Why can't I get past 3 dates?

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Well, it's not stalking, as that would involve behavior that would reasonably indicate the person wanted to harm the victim, but you're right it could lead to the person being classified as one. I made that mistake once, and it will never happen again as I now know the signs of when a person is ignoring me. At the time, I just didn't know that was fairly common behavior. I still think the person should give the other one some form of communication after 3 dates and talking the way we were (even if there's no actual comittment).

Still, the problem remains of how to stop this from happening in the first place.

This dating culture seems to be a US thing as far as I can tell. I never went on a 'date' until I was 39. I had plenty of bf's and long term relationships but they were started as casual friendships not dates. So my last boyfriend was the only person I met up with this specific interviewing kind of process that they do it in the US, and he was by far the worst partner I had. Which leads me to conclude it's a really inefficient process for finding someone decent. Most of the time I prefer to get to know someone in a group setting lots before I will spend time with them one on one and then it's usually a come over to my place for dinner and a movie etc kind of thing.

I can't really comment on what's going on for you or those you date, but I have done the online dating thing on and off for 11 years. What I can say is that 3 dates almost always tends to be a cutoff point, especially if no significant romantic/sexual gesture has been made by then. When I'm interested, coming up with those gestures at the appropriate time is the most difficult part, as is for a lot of us with ASD when it comes to social cues, and it's a critical component of communication for dating in general. I would start by looking back at your previous dates and look for moments that you would say to yourself "Oh, I should have done this when I saw/heard this, I just didn't pick up on it in real-time as it happened" and imagine what you could have done differently. With practice, you might just do the right social cue/gesture when it's needed at the right time without even needing to think about it much.

Appreciate the advice. Any thoughts of what would be a good opportunity to make such a gesture?

Here are a few real-life examples that have happened to me:

I was on a 3rd date with a girl I had met online and by that time, I felt comfortable to invite her to the company party. To romantic chemistry happened at the party to my disappointment, but I noticed something I couldn't make sense as to why she would logically do something. On the way back home, she had placed her hand on the drive stick (of an automatic). We didn't get into a relationship, but a few months later, I got into a conversation with her and we had already gone our different ways. She said that night, she was hoping I would have put my hand over her hand on the drive stick (since it's something that belongs to the driver anyway) and that it would had led to us fooling around that night.

Another example. I had a friend who I was interested in, but still had problems reading signals. I invited her over for a night of playing video games. She beat me up so bad at Smash Bros, she kept nudging me playfully every time she beat me. I just thought she was rubbing it in an taunting me. What she actually wanted was physical reciprocity - she actually wanted me to nudge/push her back with just as much force! Well this time, I responded by nudging her back and that escalated a few times, then I just went in for a kiss and it was perfect. I got into a relationship that was one of my most memorable but ended due to having to move away for school.

If you want to initiate something that can escalate, you can also do things like - grab a woman's arm/wrist gently to show her something, and wait and see if she escalates any physical contact with you, and keep the momentum going. It's something I've had to learn (and still learning) but that's the general equation to the reciprocity that's needed in a dating relationship to continue.

Hi there, it's a shame that who've you've been dating doesn't get in contact to give an explanation. I suppose some people may find it difficult to let someone else down so unfortunately may never get in touch again. You can't prevent your date from choosing someone else but there are some useful things you can do after your first date to try and help your other dates be successful. In the past this datingallhours.com/tips-advice-guides/dating-matchmaking/after-the-first-date.aspx has been a help which is an articles which talks about some pointers on how to deal with things after the first date, that might be of help to you? Good luck with it.

1.That is normal.

2. I don't date people. I get to know someone through school or work or mutual friends and if I like them and see signs from them that they are interested in me, I will ask if they want to spend more time together.

3. Maybe use an online dating service or fetlife or something and state in your profile what you are looking for.

4. You can't. You shouldn't want to. The minute you stop trying to do this your stress levels will plummet.

No, you are not actually ENTITLED to an explanation -- from a girl or potential employer -- you just really, really want one.

(By way of an example, I work for a large oil company and hired 5 interns last summer. From 600+ applications. Life is too short to contact ALL the not selected candidates - especially as the job poster specifically noted that only candidates selected for an interview would be contacted).

people aren't entitled to anything, respect isn't entitled its just how we humans have come to treat each other, also a mass email doesn't take much effort. I have no doubt that the printed post card from the company was in fact mass produced, but it showed respect. I don't have to tell you or explain to you why your car doesn't work or why you have to leave my house, most people respect people and tell them though. theres a lot of things people/companies don't' have to tell people but do.

comes down to do you respect people enough, and really I don't want people in my life who don't. just like people don't have to be nice or don't have to not be as*holes. I'm not talking whats legal or entitled. morals are neither.

People are entitled to be treated civilly (politeness is what stops the world from descending into anarchy), period. It's the bare minimum required by the social contract, so anything beyond that is gravy.

How, exactly, is failing to tell a rejected job that, umm, they've been rejected AMORAL?!

Kaytee, no one is entitled to an explanation after someone stops seeing them, but I think it would be nice to text them and tell them not to contact them any more. May I ask why you don't simply text the person and tell them? I would take about a minute. How much would the person have to try to contact you before you would respond and tell them not to.

With that being said, I have a system where I will never be labeled a stalker again. LOL

I think a lot of us have this problem, in fact a lot guys have this problem to but we can leave that out for now. In us it stems from the lack of "social software"(as an aside reading books on NLP and body languge will help with this ALOT!)
If you're getting 3 dates you have a good start; it means you're holding at least a convorsion and eye contact.I don't know exactally happend on these dates but based on the tone of your questions I have a pretty good guess,but first I'll answer those questions.

1. Yes sadly it is normal, there likely is no other guy and if there is her choice is out your "MORAL" control, put it from your mind. But I think what you really care about is the why so here it is forgive the langth its complicted. After 3 dates a lack of contact means you've missed boat it's not coming back, you had the intellectual part of this girl fully engaged but likely missed about 100 of her "Go" signals large and small over the 3 dates and she doesn't know what to make of that.

What are Go signals?, look at Lockeye's examples there perfect, that hand on the shifter is a large,,,, very large Go signal, its the body languge equivilent of shouting "hold may hand"(note a hand placed near on or near the other persons knee or thigh in a seated position is likely an open intimate gesture, you have seen many couples do this.) the play fighting too, and about a million other,,,, and counting lol. Its imposible to from a connection with a Neuro Tipical woman without reciprocating these Non-verbles. Don't feel bad if you've missed these in past even NT man miss them and their programmed for it

Whats in her head?, why your getting the silent treatmentAfter the first date she had a good time with you, you were likely interesting as we often are . On the second date she starts throwing out signals go unnoticed because you don't know what to look for, and she become a bit confused. the third date is her chasing the good vibe she got on the first date likely with more overt signal that can easly be misconstrued as an increase in affection in themselves. What do I mean by that?
(example: say the 2 of you are walking and "she" reaches over and takes your hand. Now your Aspie brain is like "Great!! she likes me and wants to feel closer good things are happening",,, Or you're panicing one of the two,lol. But heres whats really happend, her taking your hand is a very big deal in her book, and she's expecting a big return. "I took his hand to let him know how interested I am,and when we reach that oak tree 200 feet down the path, he's going to smoothly turn take my other hand in his kiss me", or something eqully romantic you get the idea quid pro quo.)
So at the end of the third date you think it going great, more physical contact and more good convorsion. She is thinking his words are there but his actions aren't this is very off putting to NT women and she likely made a choice about you before the date was over.
When you contact her after the third date its frankly a convorsion she'd rather avoid, she still thinks your a good guy and doesn't want to hurt you; its hard for a truely good woman to face you and tell you after 2 weeks to a month that shes not interested.
If you stay with dating and get better at you will eventually be in her shoes, with a girl who likes you when you don't feel the same. I can tell you first hand that it feels cruel and I can see why a compasionate woman would balk at the task.

Last Notes
There are other sinareos but this is the most likely My study in the area is pretty deep so I may have jumped a few details just ask and I'll illaborate. I need to get to work but I'll answer you other question later

Are you making any physical connection with these girls. If not, unfortunately they might think you're not interested and lose interest themselves. It doesn't matter that you're saying you're interested in them if you aren't showing it as outward affection in a lot of cases.

For example, after a couple of dates the pair going on the date would expect to kiss, and after that date usually more.

EDIT: sorry, a few of the posts already addressing what I've stated didn't show up before on my phone. Good luck, OP.

Yeah it could be physical connection and go signals, but could be something different too. Some people look just for that physical connection. Others look for intellectual compatibility for example, so if they figured they don't have that connection with you they will decide to move on and find a better match, which is nothing really wrong with that.