Marriage Breakdown

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Theres just so much wrong here, man.
Shes met an aspie before so she knows the deal? If you have had a girlfriend before, do you know what all future girlfriends like because they were women? no of course not. Categorizing an entire person in the simple frame of a diagnosis is abusive and arrogant behaviour even from a random stranger, not mention your wife! She who should be the one to know you better than anyone should never categorize you simply by a diagnosis. Being an aspie defines your challenges, not WHO YOU are.

Do you trust her enough to share your hopes, dreams and vulnerabilities? Do you think you ever will? If not, are you okay being in a relationship where you cannot trust the other person with your emotions? Is that even a relationship? Emotions are hard for everyone, but particularly so for aspies. They are diffcult to understand and communicate. For me it is one of the most precious things I could give to person. Are you okay with those precious emotions being ridiculed?

Disagreements and arguments are one thing, but this seems to be toxic personal attacks. Thats a really bad place to be.
There should be room for criticism in a relationship, however outright ridicule is never okay.

This next part is basic but it needs to be said: Communication is two way street. It is about coding and de-coding. Sending and receiving. If the receiver is not de-coding correctly, you need to change the transmission. For aspies this is hard, but most of us try to improve. She apparently feels that whatever she wants to communicate is important enough to be said, but not important enough to ensure that you understand it. If it really was that important for her that you understand it, she would have found a way.

You are in a toxic, abusive relationship, and it probably would be better for you both to end it.

While I am just a random autistic voice on the internet, I do hope you understand that unless your dayjob is being a serial killer, you do not deserve to be treated this way!

I'm no angel, I have frustration issues. I used to be easy going til my last relationship broke me. I was with a manipulator. I now fight against any manipulation tactics. This may be a problem. I don't know.
When I think I'm right, I will fight tooth and nail to at least get my point across. My wife says I am too good at the insults. I can accept that. It's when we are both hurting she doesn't seem to want to apologize for her side and I feel that I have to take all the blame in every argument to keep the peace.
Afterwards, I have to clean up the mess to her needs only. She only accepts apologies on her terms, i.e. it has to be phrased just right in the format she wants. Even if it is something that she recites and I parrot. She does the same to her daughter.
I appreciate help understanding social interactions but I hate being told what to say.

We all have problems, but abuse is abuse no matter who you are. Also the tl:dr edit of what you just said is that she only accepts your relationship on her and only her conditions. Is that a place you are OK being in? do you really think that will ever change?

Yeah, I think we're both getting drained by this. If there isn't any positive change soon for both of us, I'm going to exit the relationship.

BTW Shoggothgoat love your avatar pic, that game is so fun. Plus the Lovecraftian name is quite cool.

Shoggothgoat, you pretty much spoke my mind. There's no other way to convey what I just read.

DJ, even if you see positive change or some glimmer of a change, be careful that it isn't an insincere or temporary item to prevent you from leaving. You also may want to set a quantifiable deadline.

And my own perfectly "ignorable" view on this is that, if your relationship were to be likened to a house, it would be already past the point where renovations are possible. Routine, no holds barred aggression where she ridicules not only your emotions, but your Asperger weaknesses (this is stuff we are insecure about since we're born.) is a sign of someone that takes you for granted, sees you as an inferior rather than an equal and is confident you won't leave your comfort zone/the relationship.

Thanks. Goat simulator is absurdly fun! except flappy goat...grrr. Im actually working my way through the book The Complete Fiction of H. P. Lovecraft, its a whole lotta fun!

It sounds based on what you are telling us is that your wife needs help in controlling her problem with PTSD (first and foremost, as I think the OCD would be easier to control). You may have to drop this bombshell and communicate to her:

"Darling, I love you. But I need you to listen to me now. I feel you need help and I am asking you to go see a counsellor on your own as well. If you can't do this for me, we will have to reconsider this marriage."

Although i am not an advocate for ultimatums, this seems like one of those extreme situations where one needs to be given.

I was thinking of abuse as well. Glad to see I am not the only one who thought that.

OP as stupid as it sounds, let us know how it turns out.