Dating/Pushing people away

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My thoughts usually include...

* Will they take advantage of how gullible and trusting I am?
* Are they wanting something from me (money, car, housing, etc)
* Are they going to interfere with how I spend my time being alone?
* Do they want me to be more sociable?

And I don't feel like listing any more....but you get the idea.

I'm also notorious for finding a minor flaw in someone who is interested in me then refusing to look past that flaw. One time a bunch of guys were hot for this one girl because she had a nice ass....but me? I thought she had grandma elbows so that totally ruined it for me. My nickname thereafter became Shallow Hal.

Mine's "Shallow Demon" which is way cooler sounding. (sounds like Shadow Demon)

I'm glad that's so unlikely to happen to me, because I'd be disgusted at how cheap that person's love is, and I guess this would greatly offend them.



Who said everybody deserves it?



I don't think that has much to do with deserving it. Anyway, reciprocating any kind of affection can be really hard.

Remind him that a relationship is a mutual effort with understanding and empathy from both parties. It can be very difficult for us to break out of our shell, our lifestyle of routine and rigid structure. We are much more likely to be overwhelmed by overbearing emotional pressure or attachment so sometimes you have to accept that we need our own space.

Sometimes people on the spectrum can withdraw completely and that can be very difficult..the best thing you can do is leave them to decide if they want to open up to you.

Yes, I noticed that sometimes people on the spectrum withdraw completely, especially when they seem to get closer to you, at first. And I think it has to do with fear of many things (risk of rejection, change of routine and lifestyle, etc), but mostly with the fear of feeling constantly overwhelmed by emotions and feelings, of losing control of their lives. It would be nice if they try to explain, instead of running away silently, closing every communication, and making us feel as we had made something wrong, as we are wrong. It can be very very painful.
Anyway, thanks for your reply, but I gave up with my aspie friend:I can't spend all my life begging for a friendship that he's not willing to give me. But I wanted to tell my story here, because I desired to highlight how sad and painful can be rejection, especially when it is unexplained, even for us NTs! And I would like to point out that all the situation could be managed very differently: being totally honest and talking, instead of treating the other people as they suddendly stop to even exist!!
Thank you

Two big ones, and they are so hard to deal with. I have at least had some understanding girlfriends in this capacity, at least with the sociable aspect. It's much harder getting someone to understand that you need time to think silently or be alone. The constant noise of living with someone else can also be very difficult.

Simple: if someone loves me, then their standards must be extremely low, and that disgusts me.



I think love and respect as a human being have to be earned. And fortunately it’s not equally likely for everyone to be romantically loved or fancied. For some of us, the ability to notice such a thing would be about as relevant to our lives as the ability to tell instantly when, somewhere on Earth, a frog has grown hair.

Dating is in many ways a VERY complicated thing. I think this kind of behavior is common across a lot of groups and for a variety of reasons. Sometimes people just don't click or problems surface. There are people I have met who I imagine a date with would send me running the other way.

Why is that?