance abuse, you know very well who those kinds are, and I'm willing to bet if you have children, you certainly wont want them around your kids.

Please, let's not try to justify a woman's attraction to rebellion, because it's the children who are going to pay the price for that corruption, but we humans are very good at passing all of our misfortunes unto our children aren't we?

And your husband is probably not a real 'rebel', musicians put on a stage persona that might reflect that because it appeals to the ears they want to attract, but it's all an act.



You do not know for a fact that is what she is talking about.

You do not know my husband at all, who he is and what he does.

One can not just assume experience, one must undergo it.

Your assumed knowledge is just assumed knowledge, not fact!
You wouldn't know true rebellion if it bit you on your bum.
You just enjoy spewing your predigest banter and imposing your fascism on the rest of us.


_________________
I am an artist! Here is an example of some of my art:
http://instagram.com/Darby_Lahger


Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,539
Location: Europe

30 Nov 2014, 6:09 am

Different in interests, level of extroversion and physical type, but the same level in level of intellegence, humor, attentiveness, sensitivity, goofyness and way of thinking and reasoning about life and societal issues (intellectuality).



Last edited by Cafeaulait on 30 Nov 2014, 6:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

yournamehere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
Location: Roaming 150 square miles somewhere in north america

30 Nov 2014, 6:18 am

LoveforLoki wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
Women, this thread is why 'nice guys' are forever sad, the OP is illustrating a truth we all know far too well but don't want to see or acknowledge.

OP, good, luck finding a guy that is not going to turn your face into jello for refusing sex. "Killer males" are not good at empathy, that's the precise thing that makes them capable warriors, but good luck connecting mentally with those kinds of people.

I'm sure he'll love to introduce you to hard drugs as well, but what do you care? he's being rebellious, maybe you'll OD with a child at 21. How fun.


What are you talking about? There was no mention of dating A-holes in the post, refusing sex, or whatever.

My husband is a musician, he plays very heavy music, he does not do drugs or beat me, he treats me with the up most respect.


"Utmost"



LoveforLoki
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 2 Mar 2012
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 356
Location: Scandinavia

30 Nov 2014, 6:47 am

yournamehere wrote:
LoveforLoki wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
Women, this thread is why 'nice guys' are forever sad, the OP is illustrating a truth we all know far too well but don't want to see or acknowledge.

OP, good, luck finding a guy that is not going to turn your face into jello for refusing sex. "Killer males" are not good at empathy, that's the precise thing that makes them capable warriors, but good luck connecting mentally with those kinds of people.

I'm sure he'll love to introduce you to hard drugs as well, but what do you care? he's being rebellious, maybe you'll OD with a child at 21. How fun.


What are you talking about? There was no mention of dating A-holes in the post, refusing sex, or whatever.

My husband is a musician, he plays very heavy music, he does not do drugs or beat me, he treats me with the up most respect.


"Utmost"


Ah, yes! Oops! Thanks. :D


_________________
I am an artist! Here is an example of some of my art:
http://instagram.com/Darby_Lahger


yournamehere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
Location: Roaming 150 square miles somewhere in north america

30 Nov 2014, 7:06 am

As far as the topic of the OP goes, I would have to say yes. Opposites attract. So if in fact you are a dork, you may not want a relationship with a dork.

Ever see a couple in public wearing the same outfit.

Very annoying.

It's clashy.



Toy_Soldier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

02 Dec 2014, 1:04 am

Chimp females were recently discovered to pick/prefer mates with detectable physical differences. The current theory is that it is an innate selection process to ensure the most different genes, which produces stronger/healthier offspring.

So on a subconscious level, if you do like different people, it may actually just be partly an instinctive vestige.



yournamehere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
Location: Roaming 150 square miles somewhere in north america

02 Dec 2014, 6:58 am

I have never met anyone like me?



Vomelche
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Nov 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 789
Location: Ontario

05 Dec 2014, 11:51 pm

I've been attracted to opposites as well, but generally it does not work out. If you really want to attract those people, then you probably have to change yourself a lot to be like them. So you have to decide if it is really worth it.



Anna_K
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 9 Jun 2014
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 453

06 Dec 2014, 2:20 pm

A lot of the time I tend to be attracted to guys who are different from me looks-wise. I'm not attracted to anyone who looks like me or has similar facial features. I don't tend to fall for the rebellious types all that much now. In the past, I've been physically attracted to the guys with the "rebellious look", but I know that a real relationship with that type probably wouldn't work out.


_________________
F.A.I.L. is just the First Attempt in Life.....
^_^


886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,664
Location: SLC, Utah

07 Dec 2014, 6:52 am

Klowglas wrote:
LoveforLoki wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
Women, this thread is why 'nice guys' are forever sad, the OP is illustrating a truth we all know far too well but don't want to see or acknowledge.

OP, good, luck finding a guy that is not going to turn your face into jello for refusing sex. "Killer males" are not good at empathy, that's the precise thing that makes them capable warriors, but good luck connecting mentally with those kinds of people.

I'm sure he'll love to introduce you to hard drugs as well, but what do you care? he's being rebellious, maybe you'll OD with a child at 21. How fun.


What are you talking about? There was no mention of dating A-holes in the post, refusing sex, or whatever.

My husband is a musician, he plays very heavy music, he does not do drugs or beat me, he treats me with the up most respect.


Refusing sex was an example because those types of bad boys throw a tantrum when things don't go their way, there was an NFL player recently that beat th crap out of his spouse because she would't put out. That's the sort of things you can expect with rebellious types.

That's the sort of attraction that keeps women coming back to their abusers, it needs to end because it's the source of a lot of woe in this world. A husband beating the crap out of his wife in front of her kids will go on to cause trauma in those children, and they will grow up with issues. These kinds of attractions need to end because they cause an endless chain of misery that extends through generations, all because of some bizarre animal attraction, it needs to end.

Is this how you make yourself feel better for being born a beta male, blaming others? Blaming others will always, always guarantee you to be single forever. Being rebellious or "a bad boy" stereotype whatever doesn't mean you're going to beat your girlfriend. My sister's boyfriend has maybe 40 tattoos, probably could kick just about anyone's ass and usually anyone who's around him knows it. But you know what? He's never laid a finger on her and would take a bullet for her and her kids that aren't even biologically his.

It's not about being an as*hole, it's about being strong willed, strong minded, confident. Basically, not being the kind of person who will get punched in the stomach and apologize for it. I realize I'm defending something I shouldn't be, cause I'm surely the person getting punched in the stomach apologizing. Difference is I'm not shaming myself for it or blaming anyone for my own behavior. I'm just shy. :(

Anyways, to answer the OP - I prefer people similar to me. I prefer the introverted awkward type.. I can't stand the type who wants to go out partying every weeekend.


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.


Stargazer43
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,604

07 Dec 2014, 9:46 am

I fall for people who are different from me, but only because everyone is different from me! I have met maybe 3 people who I would say were "like me" in my life, so they're certainly in short supply.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,670
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

07 Dec 2014, 11:57 am

886 wrote:
Anyways, to answer the OP - I prefer people similar to me. I prefer the introverted awkward type.. I can't stand the type who wants to go out partying every weeekend.
Same here. The introverted awkward time is really CUTE


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition