Stepping into the void

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Another thing, I didn't think Aspies knew how to flirt. You sure you're Aspie, Boo?

I'm a shy loner, I'm not creepy so I know many of them are not creepy at all.

Wait, you mean that....you weren't flirting me?

How about this.......

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants!

Let's watch porn together on bedroom mirror...

wait, nah....

Huh? Was that the last pickup line you used, Boo?

Just trolling I invented now.

Lol you guys are funny. Yes that is me in my avatar. Thank you for your responses I appreciate them.

Speaking of guys getting bullied. Women actually do get bullied more because not only do we have to deal with male bullies but also females. Women just tend to ignore guys they don't like. And girls can be pretty ruthless with each other. Not counting the societal and media norms we're supposed to abide by in order to be "accepted" and seen as attractive. Old dudes with young girls is much more accepted than old women with young men. Of course that's if you care about what others think. We all do to a point, let's not kid ourselves, but it doesn't have to be important.

I've tried online dating, and actually that's how I met 80% of my past boyfriends. I have been out of the dating game for 8 years and let me tell you, the online game has massively changed. I've been extremely confused by some behaviors. Example: I'll start talking to a guy, have really good conversation, get along great, a lot of common ground, good feels all around, then never hear from him again. I also talked and texted a guy with whom I had a ton in common for 2 weeks before our date. Date comes along, great date. Then cuts it short, gives me the side hug (shudder, that's friend zone signal), then says nice meeting you but he didn't feel it. Up to this point he had been flirting with me like crazy. He said I was shy in person. #$%$&*@! !! ! I already told him I was shy until I warm up. So yeah, that kinda killed the dating thing for me.

In a way being much more aware of who I am as a person is a little bit of a curse since I'm not going to hide who I really am anymore, but yet get more rejection now than when I did the whole chameleon female aspie thing. Becoming what people wanted me to be instead of remaining true to myself.

And flirting, unless it's blatantly obvious as in sexual undertones, I have no clue if a guy is just being nice, friendly, or interested. And I can't stare at people in the eye for more than 5 seconds at a time. It's awkward.

So though I might be physically attractive to some, the minute I open my mouth they don't seem to hang around. Or maybe they're only looking for one thing and realise I'm not putting out on the first date (I can if I really really like that person, otherwise no).

I'm very upfront about who I am, my quirks, my diagnosis, but it's a sidenote, not subject of conversation. I've learned that much. Don't focus on your flaws when you want someone to like you.

Just look at it as filtering out the wrong ones, and showing the right one, the person he has been looking for.

A very nice way of putting it. I need to remind myself of it when things don't pan out. I'm an optimist with that kind of stuff, maybe almost utopian. I am trying to reach out to my close friends who are NTs and asking them for help on deciphering things I don't understand. They keep it real and also don't want me getting used. They're very protective.

It's good to have friends that watch out for you. Being an Aspie is almost synonymous with being taken advantage of. We are magnets for that sort of thing. When it comes to knowing if people are interested or not, I have always had great intuition (almost too good) when it comes to other people, but when it comes to myself, doubt and insecurity take over, and it can make me confused about whether someone really likes me, or not.

The whole flirting/dating game thing has never been an exact science, because everyone shows interest (or a lack of it) in different ways. Even NT's struggle with this. The only way to get a good idea of someone's interest level, is to observe them around other people, then compare that to how they act around you. Are they spending more time with you? Do they get nervous around you? Do they talk more or less, etc. ? There is no one-size-fits-all answer here.

Do you have a child? Are you a single mom?

A lot of men would find this as a total turn off once finding out.

That behavior has a name today, and it's called "Ghosting".

Basically, it is a behavior that girls always did toward guys they don't like way before 8 years ago.

Guys had learned and acquired this from girls who did this to them - and now they are doing it themselves to girls they don't like, It's only fair.

Actually being a single mother with a kid is only a turn off when you're in your 20s. Once you hit your 30s most people are divorced and have kids, and as you get older the number of people who don't have kids actually starts to dwindle dramatically.
Usually if a guy is actively dating in his 30s or older and refuses to have anything to do with women who have kids, he'll end up with twenty somethings and be a commitment phobe. Because trust me if your goal is to have fun and your hitting 40, you aren't having anything long-term or meaningful and will be considered by most women your age absolutely not relationship material.
I'm 33 and frankly if a guy tells me it's a turn off that I'm a mother, whatever he has to say no longer matters. I move on. I won't even consider him for fwb because his shallow nature is a turn off and his maturity extremely lacking.

^ Try to understand why a lot of guys avoid datingsingle moms without calling them names like just how you did.

I am sure a lot of women won't date men with kids either.

The reason why it's scary for some to go for a serious relationship with a single mom:
It feels like going into marriage and parenthood in one go!

In many cases, the child lacks the presence of his biological father; so eventually he will get attached to the new "dad".

For guys who had never been married before, this might sound overwhelming; naturally those things (ie. marriage--> pregnancy--> fatherhood--> parenthood..etc) come gradually but marrying a single mom feels like jumping directly to marriage and parenthood.

and there's also the risk that the kids (especially if they are not very little) might not accept the new man, which is a whole struggle of its own.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 09 Aug 2015, 6:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Btw I am currently in a fwb with a single mom of 2 kids.
But I would worry if she's developing feelings to me, the idea of getting involved with two toddlers in one go- I dunno, this is an unknown area to me.