Is this unethical?

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Frankly, if impressing your friends with an attractive girlfriend is a major concern of yours, you may be too shallow to hold up your end of a serious relationship.

Is this the same woman from that horrible thread a while back or do you have a habit of dating women you barely even like or respect? In any case, break up with her. Now.

Actually, it's pretty common in long-distance relationships to not see each other for months at a time. If he wants to date other women then must break up with her. Otherwise, I'd still consider that cheating.

You're setting up dates while you're still with someone?
Yeah, that's a pretty scummy thing to do.

But I guess it's ok if they're really pretty.

It's the long distance thing that's throwing me off. I don't really think of LDR as an actual romantic relationship. There are always exceptions, but I think they're recipes for disaster. If you can't be together, be honest with yourselves, call it done, and be with who you want to be with.

I'm not sure if we're really in a true relationship. I can count the number of times I've seen her in meatspace on one hand. It lasted for about a month. She'd spend her weekends at my place. That's why I got mad with the whole thing, she expects me to wait for almost a year when we were only together for a month in the first place.

However, she thinks we're in a relationship. She refers to me as her boyfriend and gets made if I don't address her as "babe" or "baby". She got mad when I addressed her by name and it was a contracted version of her name anyway.

The trouble is, I've got only a chance with these other girls. One has stopped responding and the other says she's busy for the next few weeks (which might give her time to lose interest). She says she's interested in a long term relationship (unlike the girl who stopped responding) but just because I may get a date with her that's no guarantee that we'll like each other.

I fail to understand how "I'm busy for the next few weeks" translates into "I'm interested in you and would like to see if there is a chance for a long term relationship"

Like I said with a previous post, you are better off casually dating until you can figure out what you want. Your experience with this gf of yours seems to indicate that you don't want to be alone either.

She said she was busy for a few weeks and then she would go out with me. We already have a venue in mind.

Who is taking bets on the odds they will have a date? Anyone?

RetroGamer, she is NOT interested in you, period. I ran 3 times a week, played hockey 3 times a week and played another night of sports this winter. I still managed to date with little problem and am ready to be engaged within the next month. She is just trying to let you down gently: personally I find it cruel but you might as well get used to it now as this behaviour is quite common from online dating sites.

It's not that she will cool off after a few weeks, it's the simple fact that she was never interested in the first place.

In that case it's a good thing I didn't break it off with gf. I came this close though. She's far from ideal but she's the only girl in recent times who expressed any interest in me. Hell, the last two girls before her stood me up. And this month two different girls say they'll go out with me and I'll probably never meet either one of them. If girls on dating sites typically act like this, standing me up, letting me down gently, etc, I have little chance of getting anyone else. It took me three and a half years to get into one relationship. If it takes that long again, I'll be in my 30s.

You really dodged a bullet there. You almost rejected a sure thing, in favor of what? A promise? Not to mention, a false one? That's a really naive thing to do. At your age, you should know better by now. You should have treaded more carefully, especially with something like online dating. Maybe it's different in Australia, but in the US, when it comes to meeting someone online, you DON'T HAVE a date until you actually meet in person. All the flirty conversations and all the ideas on where to meet, they mean absolutely nothing until that person is standing in front of you. And even if you met those girls, they could easily say: "Thanks for lunch, but this ain't going to work out." Most importantly, if your girlfriend found out you're hunting for dates online, she'd break up with you and she'd be right.

And if you were to do the breaking-up, think about what you would say to your girlfriend. "Two online girls who are more attractive agreed to date me"? Or the somewhat better-sounding "I've developed feelings for somebody else"? Most importantly, you would have lost your girlfriend AND never gotten those online dates, sticking yourself with another few years of loneliness.

At this point, just forgive yourself and perhaps suspend your OKCupid account, to keep yourself from getting tempted.

Man, you can be incredibly frustrating to deal with. I would have given up ages ago if not for the fact I've been in your shoes (and am an obsessive Retro Gamer myself). Yes, even eHarmony (far and away the best site) was full of flaky, ambivalent women. Get used to it because it's not going away. In my experience, only about 20% of the women I talked to on OKCupid even met me and NEVER went on a second date no matter how perfectly the date went. Again, on the surface I am quite attractive: work for one of my province's largest employers, tall, slim, athletic, etc and even I had no luck. Literally God himself would not be able to get a second date and you need to stop taking it so personally.

So what if you are in your 30s? My GF is almost 40 but her lack of experience never even crossed my mind. If I could go back in time, I would have loved to lose my virginity to her even at the ripe age of 32. I hate to be blunt but it may take 3 years or more but it's because of YOUR attitude: you sound like a whiny teenager at times not a 27 year old man. Do you really think you will be happy with someone who is 'good enough' since she is clinging to you (classic Borderline behavior) but causes you to go online and complain constantly? Give your head a shake. Again.

I've gone out with many women and one thing is obvious: they all want men to be men. In other words, those who are bold, lead, protect and be masculine. Even my feminist girlfriend who loves her independence and equality loves when I am assertive and dominating with her. Just from your writing, it sure seems like you are too scared of what others think. Stop that!

You may be right.I'm pretty inexperienced.A few months ago she said I was likely to do something like that. I think she knows she's not thin and attractive. Her dad tells her to lose weight as well. Her dad also tells her she's not pretty enough and made her start a nursing degree even though nursing is one of the most horrible, overworked jobs. I'm not sure if she can handle 12 or 14 hour days (I know I couldn't). Worse yet, nurses are on their feet all the time. I couldn't handle that either gf is less fit than me. She has a typical walking speed of about one meter every two seconds. I think they wouldn't hire a nurse who moves that slowly. Maybe all that walking will make her fit and then she'll be able to walk fast enough to get to the patients in a more timely fashion.She told me to do that as well. The worst part is she asks me why I'm with her, as though she thinks she's not good enough for me and I have a difficult time answering that question without demeaning both of us.It's even more frustrating having to be me.Really? I got less dates from eHarmony than other sites (zero). So much so that I consider the year and a half I spent on eHarmony to be the wasted years. That was a few years ago, maybe they've improved. If what you're saying is correct, maybe I shouldn't have passed up the 93% off sale they had last week.

Back in the day, it bugged me that the girls also needed a subscription to reply back yet seemingly none of them had subscriptions. It should be that only one party needs a subscription. They could still make money that way.What percentage of women who said they would date you dated you?Yeah, I only take it personally when they say they're actually going to date me. Anyway, God would be over their age limit. Most of them say they're seeking a guy from 18 - 25.Uhmm, but she's not a guy.

I wouldn't care about a girl being inexperienced. No guy would. But the $64,000 question is do girls care about how experienced guys are?

Really. I'm asking. I don't really know much about how women think.Yeah, I know. Last night I was prepared to write a long rant about how doomed I am but it was after midnight so I crashed.Without her, I may not be able to get anyone.She's not quite so clingly. She did jet to Sydney are all.

Yes I realize that's also a bad thing for her to do.OK, taking the lead sounds like a good idea. Should I take the lead immediately upon making contact with them or when I know them well enough to predict their actions?I'll say I am. What other people think of me is my primary motivation in life. If I wasn't paranoid about what other people think of me I would still be happily unemployed.

OK, if you're going to date a girl who you're not attracted to---just like many aspie guys have been doing for centuries, and will continue doing, until some giant asteroid hits this sorry excuse for a planet---for the love of everything decent, do NOT let her know that you're settling for her. Make her feel beautiful and special any way you can, no matter how unattractive she is in your eyes. That's what I did with the first girl I ever dated, someone I wasn't attracted to at all. But I still took her to the most romantic places I could afford, which, in my college freshman year, was a touristy riverfront promenade. You need to start doing the same for your girlfriend. Get over yourself; by wishing you had a better-looking girlfriend, you're breaking the 10th Commandment (or if you're not religious, just being immoral).

Here's a fun suggestion: do some exercise activities together with your girlfriend. Zumba is all the rage is the US nowadays; I'm sure there are classes in Australia too. Sign up, and invite her to join you. It's like a Latin aerobics dance. Difficulty levels depend on the instructor. Some Zumba moves look sexy on girls, even big girls, but downright silly on guys. Well, that's a sacrifice you'll have to make for her happiness. Not to mention she'll look sexy to you. Just remember to look at the instructor or at your girlfriend, not at other girls in the class.

You got your girlfriend wondering why you're with her; that's not good. And for the love of everything decent, don't tell her the truth. Do what I explained in the above paragraph. Make her feel special and beautiful. Take her to romantic places. And don't be date-hunting on a website that's more flaky than a box of corn (maize) cereal. If another girl shows real interest in you (not a false "we'll meet sometime" promise), and you develop true feelings for her (not just see her as a looks upgrade), then be honest with your girlfriend with the break-up. The "I developed feelings for somebody else" explanation is kind of mean, but at least honest.

i think we both know it is but i don't judge you for it.

I gave her a bunch of presents today if that helps.[/quote]Here's a fun suggestion: do some exercise activities together with your girlfriend. Zumba is all the rage is the US nowadays; I'm sure there are classes in Australia too. Sign up, and invite her to join you.[/quote]Yeah, I was thinking hiking. Also, another plan is to wait for her to become a nursing intern and later a nurse. That much exercise will cause her to lose weight.I will try. I took her to this place she wanted to go to, she had been talking about it excitedly for weeks but when we got there she was really melancholy. She didn't even let me buy her anything there. She just looked at everything and said how great it was and when I asked her what she wanted she sadly said she didn't want anything.

I think she might have depression. I don't hold that against her. If she has depression I want to make her happy but I'm not sure how. Depressed people don't seem to respond to things that would make non-depressed people happy.

Also, I think it's a good idea to make her feel special but how can I do that when she already has a very low opinion of herself?