Autistic boyfriend over friendly with other girls

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Yes, this is indeed the primary hazard of the unrelenting "My Way or The Highway" philosophy of relationship management.

I agree with you 100%. If I am in a relationship, I don't want to compete with other people for their love and attention. While it's perfectly natural to be attracted to other people, there are certain lines you don't cross, when you are in a relationship. It seems like he doesn't understand that concept too well...

If I'm in a relationship and I'm flirting, then that means there's something wrong with the relationship. In case you might not know, NT women are different. If your NT woman is flirting, then you may have a problem. NT women don't get hooked with sex - they get hooked with emotions and flirting ties in with that.

I'm so glad that someone (who's a guy) agrees with me. Thank you, Mr. SilverStar. You are a true gentleman. What has gone wrong with people? Where has real love gone? It's just so disheartening.

People are just screwed up. lol

I think the main problem, is that they are either not aware, or just don't care how their actions affect other people.

I see three possible issues arising from your idea ...

1) It's her fault. She is either unaware of, or indifferent to, his needs; so he seeks to have those needs fulfilled elsewhere.

2) It's his fault. He is either unaware of, or indifferent to, her feelings; so he does what he wants without regard to the way she feels about it.

3) Both 1 and 2.

I think that the third case is more valid than either of the other two exclusively. Did she marry him for his charming ways, and expect him to switch them off on the day of the wedding? Did he marry her for her attentiveness, and then expect her to switch it off on the day of the wedding? Did they ever have a serious talk about what behavior they expected from each other?

I say that if everything is alright between two married people, then there will be less chance of infidelity, whether it is emotional ("flirting") or physical ("cheating") or both.

Did I miss something? I thought they weren't married making it a lot easier to just cut him off.

I have a little story. My ex NT friend (Mr. Alaska - because he lived in Alaska) were friends who met online and we texted everyday for 4 yrs. Some of it was flirtatious and we probably would have been going out if he lived in Kansas. Anyway, he finally found a German woman that decided to marry him and live in Alaska. Thing is he thought he was going to carry on our "friendship" like he'd been doing and I told him his new wife wasn't going to allow that. He disagreed. So we kept texting like we had been. On Christmas Day I got a call from his new wife (she found me on Facebook and my number in his phone) saying I better not be texting him anymore or she was going to divorce him. She thought our texts were too flirtatious and more than "just friends". I honestly could see her point and stopped texting him that very day. My point is, our texts were flirtatious and I'm not going to lie when I say I would have liked to have had more but he was a married man. You may think that it's only harmless flirting, but it wasn't to me. I was getting my emotional needs met through this flirting. I definitely had feelings for my Mr. Alaska. That's why when I say if my husband/boyfriend was flirting with someone then that someone better be me or I'm outta there. I know where a little harmless flirting can lead.

I would say this is accurate. When one person goes outside the relationship for these things, it usually means that they aren't getting their needs met at home (which still doesn't make it right, though).

When a free spirit is dominated and stifled by a control freak, you can bet good money that the free spirit will seek its freedom whenever it can.

Eventually, the control freak will run out of victims to control.

So now she's a control freak? Oh brother. If a person wants to keep playing around instead of acting like an adult in an adult relationship, then they need to remain single and on their own instead of making someone else's life a living hell.

I see this a a simple boundary issue. You communicate with someone when they have overstepped your boundary. They keep doing it, then either the person doesn't get it or they don't care. OP, it's up to you to figure out if the person gets it or doesn't care, or both.

That's where monogamous people's failure to understand polyamory begins. If you compete for love and attention when in love with more than one individual, then you are NOT polyamory. It's the main distinguishing trait between beeing monogamy (unable to share your love and attention, needs to break-up with one), and polyamory (can share love and attention). So, no it is not a competetion, more like if you have one friend you add another, and when you have great fun with the new, this affects your friendship with the first in a positive way even if nothing positive happens between you. Exchange friendship with relationship and you have polyamory.



Doesn't apply if you both are polyamory.

Then we are incompatible and cannot have a relationship.



I know, and that's why I never have been involved with an NT.



Probably, but it's just as well. Better to break up such bad matches early than getting abondonded for another guy after 10 years.



I very much doubt that. Most sexual people get hooked by sex. It's only asexual people that don't bond that way.

It died when women started seeing men as ATMs and valuing them by money... (HINT FOR YOU )

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 13 Aug 2015, 1:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, good question. What's wrong with people that cannot understand other people's preferences? For me, real love is forever, and if somebody is serial-monogamy, then they are unable to have real love. How is that for an attack against somebody elses preferences?