Diningroom wrote:
I'd recommend that you work on your social skills rather than your abs -- for girls to throw themselves at you based 100% on your "physical attributes", you'd need to be 5+ standard deviations from the mean gorgeous, which is statistically unlikely, regardless of how much time you spend working on your six pack.
(A childhood friend, A, is a knockout -- a head-turningly drop-dead gorgeous gorgeous girl who paid for college modeling for LL Bean, Delia's, etc. -- who is still single because she's a highly strung nutcase. And it takes a LOT of nutcase to offset that much pretty... but she nevertheless manages to).
There's also no way for a girl to know if she actually likes you (versus just thinks you're hot) without getting to know her at least a little bit. So even if your time in the gym turned you into an Adonis... well, it still wouldn't guarantee you'd NEVER be rejected.
Finally, the vast majority of folks don't look like models and nevertheless manage to have boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses... so the fact that you're currently single is overwhelmingly NOT because of just how you look.
You are correct that the only surefire way to determine whether or not someone has the hots for you is to get to know them; but do NOT be fooled into thinking that befriending someone who you find attractive is going to make them want to date you! NTs are able to pick up on body language and non-verbal cues that indicate attraction.
Much of social interaction requires nonverbal communication perception skills that many Aspies just don't have.
Yes you should work on your social skills, but depending on the severity of your Asperger syndrome, you may not advance to the point where you have really mastered the art of social intercourse.
If you lack social skills, your best bet is to figure out a way to compensate for it rather than trying hard to be something you're not and/or pretending you have skills which you obviously don't. Feigning confidence, when done badly, makes you seem arrogant and aggressive and that REALLY turns people off. Especially women. They can tell when you fake it. And if you're gonna fake it, you'd better know how to pull it off.
You don't get credit from strangers for making an effort at being suave; you get credit for doing it well without putting much effort into it.
A lot of Aspies are just not able to compete socially with NTs. And it's better to develop things that we *can* offer rather than putting too much time and hard work into something we're never going to be good at.
11 Apr 2015, 1:55 pm
