Advice for OK Cupid Profiles

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A 'problem' men here would love to have. Do you honestly think the destitute men here would be complaining that women don't concentrate on their profile enough? No. This is a problem of privilege. You are spoiled for choice.

Understand that this is like complaining about having too many channels you don't like on your new television to someone who can't afford a television.

Also, this is not related, but FYI, the reason they haven't crafted a message tailored to your profile (something that takes far, far longer than going through your inbox) is because they literally can't do this given both the necessity to play a numbers game and the time constraints of life in a system that they are disadvantaged in and that women (who still manage to b***h of course) are advantaged in.


That's just a complaint that women make without showing any evidence of it. Can you read their minds? We always hear this but almost every man I've known wanted a relationship, this is the norm and women know it, especially you if you've actually listened to the men talk on this forum (as opposed to just dismissing their problems as equal to yours). But there's no point in arguing it because it doesn't even matter. Even if it was true, it still means there's an enormous disparity in power when it comes to sex.


You complained earlier about men messaging you without anything to indicate they've read your profile and now you're complaining that 'nice guys' don't say hi? What do you mean by 'nice guys' I wonder? Are you sure you don't mean 'guys who are more attractive than me'?

I think I've figured out the problem. It's not that men "don't read your profile". That's just an excuse for rejecting men on your own level. Your problem that the good looking 6'1 white guys aren't messaging you. For these 'nice guys' a 'hi' will suffice. That's what I've seen looking at OKCupid experiments and I can't see any way your experience would be different. I think a look at your inbox would be very telling.

Also, how many men did you send messages to?


'Easy' is relative and yes it's easy for you if we're using the male experience to describe 'hard'.

they'd likely reject the nice guys anyways. the guy who just want sex are the hot ones.

crafter long messages that tailored to profiles take hour or more to do , all to just have it ignored and be rejected. I spent a lot of time doing messages like she said and they didn't help at all yet guys who just say hi, get dates. I really don't think most women care about message length or whats in it. aspie women do seem to but they'll so rare and they just as picky as nts, so hardly worth gearing messages towards them.

so as someone who would send out 10 or so hour + long written messages it became clear it was pointless waste of time. now if you had to send out 100+ of those you'd never have time do do anything else. but if you just send out 200 hi how are you. and get 10 responses you're better off then I was. fyi most the responses I got was with shy how are you messages.

Exactly. What a surprise the only person that knows this is a man

:_(

Just write the whole profile as if you aren't taking it very seriously..

Again, the advice in this thread is tailored and suited more towards females.

For males, women will mainly look at your profile photo, picture combination, salary, income and profile in entirety and a few jokes might not help you. Dating websites are far more competitive places for men because of the ratio of men to women.

If you are very serious about online dating or meeting a long term partner that is serious, you might be best with something like match.com or a paid website..places like OkCupid are meat markets and hook up places for people who meet a certain physical criteria or bar.

I have had hotel flings from the site, never a girlfriend but it isn't easy. You have to present yourself in the best possible way or light and put a lot of effort into it.

If they look interesting to you, why don't you say hi instead?

I always need advice for my profile, I never know to tell the truth or not about my condition! There are some blogs I read about creating a decent profile, might be worth reading them? http://www.wowdate.co.uk/proven-tricks- ... g-profile/

Because I'm transgender, okay? Guys like my picture, then avoid me once they discover that. This is why it's really important to read the profile. I do "like" them, they read my profile, and I never hear back.

So, you know, wtf do I know, I only spent half my life living as a male, and dated women. I sort of had a pretty good idea what straight women would like, because I wanted the same thing. But I didn't care about what I wanted at the time.

When guys do message me with any indication at all they read my profile, I read theirs, and most of those I've messaged back.

OKC has the best functionality, and is the only popular site with good support for people other than plain male or female, so it's what I use.

I'm not saying I know what it's like to be a biological female, but the hormones do give me a pretty good picture of what it feels like, emotionally.

It's beautiful, and it hurts a lot.

So if women aren't flinging themselves at you, it might just be because a relationship is an enormous emotional investment, your kisses and attention are powerfully addictive, and it's likely to be really, really painful if you then leave.

So it's up to you if you want to go through life thinking women are simply entitled or have it easy or whatever. I don't think that's helpful in your pursuit of them, though.

Hey, Cinnabot, I'm sorry if I touched a nerve. It was only meant as a genuine question. I never said I thought women are entitled or have it easier.

Hmm think of it as a job application, you want to write a sentence in each box highlighting your best strengths and traits, not tons of information.

Again, none of it matters if you don't have the presentation or appearance down to a sharp tee.

It's weird and creepy to send super-long "crafted" introductory messages... and then complain you don't hear back from the women you sent them to.

As if you are "owed" anything by random women who've posted a profile on a dating site.

its bad to not seend long messages.
its creepy to send long messages.

so really what your'e saying is men should never message women.

they feel owed a man and his income for posting thiers. also fyi I think every living human on this planet is owed the self respect of being one. ie saying sorry no thanks takes 1 second treats someone with the same respect you want.

why are women the only ones owed stuff.

I really don't want what began as a good, advice thread to continue turning into just another "foreverlonely men ignoring legit advice/criticism from women and wondering why women don't like them" thread. So, man to men, I'm offering some more advice about okc and online dating.

1: Take advice from women. This should be a no-brainer. So many 'nice guys' who reply to women so dismissively. The first step to solving the problem is admitting you have one. You're not 'foreverlonely' because you have problems, but because you're unwilling to fix them.

2: Yes. Receiving a deluge of creepy messages actually sucks. Telling women that it's "a 'problem' men would love to have" isn't going to change that fact. They experience it, and they don't like it. End of story. It's not about how much you would like it. If women don't like it, then obviously you won't have any luck in persisting to send quick impersonal messages.

3:

This is the ultimate example of phallacious dating logic (sorry, I meant 'fallacious' [No wait, I really meant 'phallacious']).
If you're treating dating as a numbers game, you clearly don't respect women. You're just trying to win a prize. If you can't make time to write a thoughtful message to someone, then it's probably because you actually don't give a crap about them. I'd seen too many people in high school who were simply in love with the idea of a relationship, rather than the person they were dating. It's a real problem.
I rarely send out messages, but when I do, it's to someone I'm genuinely interested in. I write a short paragraph. Mention some things we have in common. Ask them a few things about themselves; possibly asking for more details about something their profile mentioned. Maybe about 50% respond? Fancy that. It has a better success rate than sending out hundreds of "Hey" or "Hi, how are you?" messages.
Also, you really underestimate the sheer volume and creepiness of the messages women receive. And complaining that women 'b***h' about their problems is very much the pot calling the kettle black. I could go on and on about how awful the rest of your post was, and how well it showed why you're not having any luck, but I just don't actually want to help someone who treats dating as a numbers game.

4: If you're told that women don't owe you anything, it doesn't mean they think you owe them something.
If you're told that you need to bring something to the table in a relationship, it doesn't mean women aren't bringing anything to the table.

5: The reason women don't reply, "Sorry, I'm not interested," to you is because A: They really do get an overabundance of messages. B: Many men take that as an invitation to argue with the woman about why she should be interested, and invalidate their feelings. I understand that no response at all is worse than a confirmed no, but... get over it.

6: Avoid enablers who keep telling you that women have it so much easier. Learn to look inward. Self-improvement does not mean you're "changing who you are for others". It's possible to simply become a better version of yourself.

P.S. To women: Stay away from men who treat you as part of a 'numbers game'. You deserve more respect than that.

I wish I had a "Like" button for this! It isn't that hard to write a decent first message, but it does wonders to boost first impressions. I've gotten a few "Hi" messages myself, some from women that actually look like decent matches, but for the most part I just ignore them. - and if I'm ignoring them as someone who doesn't get very many unsolicited messages, imagine how someone who gets quite a few will feel. I have a pretty high response rate also, and I'm certainly no supermodel or millionaire. It's largely because I only send out messages to people who I truly have a good amount in common with, and I take the time to make the message thoughtful and show some interest, but still keep it short and simple. When I message people that I don't have that much in common with, I have almost a 0% response rate, largely because they can see the lack of commonality also.

well as stated above apparently longer messages are seen as creepy. so if you write a short hi one you bad if you right a longer one you bad. so seems men are just abad.