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Anyone who lost their virginity before/in college pls help

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Spiderpig
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08 Aug 2015, 9:25 am

I have real trouble parsing that as an answer to my question. Is your point that consent in itself is a bad thing?


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Spiderpig
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08 Aug 2015, 9:44 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Make sure you both use "protection."


That's yet another point regarding which people who already have regular sex and are thus justified to continue to have it seem to live in a completely different world from the likes of me. No protection is perfect, and this is often held as one of the many reasons why young people should be stopped from having sex for as long as possible. But, when I see people who've had sex regularly from an early age talk about it, it suddenly looks like there is such thing as enough protection, and those so very strong reasons to abstain from sex don't exist.

They tend to reäppear, though, when the possibility that their own children have sex pops up, especially their daughters.

Needless to say, the doubt makes me think I shouldn't have sex. But I'd surely throw these worries out the window if I had a chance.


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rdos
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08 Aug 2015, 10:05 am

Spiderpig wrote:
And why exactly can't sex be a "positive" interaction?


It can be, but it can't be the primary positive interaction. I'd say sex is more of a bonus (if you like it) than the primary objective to achieve.



Spiderpig
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08 Aug 2015, 10:10 am

Why can't it be the primary positive interaction?


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Deuterium
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08 Aug 2015, 10:13 am

Consider that when we try to rush things for no real reason at all, we tend to end up with a lesser experience than the expectation we had been holding on to.



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08 Aug 2015, 10:14 am

IDK what country you live in, but in the US if you have sex with a girl in college when she is drunk you could get into SERIOUS TROUBLE including getting expelled (or worse?) and it will go on your "permanent record".

OTOH if a girl invites you to have sex with her when she is clearly sober then go for it if you are at all interested. Although I would recommend asking a few questions first such as how she will react if you have "performance anxiety" plus remember your first sexual encounter with her doesn't necessarily have to include intercourse.

More likely, unless you develop a campus-wide reputation as complete dork, you will probably become acquainted with some girls and most likely one or two (or more) will find you physically attractive and you'll find yourself alone with one either in your room or her room and things will happen. Again, it can just be a heavy make-out session possibly followed by some discussion of if/when to go further. Given that scenario, I would try not to depend on alcohol-soaked parties as a place to "score". You'll be around girls all day when on campus either at lectures, in the library, or at legitimate extracurricular activities including religious if you are so inclined.


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08 Aug 2015, 10:17 am

Spiderpig wrote:
...That's yet another point regarding which people who already have regular sex and are thus justified to continue to have it seem to live in a completely different world from the likes of me. No protection is perfect, and this is often held as one of the many reasons why young people should be stopped from having sex for as long as possible. But, when I see people who've had sex regularly from an early age talk about it, it suddenly looks like there is such thing as enough protection, and those so very strong reasons to abstain from sex don't exist.

They tend to reäppear, though, when the possibility that their own children have sex pops up, especially their daughters...
+1


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rdos
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08 Aug 2015, 11:19 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Why can't it be the primary positive interaction?


Maybe you can see it as such, but I can't. Sex in that age group typically is something you brag about, not a positive interaction with somebody.



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08 Aug 2015, 11:22 am

MaxE wrote:
IDK what country you live in, but in the US if you have sex with a girl in college when she is drunk you could get into SERIOUS TROUBLE including getting expelled (or worse?) and it will go on your "permanent record".

OTOH if a girl invites you to have sex with her when she is clearly sober then go for it if you are at all interested. Although I would recommend asking a few questions first such as how she will react if you have "performance anxiety" plus remember your first sexual encounter with her doesn't necessarily have to include intercourse.

More likely, unless you develop a campus-wide reputation as complete dork, you will probably become acquainted with some girls and most likely one or two (or more) will find you physically attractive and you'll find yourself alone with one either in your room or her room and things will happen. Again, it can just be a heavy make-out session possibly followed by some discussion of if/when to go further. Given that scenario, I would try not to depend on alcohol-soaked parties as a place to "score". You'll be around girls all day when on campus either at lectures, in the library, or at legitimate extracurricular activities including religious if you are so inclined.



Thanks for the thorough advice. Im in the U.S. btw. Honestly in the past 2 years ive been in a couple instances where me losing my v card could have been most definitely inevitable. Though one girl was way too young and with the others i bungled over my steps a bit and blew the chance. Its all learning experiences though.

With my luck, if i have sex with a drunk girl i'll prob get a police record....



Deuterium
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08 Aug 2015, 11:57 am

gth584 wrote:
With my luck, if i have sex with a drunk girl i'll prob get a police record....

If you're so desperate to lose your virginity that you'd aim for a drunk girl I would really evaluate the motive behind why you want this. It sounds like it's being treated like a videogame achievement, and that you don't really care about the experience itself as long as it happens and you can say 'I did that.' What value would that actually have if the person you had sex with wasn't even sober and in a clear state of mind? What did you actually achieve aside from an arbitrary checkbox on your bucket list, and confirmation that your body functions correctly? Is it something to be proud of? Maybe this state of mind is too different for me to comprehend, but I am trying to.



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08 Aug 2015, 3:00 pm

Deuterium wrote:
...If you're so desperate to lose your virginity that you'd aim for a drunk girl I would really evaluate the motive behind why you want this. It sounds like it's being treated like a videogame achievement, and that you don't really care about the experience itself as long as it happens and you can say 'I did that...
That is not what happens. What happens is two college students meet at a party and both have been drinking and they decide to find a more private place and stuff starts happening and the afterwards the girl decides it was rape.


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CupidAardvark
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09 Aug 2015, 1:18 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
I have real trouble parsing that as an answer to my question. Is your point that consent in itself is a bad thing?


NO! Consent is a GOOD thing. (No consent = sexual assault! A crime!!).

My point was that without a positive interaction with a girl, she will not consent to sex with you.

Using Tinder as an example:

Your message to a girl: Want to hook up?
Girl's message to you: Yes. THAT IS A POSITIVE INTERACTION.
You: I live near ABC Bar, want to meet there in 15 minutes?
Girl: YES POSITIVE INTERACTION

If girl turns up at ABC Bar POSITIVE INTERACTION

If girl agrees to go with you to your place POSITIVE INTERACTION

Etc



Spiderpig
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09 Aug 2015, 1:49 pm

I was taking for granted that no consent means no sex, period. So someone who thinks one shouldn't have sex would be likely to consider bad anything that might lead to consent.


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09 Aug 2015, 3:01 pm

MaxE wrote:
That is not what happens. What happens is two college students meet at a party and both have been drinking and they decide to find a more private place and stuff starts happening and the afterwards the girl decides it was rape.

Actually both situations can happen. I say again to the OP, please behave good and don't go with a girl who has an altered state of mind.



CupidAardvark
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10 Aug 2015, 5:22 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
I was taking for granted that no consent means no sex, period. So someone who thinks one shouldn't have sex would be likely to consider bad anything that might lead to consent.


WTF?!

By your twisted logic, any interaction that guy has with a girl that does NOT result in sex is a NEGATIVE experience.

Repulsive. And wrong. And reason enough, he'll, reason alone, for girls to avoid you.



Spiderpig
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10 Aug 2015, 5:43 pm

Now you're just putting words in my mouth. I never said anything like that.


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