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Why are there so many stupid "feminist" blogs?

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AspieAnnie
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30 Mar 2015, 9:38 am

Is this actually a place where people aren't afraid to discuss both sides of feminism? I hope so...

Some modern feminists are (in my experience) very sadly quite often close-minded and using 'feminism' as an cure-all excuse to act like a b***h and say 'I can do X if I want to, because I AM WOMAN'.

Well I AM WOMAN and I believe in egalitarianism. And modern feminism fails to be truly egalitarian (if you actually analyse it, as my Aspie mind couldn't help but do).

E.g. I am not anti abortion, but saying 'it is a woman's right to control her body'... by that same logic you can't abort a female fetus until it is legally old enough to make decisions controlling ITS own body too. Whereas you can kill a male fetus. Um... what? And what about fathers' rights?

Also demonizing men for noticing slu*ty outfits... it is common knowledge that how we dress portrays a social message about ourselves - that is the nature of culture; i.e. smart for an interview, demure for a funeral, and sexy (e.g. cleavage out, short skirt) for sexual availability. Unless a man is blind, of course he will notice... as will other women, and everyone. Noticing doesn't automatically make a man a monster.

And being a 'sex positive feminist' does not mitigate a person's ability to hurt others by spreading sexual diseases e.g. HPV viruses (the silent cancer causers, currently classed as a global pandemic though still most people are completely ignorant of these - see wiki for a start). So being anti-promiscuity does not mean you are a 'prude' or 'right-wing' (like I have been accused of by feminists - both utterly untrue). In fact it can mean you are a lefty softy, afraid of hurting others. 'Sex positive feminism' should not be used as an excuse to do harm.

And don't get me started on the law; I myself was put with my mum when 8 years old (even though she was abusive) because I was female and the court give greater rights to mothers than fathers, especially regarding little girls (UK). My dad wouldn't hurt a fly and would have been much much more pleasant to grow up with...

And my ex cheated on me with my friend who called herself a 'feminist' and 'sex positive' which apparently gave her a right to use men. With total disregard of how it affected other women... Feminism should NOT be used as an excuse to be a b***h. Bitchism shouldn't exist...

In contrast one of my favourite ladies is 'old-school feminist' which is much more egalitarian and I agree with all of that. Sad that so many modern ones have wandered so far from that ideal... and so many appear blinded by their own dogma.

This is just a couple of examples of the dozens of ironies and logical fallacies found in modern feminist dogma. I myself as a typical Aspie have tried to logically and politely broach these topics in feminist forums out of genuine curiosity, and have instantly been shot down and called names like 'misogynist', just for asking questions regarding the differences between feminism and true egalitarianism... though my questions themselves were not answered in any way...

Anyone else experienced 'the feminist wall' against open discussion?



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30 Mar 2015, 10:24 am

It seems to me that the only way to encounter feminist blogs is to look for them. I've never read a blog written by someone I didn't know personally. Why are you looking for stuff that offends you?



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31 Mar 2015, 5:55 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
It seems to me that the only way to encounter feminist blogs is to look for them. I've never read a blog written by someone I didn't know personally. Why are you looking for stuff that offends you?


^^^ yes! This!!

Also, there is an idiot-proof way to deal with blogs (feminist or otherwise) that you dislike -- the "x" in the top right corner of your browser.

There are zillions of blogs. Surely you can find ones you don't hate.



Lazar_Kaganovich
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31 Mar 2015, 7:58 pm

Aaendi wrote:
I'm tired of these "know-it-alls" who clearly have no clue how dating works, acting like they're experts in the subject. They think all men match their own made-up preconception of how a man thinks. They have this delusion that they're some kind of sex goddess, that all men fantasize about having sex with, when they look hideous in their profile picture.

How long is this trend going to go on for?



They're looking to get attention and using their blogs as an outlet for their own personal dating problems. They want to feel superior to others AND elicit sympathy from others at the same time.



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31 Mar 2015, 10:47 pm

Aaendi wrote:
They state that "men are not entitled to sex or a relationship," but hypocritical ly claim that "women have the right date whomever they want."

They think if a guy does X, it actually means Y. What is a guy supposed to do or say that doesn't have her jump to the conclusion that he's a crazy misogynist who is obsessed with having sex with her. Sometimes X just means X, and that's it.

You aren't the only one to notice those double standards. I'm convinced at least half the pseudo-feminists bitching about "oppressive beauty standards" and "body image" are the female equivalent of guys bitching about being "friend-zoned" by women, right down to both of them being stereotypically hairy and overweight. They want beauty standards to convenience themselves personally but not their desired partners.

I also think a lot of women in general are clueless about how male sexual attraction works, or at least how it works for me. They take us to task for gravitating towards physically attractive girls first, saying we should date women for their personalities...but hold on, we're asking these girls out to begin with because we want to know whether their personalities are compatible. Physical attraction is only the first spark, but subtract it completely from the equation, and then we're just friends. At least this is how I always understood it. Unfortunately, once women who don't get that discover the feminist platform, their delusions form the bedrock of this insufferably sex-negative, anti-"objectification" moral crusade. And often fat-acceptance cults too.


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31 Mar 2015, 11:34 pm

BrandonSP wrote:
Aaendi wrote:
They state that "men are not entitled to sex or a relationship," but hypocritical ly claim that "women have the right date whomever they want."

They think if a guy does X, it actually means Y. What is a guy supposed to do or say that doesn't have her jump to the conclusion that he's a crazy misogynist who is obsessed with having sex with her. Sometimes X just means X, and that's it.

You aren't the only one to notice those double standards.

But “men are not entitled to sex or a relationship” and “women can date whomever they want” are not double standards. Because A) women are not entitled to sex or a relationship either it's just that the media doesn't feed us that notion the same way it does for men. B) men have the right to date whomever they want too. Will the person who they want to date always want to date them back? No. Then we go back to the first point about nobody being entitled to a relationship.

BrandonSP wrote:
I'm convinced at least half the pseudo-feminists bitching about "oppressive beauty standards" and "body image" are the female equivalent of guys bitching about being "friend-zoned" by women, right down to both of them being stereotypically hairy and overweight. They want beauty standards to convenience themselves personally but not their desired partners.

“Oppressive beauty standards” and "body image" are actually a real concern for both men and women. Comparing it to the friendzone is missing the point entirely. The friendzone doesn't cause people to under-eat to the point where they're severely malnourished and anorexic. The friendzone doesn't convince people they need to take steroids, or work themselves so hard they hurt themselves in an effort to achieve a “perfect body.” The friendzone is perpetuated by media...but that's really as similar as they get.



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01 Apr 2015, 1:29 pm

What I've learned from this forum:

Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.

In any other context this would be a ridiculous logical fallacy, but in the head of a sad lonely aspie guy (who invariably struggles with empathy and self-actualization issues) it makes sense.

I've been posting here off and on for a few years. When I started, I was single and successfully playing the field, now I'm married. There are other Aspie men (and women) like me with similiar stories but they are largely dismissed by people like the OP.

The overwhelming trend I've noticed on this forum is that the guys who aren't bitter/insecure about dating, don't get hung up on rejection and don't parrot tired old stereotypes and rules (alpha/beta, etc) tend to find relationships even if it takes some trial&error (this was the case for me.)

The ones that haven't made any progress at all are still here making "Nice Guy" threads and blaming feminism (the internet's go-to boogeyman) for all thier problems. They will still be here years from now unable to even get out of the starting gate because they are unable to recognize how it's thier attitudes (about themselves and others) that hold them back. Many of these guys want a relationship more than anything but don't bother because thier own research (backed up by sexist stereotypes about men and women) and low self-esteem tell them they can't.

PUA tactics especially are like dating Kryptonite to Aspie men. We don't have the social aptitude to behave that way without coming across as creepy and predatory. It takes what was merely a socially awkward guy and turns them into certified lady repellent.



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01 Apr 2015, 1:49 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
PUA tactics especially are like dating Kryptonite to Aspie men. We don't have the social aptitude to behave that way without coming across as creepy and predatory. It takes what was merely a socially awkward guy and turns them into certified lady repellent.

I'm not well-enough schooled in PUA tactics to really make a fair judgment. Some things I'm aware of ARE known to work and can work for pretty much anyone. Negging is extremely effective. What might make it work for aspies more so than others would be we're the last people on earth women would expect that from. It's just that with negging, we'd have to be a lot more subtle about it.

What I dislike about that particular tactic, btw, is it's purposefully manipulative. If you have to engineer misery in someone else's life to get them to like you, you have serious issues.

You can gain a lot of insight from PUA stuff more philosophically than anything else. It's not PUA concepts that are problematic…it's how they are actually put into practice. Like you're saying, SOME men might actually benefit from it as a sort of "support group." I don't think aspies are best served that way.



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01 Apr 2015, 4:15 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
What I've learned from this forum:

Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.

In any other context this would be a ridiculous logical fallacy, but in the head of a sad lonely aspie guy (who invariably struggles with empathy and self-actualization issues) it makes sense.

I've been posting here off and on for a few years. When I started, I was single and successfully playing the field, now I'm married. There are other Aspie men (and women) like me with similiar stories but they are largely dismissed by people like the OP.

The overwhelming trend I've noticed on this forum is that the guys who aren't bitter/insecure about dating, don't get hung up on rejection and don't parrot tired old stereotypes and rules (alpha/beta, etc) tend to find relationships even if it takes some trial&error (this was the case for me.)

The ones that haven't made any progress at all are still here making "Nice Guy" threads and blaming feminism (the internet's go-to boogeyman) for all thier problems. They will still be here years from now unable to even get out of the starting gate because they are unable to recognize how it's thier attitudes (about themselves and others) that hold them back. Many of these guys want a relationship more than anything but don't bother because thier own research (backed up by sexist stereotypes about men and women) and low self-esteem tell them they can't.

PUA tactics especially are like dating Kryptonite to Aspie men. We don't have the social aptitude to behave that way without coming across as creepy and predatory. It takes what was merely a socially awkward guy and turns them into certified lady repellent.



Confidence certainly plays a very big role in dating success, I give you that. But what makes confident people confident is not some internally cultivated zen-like state, but from actually getting RESULTS. Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you get.
Keep in mind that what worked for you doesn't necessarily work for others. There really is no simple formula or script for how to *find love*(and secks). As for trial & error, the worst thing that you can do is to try too hard. Because the fundamental theorem of social interaction is the harder you try, the dumber you look. The only rule that I have ever found to be consistently correct is that love happens when you're not actively looking for it(or at the very least you're not expecting it).

And furthermore, what makes any given person sexually attractive has very little to do with how they treat others and a lot to do with intrinsic traits they possess which are beyond their control that trigger a positive emotional response. For straight men, finding a mate is like going fishing. For straight women, it's like going shopping. So the most useful strategy for someone who is not very desirable is to try to market yourself to the right buyer, rather than trying to spruce yourself up to entice buyers who really don't *want* what you have to offer.

Men who can successfully date women often spew idealistic piffle or scathing mockery towards men who can't. Because dating in a society where people are free to choose and loose their partners at will is a competitive game with a lot of unspoken rules. You can't expect the winners to provide decent help to the losers. You just gotta figure out what works for you. I've gotten the best results by far from online dating as opposed to trying to pick up women IRL.



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01 Apr 2015, 6:31 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.


The trouble is, a lot of the successful people don't give them any dating advice but rather simply criticise them for not having the social skills to be successful. I think that you'll agree that one of the symptoms of AS is low social skills or a deficiency in social skills, in all areas of life, which aspies have to learn explicitly. Logcially, if having trouble with social skills is a symptom of AS, then they would also have trouble with dating because dating requires social skills and is a form of social interaction. Granted, having low social skills and having trouble with dating as a result, can lead to the low the self-esteem and attitude problem that you're talking about as a result but it's not the underlying cause of the problem. Therefore telling them that it's their attitude that's the only reason for not being successful is counterproductive and will only come off to them as criticism rather than dating advice, so of course they won't listen to it. If however, you give them advice on what to do to date successfully so that they learn the social skills necessary to be successful without criticising them for not having those social skills, then you might get a different result and they might no longer have such low self-esteem that they develop frustrations towards the opposite sex. Or perhapss, they will become more successful in dating and the issue won't develop in the first place.

For an example, take a look at this thread. The OP is only 16, which is an unusual age for an aspie to start dating or learn how to, and look at the results here due my own responses to him as well as others. Now compare that to the results that you would of gotten if most of the responses to him were "you are self-entitled because girls have no obligation to no obligation to like you", which is usually the response a lot of guys get here from the more successful people when they ask similar questions.:

http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=278545



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01 Apr 2015, 7:58 pm

Jono wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.


The trouble is, a lot of the successful people don't give them any dating advice but rather simply criticise them for not having the social skills to be successful. I think that you'll agree that one of the symptoms of AS is low social skills or a deficiency in social skills, in all areas of life, which aspies have to learn explicitly. Logcially, if having trouble with social skills is a symptom of AS, then they would also have trouble with dating because dating requires social skills and is a form of social interaction. Granted, having low social skills and having trouble with dating as a result, can lead to the low the self-esteem and attitude problem that you're talking about as a result but it's not the underlying cause of the problem. Therefore telling them that it's their attitude that's the only reason for not being successful is counterproductive and will only come off to them as criticism rather than dating advice, so of course they won't listen to it. If however, you give them advice on what to do to date successfully so that they learn the social skills necessary to be successful without criticising them for not having those social skills, then you might get a different result and they might no longer have such low self-esteem that they develop frustrations towards the opposite sex. Or perhapss, they will become more successful in dating and the issue won't develop in the first place.

For an example, take a look at this thread. The OP is only 16, which is an unusual age for an aspie to start dating or learn how to, and look at the results here due my own responses to him as well as others. Now compare that to the results that you would of gotten if most of the responses to him were "you are self-entitled because girls have no obligation to no obligation to like you", which is usually the response a lot of guys get here from the more successful people when they ask similar questions.:

http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=278545




I addressed this in the post above you, Jono. Dating is C0MPETITIVE. And when you have competition it's not enough to succeed, others must fail. That's why successful people tell those who are unsuccessful at dating "you have a sense of entitlement because women have no obligation to like you".....That kind of righteous bullsh*t amounts to "know your place and stay in it, lowly peasant!". Men who are successful at dating women are the WORST givers of dating advice because they really have no incentive to disclose the secrets to their success because that would mean they'd have competition.



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01 Apr 2015, 8:54 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Jono wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.


The trouble is, a lot of the successful people don't give them any dating advice but rather simply criticise them for not having the social skills to be successful. I think that you'll agree that one of the symptoms of AS is low social skills or a deficiency in social skills, in all areas of life, which aspies have to learn explicitly. Logcially, if having trouble with social skills is a symptom of AS, then they would also have trouble with dating because dating requires social skills and is a form of social interaction. Granted, having low social skills and having trouble with dating as a result, can lead to the low the self-esteem and attitude problem that you're talking about as a result but it's not the underlying cause of the problem. Therefore telling them that it's their attitude that's the only reason for not being successful is counterproductive and will only come off to them as criticism rather than dating advice, so of course they won't listen to it. If however, you give them advice on what to do to date successfully so that they learn the social skills necessary to be successful without criticising them for not having those social skills, then you might get a different result and they might no longer have such low self-esteem that they develop frustrations towards the opposite sex. Or perhapss, they will become more successful in dating and the issue won't develop in the first place.

For an example, take a look at this thread. The OP is only 16, which is an unusual age for an aspie to start dating or learn how to, and look at the results here due my own responses to him as well as others. Now compare that to the results that you would of gotten if most of the responses to him were "you are self-entitled because girls have no obligation to no obligation to like you", which is usually the response a lot of guys get here from the more successful people when they ask similar questions.:

http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=278545




I addressed this in the post above you, Jono. Dating is C0MPETITIVE. And when you have competition it's not enough to succeed, others must fail. That's why successful people tell those who are unsuccessful at dating "you have a sense of entitlement because women have no obligation to like you".....That kind of righteous bullsh*t amounts to "know your place and stay in it, lowly peasant!". Men who are successful at dating women are the WORST givers of dating advice because they really have no incentive to disclose the secrets to their success because that would mean they'd have competition.


Actually, it's when people start talking out of orifices other than their mouths that I start to think that they have no business giving dating advice whatsoever. Remind me, what's the male to female ratio of the human population again? Oh that's right, in any given society, it's usually approximately 51% male, 49% percent female (almost 50/50), therefore the numbers are sufficient for practically every human being on planet earth to pair up with another human being of opposite gender, so where is the shortage of potential mates such that dating has to be so competitive?

Also, regarding successful people not wanting to give dating advice, I know that's crap because I've personally received dating advice from successful people in real life, including a friend who is married. In fact, not only that but I also have absolutely no interest in his wife and he knows that. Just because you ask someone for dating advice, does not mean that you want to steal their wife or girlfriend, so saying that people don't want to give dating because they're afraid that you'll steal their wives or girlfriends (which is what you're arguing) is totally illogical.



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01 Apr 2015, 10:29 pm

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Jono wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.


The trouble is, a lot of the successful people don't give them any dating advice but rather simply criticise them for not having the social skills to be successful. I think that you'll agree that one of the symptoms of AS is low social skills or a deficiency in social skills, in all areas of life, which aspies have to learn explicitly. Logcially, if having trouble with social skills is a symptom of AS, then they would also have trouble with dating because dating requires social skills and is a form of social interaction. Granted, having low social skills and having trouble with dating as a result, can lead to the low the self-esteem and attitude problem that you're talking about as a result but it's not the underlying cause of the problem. Therefore telling them that it's their attitude that's the only reason for not being successful is counterproductive and will only come off to them as criticism rather than dating advice, so of course they won't listen to it. If however, you give them advice on what to do to date successfully so that they learn the social skills necessary to be successful without criticising them for not having those social skills, then you might get a different result and they might no longer have such low self-esteem that they develop frustrations towards the opposite sex. Or perhapss, they will become more successful in dating and the issue won't develop in the first place.

For an example, take a look at this thread. The OP is only 16, which is an unusual age for an aspie to start dating or learn how to, and look at the results here due my own responses to him as well as others. Now compare that to the results that you would of gotten if most of the responses to him were "you are self-entitled because girls have no obligation to no obligation to like you", which is usually the response a lot of guys get here from the more successful people when they ask similar questions.:

http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=278545




I addressed this in the post above you, Jono. Dating is C0MPETITIVE. And when you have competition it's not enough to succeed, others must fail. That's why successful people tell those who are unsuccessful at dating "you have a sense of entitlement because women have no obligation to like you".....That kind of righteous bullsh*t amounts to "know your place and stay in it, lowly peasant!". Men who are successful at dating women are the WORST givers of dating advice because they really have no incentive to disclose the secrets to their success because that would mean they'd have competition.


So all men who have some success at dating are just out to screw you over? Do you have any clue how ridiculously paranoid (not to mention sexist against men) that is? When you can't move beyond caveman logic, it's no surprise when you can't handle the social complexity of dating.



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01 Apr 2015, 10:51 pm

Jono wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Jono wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.


The trouble is, a lot of the successful people don't give them any dating advice but rather simply criticise them for not having the social skills to be successful. I think that you'll agree that one of the symptoms of AS is low social skills or a deficiency in social skills, in all areas of life, which aspies have to learn explicitly. Logcially, if having trouble with social skills is a symptom of AS, then they would also have trouble with dating because dating requires social skills and is a form of social interaction. Granted, having low social skills and having trouble with dating as a result, can lead to the low the self-esteem and attitude problem that you're talking about as a result but it's not the underlying cause of the problem. Therefore telling them that it's their attitude that's the only reason for not being successful is counterproductive and will only come off to them as criticism rather than dating advice, so of course they won't listen to it. If however, you give them advice on what to do to date successfully so that they learn the social skills necessary to be successful without criticising them for not having those social skills, then you might get a different result and they might no longer have such low self-esteem that they develop frustrations towards the opposite sex. Or perhapss, they will become more successful in dating and the issue won't develop in the first place.

For an example, take a look at this thread. The OP is only 16, which is an unusual age for an aspie to start dating or learn how to, and look at the results here due my own responses to him as well as others. Now compare that to the results that you would of gotten if most of the responses to him were "you are self-entitled because girls have no obligation to no obligation to like you", which is usually the response a lot of guys get here from the more successful people when they ask similar questions.:

http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=278545




I addressed this in the post above you, Jono. Dating is C0MPETITIVE. And when you have competition it's not enough to succeed, others must fail. That's why successful people tell those who are unsuccessful at dating "you have a sense of entitlement because women have no obligation to like you".....That kind of righteous bullsh*t amounts to "know your place and stay in it, lowly peasant!". Men who are successful at dating women are the WORST givers of dating advice because they really have no incentive to disclose the secrets to their success because that would mean they'd have competition.


Actually, it's when people start talking out of orifices other than their mouths that I start to think that they have no business giving dating advice whatsoever. Remind me, what's the male to female ratio of the human population again? Oh that's right, in any given society, it's usually approximately 51% male, 49% percent female (almost 50/50), therefore the numbers are sufficient for practically every human being on planet earth to pair up with another human being of opposite gender, so where is the shortage of potential mates such that dating has to be so competitive?




Where did you get those percentages from? Talk about pulling stuff out of your orifices!
Here's what the human sex ratio actually looks like:

Image

Red = female surplus, Blue = male surplus, Green = ~50/50 sex ratio

As you can see, both China and India have a huge surplus of men thanks to female gendercide. In China, there are far too few women for all the (straight)men to find partners so Chinese men are starting to go abroad in search of women(most of them who have the money to do so are going to Russia). And furthermore, I also happen to know that in MY country, many major cities have a significant gender imbalance when it comes to singles! See for yourself:

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I live in PDX(moved from Seattle earlier this year which has a HUGE surplus of single men)where there is a surplus of single men so that means that men here *do* have a lot more competition for women than vice versa. And even where there is a shortage of men, women by nature are much, much pickier than men for biological reasons so that means even when single men are the minority, they still have to compete with each other. Even if every city and every nation had the kind of gender balance of singles that you speak of, there still is going to be competition because there is No. Possible. Way. That everyone will have the opportunity to find every single person out there willing to date, mate and procreate with them.



Geekonychus
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01 Apr 2015, 10:54 pm

Jono wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Jono wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Apperently the only "real experts" on dating are the guys who can't find a successful relationship, carry on a conversation with and/or can't get along with women. It's way easier to listen to a "forever alone" reinforce your cognative feedback loop (by confirming sexist stereotypes and your own sense of low self-worth) then it is to listen to someone who can actually successfully date. This is why the opinion of a women (especially a feminist one who can successfully date) is so useless to them.


The trouble is, a lot of the successful people don't give them any dating advice but rather simply criticise them for not having the social skills to be successful. I think that you'll agree that one of the symptoms of AS is low social skills or a deficiency in social skills, in all areas of life, which aspies have to learn explicitly. Logcially, if having trouble with social skills is a symptom of AS, then they would also have trouble with dating because dating requires social skills and is a form of social interaction. Granted, having low social skills and having trouble with dating as a result, can lead to the low the self-esteem and attitude problem that you're talking about as a result but it's not the underlying cause of the problem. Therefore telling them that it's their attitude that's the only reason for not being successful is counterproductive and will only come off to them as criticism rather than dating advice, so of course they won't listen to it. If however, you give them advice on what to do to date successfully so that they learn the social skills necessary to be successful without criticising them for not having those social skills, then you might get a different result and they might no longer have such low self-esteem that they develop frustrations towards the opposite sex. Or perhapss, they will become more successful in dating and the issue won't develop in the first place.

For an example, take a look at this thread. The OP is only 16, which is an unusual age for an aspie to start dating or learn how to, and look at the results here due my own responses to him as well as others. Now compare that to the results that you would of gotten if most of the responses to him were "you are self-entitled because girls have no obligation to no obligation to like you", which is usually the response a lot of guys get here from the more successful people when they ask similar questions.:

http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=278545




I addressed this in the post above you, Jono. Dating is C0MPETITIVE. And when you have competition it's not enough to succeed, others must fail. That's why successful people tell those who are unsuccessful at dating "you have a sense of entitlement because women have no obligation to like you".....That kind of righteous bullsh*t amounts to "know your place and stay in it, lowly peasant!". Men who are successful at dating women are the WORST givers of dating advice because they really have no incentive to disclose the secrets to their success because that would mean they'd have competition.


Actually, it's when people start talking out of orifices other than their mouths that I start to think that they have no business giving dating advice whatsoever. Remind me, what's the male to female ratio of the human population again? Oh that's right, in any given society, it's usually approximately 51% male, 49% percent female (almost 50/50), therefore the numbers are sufficient for practically every human being on planet earth to pair up with another human being of opposite gender, so where is the shortage of potential mates such that dating has to be so competitive?

Also, regarding successful people not wanting to give dating advice, I know that's crap because I've personally received dating advice from successful people in real life, including a friend who is married. In fact, not only that but I also have absolutely no interest in his wife and he knows that. Just because you ask someone for dating advice, does not mean that you want to steal their wife or girlfriend, so saying that people don't want to give dating because they're afraid that you'll steal their wives or girlfriends (which is what you're arguing) is totally illogical.

Spot on with that last paragraph^^^^


I think the part that you're misunderstanding about my post (and what I've said before in other threads) is that while social skill deficits are a huge struggle, they are not insurmountable. There are plenty of women and who like awkward guys. There are numerous stories on this forum alone that prove this case.

However, if you are socially awkward AND have a bitter sexist attitude (like the kind promoted by PUAs), that is a deficit that they'll never be able to overcome. The numerous guys in this forum who have been spouting alpha/beta nonsense for years and getting nowhere kind of prove this.

Simple equation:

Awkward + Kind = Dateable
Suave + Jerk= Dateable
Awkward + Jerk = Lady Repellent (You're typical "Nice Guy(TM)" falls into this category.)

In other words..... it's the social skills that make dating difficult, it's the attitude that makes it impossible.



Lazar_Kaganovich
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02 Apr 2015, 12:26 am

Geekonychus wrote:


I think the part that you're misunderstanding about my post (and what I've said before in other threads) is that while social skill deficits are a huge struggle, they are not insurmountable. There are plenty of women and who like awkward guys. There are numerous stories on this forum alone that prove this case.

However, if you are socially awkward AND have a bitter sexist attitude (like the kind promoted by PUAs), that is a deficit that they'll never be able to overcome. The numerous guys in this forum who have been spouting alpha/beta nonsense for years and getting nowhere kind of prove this.

Simple equation:

Awkward + Kind = Dateable
Suave + Jerk= Dateable
Awkward + Jerk = Lady Repellent (You're typical "Nice Guy(TM)" falls into this category.)

In other words..... it's the social skills that make dating difficult, it's the attitude that makes it impossible.



Attitude is NOT what helps you get dates/get laid. What does the trick is finding people who are sexually attracted to you and otherwise want what you have to offer. Attitude is in your control, but your sex appeal to others is beyond it. Nice Guys(TM) start out as socially awkward men who are taught by their female relatives, feel good movies, and (older)women growing up that kindness and positive attitude is what wins over the ladies. Then they discover through experience that this just won't cut it and turn to PickUp Artistry and resentful bitterness/misogyny(when they finally realize that neither kindness/positivity nor PUA tactics actually work). What they need to do is find women who are attracted to them and aren't bothered by their awkwardness and surprise surprise, these women do exist! Albeit they are difficult to find.

I was given advice a lot like what your giving when I was in my teens before I met my first gf at the tend age of 19. And despite my pessimism and negative attitude towards women, she liked me for who and what I was. :D Now, you're inclined to think that it was my alleged misogyny and bad attitude that resulted in things not working out but it was actually a whole bunch of other factors that I won't go into here that brought an end to that relationship.

So guys: Find a chick who likes you for YOU.