Girlfriend's Disappearing Act

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Most women are human. Thus, they care.

<pats Calandale on head>

Nah, sounds like you did the right thing. At least she lives far enough away that you don't run in to her all the time...

"And we all know what it's like to care more about someone else than they care about you."

I hear ya.

So far, it seems like most people agree that I did the right thing. By the way, I also talked about this to my friends, and they all said the same thing: even though her intentions were honest, disappearing without notice is wrong, especially in a relationship. Even a short e-mail telling me that she'll be gone for the next month would have sufficed; then I would have waited for her. Now that the situation is complete and resolved, I'm feeling much better, although it'll take me a couple of days to get over the break-up fully. Either way, thanks for the advice and opinions. You all are very helpful community.

I think you should have given her a real second chance. Breaking up with her for having poor communication skills seems harsh.

Maybe she was afraid she would look too eager, attached, or obsessive if she gave you a blow-by-blow of her problems. Maybe she didn't really understand that you cared about her. If she was going through a stressful time, maybe she didn't know whether or not it was safe to reach out to you.

Did you give her a real chance to apologize or explain? Other than when you broke up with her (she might not have been in a good state of mind at the time)?

I've more often see descriptions of aspie guys disappearing without a word for weeks or months, so it's kind of strange seeing this happen to an aspie guy for a change.

I think I would have given her another chance to explain herself, at least. I think I would have tried to make it clear that something didn't seem right about her excuse, and explain why I'm concerned about it, if for no other reason than relieving my curiosity.

Others have suggested that maybe you did something wrong and she was upset about it - if that's the case, she doesn't seem to have explained that, and I think I would have wanted to know for sure if I'd done something wrong, so that I don't repeat the mistake with someone else.

Contacting you again after all this time does seem to suggest some degree of commitment, to me - I don't know if I could bring myself to reach out again after all that time unless I really had been thinking of the person I'd run away from all that time.

The timing suggests maybe embarrassment and depression could have been in play here - it might have taken her that long to work up the confidence to talk to you again. She'd just been through an extremely emotional experience, followed by what sounds like a series of events that must have all added up to what may have seemed like the end of the world to her. I have a feeling there was more going on that she didn't tell you about, too.

It also sounds like this happened at a time of life when she's still growing up, and it might have taken a few weeks or months away for her to decide how she feels about you; given time to reflect on it, she may have decided that she does trust you and like you enough to stay with you.

You had every right to break up with her like that, but I'm not sure it was really the best thing to do yet. Her explanation may very well have just confirmed your suspicions that she's unreliable and inconsiderate, but the whole story, if she were willing and able to give it, might also have changed everything.

Eck, I just realized this is an older message - any feedback given to the original poster is going to be months after the fact